The wizard meanwhile was in his office, whiling away the time with an old journal, scratching down notes about his coworkers and their habits. "Watches are completely out of fashion... everyone seems to use those phones to check the time. And they're cameras too? That's a whole shelf worth of curios this generation has no interest in..."
He sighed, glancing over at the quill he'd enchanted to deal with the reports Miss Kitty brought in... and realized there hadn't been a single one all day. Gathering everything himself wasn't terribly difficult, but it did make him rather acutely aware just how little he still knew about what exactly the company did. People kept asking if he had his "e-mail set up" or whether "faxes" had come in or gone out. He did at least manage to work out that faxes "came in" through a tray on some ugly slab of plastic by the water cooler, but papers he left in the same seemed to just be sitting there still at the end of the day.
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Miss Kitty enjoyed her day off, spending most of it just dozing on the floor under a sunbeam, taking extra showers, and really startling a few birds trying to perch on her windowsill by sneaking up and slapping the glass.
First thing the next day she decided to surprise Joe by just plopping herself in his lap to give him a good nuzzling. He turned beet red and pushed her away, but she could tell he liked it, and sat on his desk teasing him further until he agreed to go out again Friday night. Next she had a lot of catching up to do, since whoever had filled in for her apparently didn't know how to work the fax machine, but eventually she freed up enough time to catch up on the juiciest office gossip. Karen and Sarah were definitely sure Jenny was hooking up with that slutty looking girl who'd come in for an interview the other day. She was pretty impressed how much they let their claws come out talking about her given how Jenny usually joined in with them talking about everyone behind their back. And apparently just this morning Mr. Lidle found someone parked at a bad angle that cut off his usual spot and just stood there in the parking lot shouting and kicking their car until there was room to squeeze his in. "What an absolute ass!" Miss Kitty smirked. Later when she saw his face she almost lost it. She could tell he was getting mad, but he calmed down a bit when she gave him a couple pointers on how not to knock things over with the tail he'd managed to grow during his lunch break... which he'd just taken in the little park outside the building.
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The rest of the week flew by without much incident. The Vice President's left hand and right foot turned into hooves and he was having more than a little trouble standing up straight and getting his pants on properly in the mornings, but everyone around the office pretty much found the whole thing funny enough to be worth constantly getting drafted to carry his things and hit elevator buttons for him. Especially when they asked what floor and he'd just bray half the time.
Friday afternoon though, a delivery worker came by with a proper placard for the wizard's desk, and the two struck up a conversation. The deliveryman seemed surprisingly out of shape considering his job, sweating and rubbing his ankle. "Here you go Mr.... Wizard? Hey you're not the guy from that old show, are you?"
The wizard rolled his eyes, replying wearily, "it's a title, not a surname." As he reached up to adjust his glasses, he bumped his elbow against some part of the blasted computer he was compelled to keep on the desk, and the screen flickered to life. The angry red ringed number floating above a letter near the bottom had climbed even higher than the last time he'd disturbed it, whatever that meant. "Say, while you're here, that's nothing I should be concerned about, is it?"
The sweaty delivery man looked puzzled, grabbing the little lump he'd knocked with his elbow and wiggling it around, making some nasty plastic clicking sounds. "Need a filter to deal with the bosses, huh? Nah, just a bunch of 'hey, congrats on that report' stuff, something about a missing fax?"
The wizard sighed in relief, and realized there might be an opportunity here. "Well, you're quite handy with that. Tell me, are you satisfied with your current job? I'm somewhat in need of a new assistant."
"For real? This delivery thing's been killing me. I'm on my feet all day working in the sun. I'd love to just hang out in an office like this all day. Especially with the babes you have in here. I swear when I got on the elevator there were these two stacked babes making out in there, and that cat girl on the way in here was real easy on the eyes. Hey do you know if she's single?"
The wizard smiled. "You'll fit in just fine." He pulled out his wand from a desk drawer where it had gone unused entirely too long, tapped on the infernal machine and the head of the delivery man and backed up for a better view.
Odd plastic bits flowed like water, moving up his arms, removing hair as they went. The boxy bulk of the thing soon followed, shrinking as the guts of of moved along the cords to their new home. As whatever chips and wires and whirring bits made their way into his new assistant's body and arranged themselves, the one time delivery worker took on a decidedly more compact and pleasing shape, barely over five feet tall, with ample curves and glass-smooth skin. All her clothes melted away to better show it off, but between the glossy skin he left her with, and the use of white bands to break up the jet black around her thighs, forearms, neck and navel, there was enough of an illusion of clothing to hopefully not raise any eyebrows. That big flat screen made its way up to split into a pair of exceptionally large and expressive eyes, which still had a bit of that sickening computer glow the wizard really didn't care for, but nobody was perfect. The only other imperfections in her skin a button with a pulsing white light on her right shoulder, a long slit for inserting chips or disks or whatever they were on her left, and that nasty little corporate logo that had somehow settled into place on her breast. "Well, it's in the right place for a nametag," the wizard muttered, flicking his wand to ammend it to a more feminine Penta, and strolled around for a full view.
He realized to his disappointment that that mass of wires running to a power strip and some... networking plug where still quite visible from behind, plugged in just at the base of his new assistant's tailbone. Those were probably important though. And he'd need to get another chair and desk in here for her, he realized, suddenly wishing he'd thought to have those brought in before converting a delivery driver. Ah well.
"Now then, let's get started. Please dictate all these messages which have piled up, won't you?"