Mom and I had never gotten along, which is why I suggested that Joey turn her into a dog. That was really bothering me now. I mean, she's my mom--she gave birth to me, and here I was turning her into an animal. "I wish there was a way I could make her a nicer person without just brainwashing her." I exclaimed in frustration.
Oh, right. Wishing.
Well, now I knew what to do. I wished that Mom was here, in human form. She instantly appeared. I wished that she lose all wish-caused psychological changes. I let her rant and rave for awhile--she'd earned it--and then I told her what was going to happen.
"Mom, your husband doesn't like you, your sister doesn't like you, your daughter doesn't like you. Because you're a mean, nasty person. But I love you, and I know what you need. I wish my mom, Cathy, was a two-month-old baby horsegirl. I wish that she lost all memories of her human life, but that these memories would return gradually in the time after she forms a new, stable identity as a horsegirl." I picked up the crying baby equine-human. "Oh, and I wish that Mike and I were lactating." Hey, Mike wanted to be female, let her share the fun! "Hi, baby Cathy. You're going to have a happy childhood this time. Mike and I love you, and this time you're going to be raised right."
Mike came into the kitchen. "I heard someone crying. Oh, who's this cutie pie?" She started cooing over the baby. "She's hungry." I said. Mike was already unbuttoning her blouse. She took the baby from my hands and raised her to her breast. "You are so girly." I shook my head. "Like, totally." Mike grinned at me, with a blissful expression on her face as Cathy nursed. "That's Mom." I replied. "I wished I knew how to make her a better person, and apparently she needs to have a happy childhood, which she didn't get the first time around." Mike laughed. "I knew our relationship would have to change!" She turned to the baby in her arms. "I know I wasn't that great a husband, but I promise to be a good mama, sweetie."
Jeff and Joey had finished, judging from the silence coming from the back yard, so it was time to figure out what to do with them and Rachel.