Though it wasn’t a long walk to the nurse stand and from there to Jeremy’s office, with all the crazy thoughts in my head the two-minute walk felt like an eternity. I tried to think of exactly how I would broach the subject with Jeremy. I mean, I suppose as my doctor he would have to keep our conversation in confidence. But how would this affect his project? It’s obvious at this point that something unexpected occurred. I’m pretty certain I shouldn’t be having these gay feelings, least of all for my own son now! 42 years of life as a true blue heterosexual man with a gorgeous wife and two well-adjusted sons – and now… I’m lusting for my own son. I shook my head at that thought.
Deep down I knew it was wrong, on an emotional level, so long as he sees me as his father in some way, it wouldn’t be good for him at all, right? Yeah, physically I am now the young man he was infatuated with for the last several years. But what about my own psyche now? As much as this was troubling me, I am not sure I can honestly go through with the idea of being intimate with my son to the level my hormones are telling me I want to. But then I think about his amazing dark muscular body, that handsome face and awesome green eyes, and those soft kissable lips… And I just melt.
I resolved right then and there to get the advice of Jeremy and the hospital shrink before I take any other actions whatsoever. I may have to live the rest of my life in this fantastic body as gay, but that doesn’t mean I have to get into a sexual relationship with my own son!
I reached the door to Jeremy’s office and softly knocked. “Come in” I heard through the closed door. I opened the door to allow myself in and saw a decently sized office with a small bed in the corner, a medium sized wooden desk with a fancy new computer on it and two typical office chairs in front, and sitting at the desk poring over notes was Jeremy. Damn he’s so handsome! “Stop it Paul!” I thought to myself.
He looked up and smiled, putting his notes aside, “So… How did it go?” Do NOT get turned on again, no matter how sexy that smile is of his…
“It… It went pretty well.” I looked over myself, “All things considered”. I said, cocking my head to the side, as though I wasn’t entirely certain of that myself.
“How did your wife take you being homosexual now?” He asked bluntly, which caught me completely off guard. Did he really just come out and ask that?
“Um… It didn’t come up, actually.” I said, looking down sheepishly.
“Oh… I’m sorry. Well, you are going to have to address it eventually.” He said in a flat clinical tone. Then he saw the devastated look in my face, “OH! I’m sorry Paul, that came out harsher than I intended. I’m not all that good with how to address that sort of thing I guess… My bedside manner needs a bit of work I suppose.” He said with a chuckle and a smile.
How could I stay mad at that sexy man?
“I know this is all super crazy for you right now. And with this added complication we didn’t anticipate, it’s a little crazy for us too.” He paused and sighed, grabbing the stack of papers next to him, “I’ve been reviewing the charts and reports, everything dealing with the procedure and trying to figure out how this happened. We didn’t know Thomas was gay before the procedure – To be honest, that wasn’t a question we considered asking, and even if we had, we didn’t think it would be applicable since your brain should carry your sexuality.” He removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes out of exhaustion, “So unless we left a little bit of his brain in there, which I’m pretty sure we absolutely did not, I’m at a loss as to how to explain why your orientation has changed to homosexual after the procedure.”
He expelled an exasperated sigh, “But look, whatever happened, happened. It’s not like we can change it now, and while I have to deal with the repercussions, I know it’s going to be a thousand times worse for you to learn to cope with this change. Well, I don’t mean worse as in it’s bad – but I’d be lying if I said this was going to be a wonderful and positive change for your family.” He finally said with a shrug. He was right, his bedside manner really kind of sucks. I understand the point he’s making, of course. That this 18 year old muscular gay boy isn’t going to be able to continue being a loving husband to my wife of two decades. I can’t ignore that, it will have to be dealt with sooner rather than later. But the real problem was…
“I’m sexually attracted to my son and I want to be with him.” I blurted out, before I even realized what I said, but there it was, all out in the open now.
Jeremy just looked at me, blank look, mouth agape – I don’t think he was even breathing anymore. Did I shock him so badly I killed him?
“Uh… Wait… What?” He said, shaking his head trying to understand if he heard what I said correctly.
“I… I…” I started out, not even sure if I could say it again aloud. My heart was beating so fast now, and I am sure I was bright red with embarrassment. “I think I’m sexually attracted to my son, and I really want to be with him.”
He closed his mouth, looked as grim as I think he could ever possibly look. Like someone killed his best friend in front of him sort of grim. He looked down at his notes again, tapping his fingers on the desk – I suppose contemplating how he was going to respond to that. Fuck… I should have kept my stupid love sick mouth shut. I’ve not only embarrassed myself, but I’m sure Jeremy thinks I’m some sort of sexual deviant now… And honestly, maybe he’s right. It’s fucked up for a dad to be sexually attracted to his son, regardless of the fact I am in a gay muscle stud’s body now. But if it’s wrong, then I need help to address it. Even though I know right now it would destroy me inside to lose him in my life.
“Do you realize what you are saying, Paul?” He asked, firmly, but without any hint of judgment or animosity. Just pure concern mixed with a bit of trepidation.
“Jeremy, I do. But I can’t help it. These feelings are insane, and I can’t seem to control them. First it was you, but while I find you attractive now still, I see my son and I see someone I want to fall in love with, someone to take my virginity, someone to hold me as I fall asleep in their arms.”
“Do you think maybe you’re just acting like a typical love struck teen?” He asked me, “You know, like the love sick freshman with a crush on the handsome senior, who writes his name all over her notebook with little hearts around it?”
I know he was trying to reduce the tension in the room, but he had a point. Was I sure this was actually love beyond simple lust or infatuation? What if I do get sexual with my son and then things go sour? Not only would I have to deal with the awkwardness of letting his mom down, but also having to deal with not having any sort of healthy relationship with my own son.
The last remaining rational part of the old Paul me realized that, for the sake of our family, I would have to stay away from that all together. But keep in mind, that rational part was growing dimmer and more distant by the minute. I was young, dumb, and full of cum and I really wanted to fuck. And for whatever reason I wanted my own son to be my first experience.
I sighed, “I know you’re right Jeremy… But I can’t fight these emotions. For whatever reason, no matter how rational or logical I try to be, I keep coming back to the emotional response of just wanting Michael in every conceivable way.” I slumped into the chair, with greater force than I anticipated due to my new bulk, and looked down at my feet clad in these low top Nikes, “I know I should be totally ashamed of these feelings, but then I think about the fact that this isn’t his father’s body, right? I still have his father’s brain, but it’s apparent I have the sexual urges and emotions of this Thomas. I’m not his father anymore – at least not entirely, right?”
“Are you asking me or trying to convince yourself?” Jeremy asked. “Look Paul. I know this is a crazy new experience… For all of us… But most especially for you. You’re technically an adult, but you’re thinking like a teenager – despite having an adult brain, which is the oddest thing to me.” He paused, waiting for me to look up at him and meet his eyes. “I can’t tell you what you can or cannot do, as a result. You can make your own choices going forward. I’ll just say I really don’t think getting sexual with your son is a good idea. No matter how you try to rationalize it – Michael is the boy you fathered a little over 17 years ago. Now, at least it’s lucky for you in this state an 17 year old can have sex with someone within 4 years of their age, so at least there are no legal consequences as physically you are less than a year older than him now.” He shrugged, “But if you really think about it, you’re actually 25 years older than he is, let alone his own father.”
I know that last statement was meant to get me to see the rationality of not taking that course of action. And if I’m honest, part of it was sinking in to this thick skull of mine. If I am going to be gay from now on, I should find someone my own age or older, and especially, someone I am not related to… But I keep thinking about how I want my first time to be special, and I have a feeling it would be Michael’s first time too. OK, not every story ends up storybook romance sappy, but what if ours could, despite it all? What if it was fate for me to end up in that accident, be placed in Thomas’ body, and to fall in love with Michael?
He threw up his hands in mild exasperation, “Look Paul, I know you’re ultimately going to do what you want. I can see it in your face. My only advice now is, talk to our psychiatrist first. Like me, you’ll have confidentiality, but she’s at least better trained to deal with the mind than I am – well the mental states anyway… I am a brain surgeon after all!” he said with a chuckle. “Anyway, I really think it could help you process all this, and hopefully she has some better advice for you to help steer you on the right path. I know you’re thinking like a teenager, and I especially know you’re thinking with your dick, but for the sake of your sanity and the stability of your family, I really want you to think this through very very carefully, OK?” He said.
I nodded, “Yeah, you’re right Doc, I should talk to the psychiatrist first. I just don’t know how to deal with any of this stuff. But hopefully she can help me.” I said, with a weak smile.
“I am more than certain she can!” He said, standing up from his desk and handing me her card. “Here’s her information, but of course I’ll set up the first appointment for you. She’s gone for the day today, but she can probably see you in the morning.” He clasped me on the shoulder tightly, “Paul, I know it wasn’t easy to admit any of that. So I wanted to say I appreciate the candor, it really does mean a lot to me and to my project as well. IF, and that’s a big if, there is any way for me to fix this for you, I will do my best to try – if that’s what you want. But I leave that up to you ultimately. I won’t do anything now with your situation without your express permission. Deal?”
“Deal!”
“Good! Hey, I’m sorry if I came across as harsh at all, that’s not my intention. I really do want what’s best for you and your situation, OK?” I nodded in response, “But don’t hesitate to tell me anything else in the future. I’ll try to get better about being more mellow. To be honest, I’ve been pretty stressed since we finished moving you over, so to speak. Those first few critical days when we weren’t sure it would take, the next few days when you seemed permanently comatose, and now this new information… Look at me complaining about all of this when you have your own stress to deal with, sorry man, ignore me.” He said and smiled. “It’s getting late, why don’t you go get some sleep and we’ll go get some breakfast together in the morning and I’ll let you know when Dr. Hilton, our psychiatrist, will stop by and see you. Sound good?”
“Yeah!” I nodded and smiled, “Good night Jeremy… and thanks for understanding.”
“Sure thing Paul, just keep your head up, everything is going to turn out just fine!”
I closed the door behind me and heard him go back to typing on his computer. I took a deep breath and walked back to my room. The lights were dimmer through the hallways this time of night, and the one nurse on duty smiled as I passed by her. An older heavyset gal (well, older than me now), but she seemed nice enough, so I smiled back.
I closed my room door behind me and leaned against the door. I didn’t really want to move an inch, but my body was exhausted despite me not really having done much physically today. I sighed loudly and then heard the unmistakable ding of my cell phone text alert. I saw the screen light up with the incoming message. There in the corner was my cell phone on the bedside stand, plugged in and fully charged. I guess it somehow survived the accident and they put it in my room. I wonder if any other of my personal effects are around? I moved to the stand and saw my watch, I tried to put it on but found it was a little too big for my wrists now. I also saw my wallet, and another smaller wallet… Thomas’ wallet. I opened it and saw his university ID, bright handsome face with a great big goofy smile. Same with his driver’s license. There was a bankcard and a credit card, no cash, and some miscellaneous business cards to a gymnastics gym, a night club downtown, and a local auto shop. I didn’t see another cell phone, car keys, or anything else that belong to Thomas other than the clothes I was now wearing.
And laying there, between my wallet and cell phone was… my wedding band. Solid gold, perfectly smooth, and the small inscription inside had “Paul & Trisha 6/12/1999”… I started to tear up. I tried to slip it on my finger, but it wouldn’t fit. My new fingers were short but thick, so I couldn’t get it past the last knuckle… Well, if that isn’t a sign…
I sat on the bed, my legs dangling off the edge due to my new shortness, and I sobbed, holding the ring and just staring at it. I was thinking about all the wonderful memories I had with Trisha over the last 20 years. All the smiles and tears, all the ups and downs. She was the perfect woman for me, and she was always there for me… And now, I won’t be able to be there for her anymore, and like I thought before, she doesn’t even realize it yet. Not that I am even willing to admit it fully to myself yet.
Then I had a crazy thought, what if I could be her third son? Then I could still be there for her, just not like a husband. Maybe I can convince her that would be for the best. Then I shook my head, no, that’s still avoiding the elephant in the room, well two elephants: that I am gay now and in love with her son, with MY son, OUR son, ugh… This is tearing me apart again.
I sighed and put the ring back on the table. I suppose the vow is until death do us part… And since I did technically die, it would be best for her to move on and find someone new, right? But no, I’d still have to come clean with her at some point. And besides, she might be as weirded out by my new body and realize that our marriage is over now regardless.
My phone on the nightstand beeped again. I instinctively put my finger on the screen for the print unlock and then, stupidly, realized that’s not going to work anymore. Thankfully I had a secondary password in place, so I entered the password and was able to get into my phone. There were a few dozen missed calls and messages, mostly from work. A few from my wife back the day of the accident, asking where I was, if I was ok… They were a little too heart wrenching to read, so I scrolled past them for now. The work related messages were along the same lines, then praying for my speedy recovery, etc. Well, I thought laughing to myself, I don’t think it would be a good idea to go back to work like this. Though on the other hand, why not? I still know how to do my job after all, and I still need to pay the bills somehow. I guess the coworkers will just have to accept this 18 year old muscle beast is their new assistant department manager. I laughed out loud at that, “That means I am going to have to get some suits to fit all of this!” I thought to myself.
I finally caught up to the last two messages. One from my wife letting me know she made it home ok, that she loves me, and she’d see me tomorrow. But the other… PHEW! Good lord Michael, what the Hell? There was my boy standing in the mirror of his bathroom in nothing more than his jock strap and a smile. His dick was clearly hard in that strap. And damn if I didn’t get hard instantly. Attached to the picture was the message “See you tomorrow stud, something to keep you thinking of me until then *winking emoji*” My son is literally sexting me now. What… the… fuck…
But no more than 10 seconds later, my pants were on the ground, my cock free of my boxer briefs, and I was pounding away on my short thick appendage like a madman, staring at the picture Michael sent me, moaning his name and saying all manner of dirty talk all along. Then for the third time that day, I blew another load of my hot teen cum. I was breathing rapidly and trying to calm down, I took some tissue from the bedside and wiped off my cock, ate the cum on my hand (yes, it was delicious!), and then used the tissue to wipe up the mess I just shot on the floor beside my bed.
Lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling and stealing glances at Michael on my phone, I finally calmed down enough to get myself ready for bed. I struggled to remove the tight polo, but I finally got it off without tearing it further, due to the cold hospital floor, I left my socks on with my boxer briefs (even with the noticeable stain on them now) and my undershirt. I made my way to the small bathroom and brushed my teeth, washed my face, and then just stood there for what was probably only a minute or so, but felt like longer staring at my new teen face. I really was damn handsome now. Sigh, if only I wasn’t so short, I really could be a model. I laughed at that, how can I think I am in anyway inadequate when I look like this? And besides, I’m good enough to attract a hot stud like Michael, so there’s that, right?
Ugh, well it’s obvious trying to control these sexual thoughts of Michael are going nowhere right now, not that the little punk is helping by sending me risqué pictures like that – not that I’m complaining! Then I did something really stupid… I stripped off my undershirt and took a photo to reply to him, and of course, I was flexing my amazing new body for him. The message I included said “Thanks for the pic Michael, it really got the job done, hopefully you like this one back! *kissing emoji*” I set the phone down, started to giggle like a goofy idiot. What the Hell are you doing Paul? But it was too late, the damage was done, because a half minute later the phone dinged again and I got *heart eyes emoji* in reply. My heart melted at that, Michael really is in love with me, I thought to myself. I looked at his photo again, and not just his phenomenal teen body, but that devilishly handsome face. Even at 17 he could be a teen heart throb, and he’ll only get even more attractive as he gets older. My phone dinged again as I was just finishing up in the bathroom letting me know I had a new message at the bottom of the thread: *eggplant emoji* followed by two emojis of water squirting… What does that mean?
“Oh… OHHHH! Oh fuck? Does that mean what I think it means?” I whispered aloud. Is Michael telling me he just got off to a picture of myself? Well I guess fair’s fair, after all, his picture did the same for me, right? I replied with “*kissing emoji* Good night babe, I can’t wait to see you again tomorrow, sweet dreams stud!” Then before I sent it, I thought for a bit before adding in, “I love you.” Then I hesitated, do I really want to send that? I mean, of course I love him, he’s my son – but we know full well I don’t mean I love him in that sense, how would he take it? My finger hovered over the backspace key... And then I hit send.
In no time, he replied. “*big smile emoji* I love you too Thomas, I love you so much and I am glad you’re a part of my life now! *kissing emoji* good night my handsome man!”
Thomas… Thomas… Thomas… Not Dad, not even Paul… Thomas. He loves Thomas, not me. But… I AM Thomas now, right? I look like him, apparently I act like him too, am I really even Paul anymore at all? Other than a few thousand memories and my knowledge of a lifetime – Is there anything that remains of Paul in this form now? And besides, I did tell him to call me Thomas in private – maybe that was a mistake, since now I am getting jealous that my son loves the boy whose body I now possess. But Thomas is dead, and I have his body now, so that makes me Thomas. So when Michael says he loves Thomas, that means he loves me. Right? RIGHT?
OK, I need to stop thinking about this shit before I get overly worked up again. It was a bad idea to go down that road tonight to begin with, at least before talking to the psychiatrist. I was fairly certain Michael wasn’t going to send any other messages tonight, but I turned off the phone regardless and set it on the bedside table once again.
I lay on the bed with my eyes closed tightly, trying my best to fall asleep. But too many thoughts running through my head. An hour later I still wasn’t sleeping, so I got up and made my way to the nurse’s stand. “Hey, you’re still up. What’s the matter can’t sleep?” The nurse asked with a thick southern drawl. “I’m Nurse Leonard by the way, but you can call me Rose.” She said with a smile.
“Yeah Rose, too many things bobbing around in my head. Anything you suggest?” I asked her.
“Well Dr. Jenkins did suggest that might happen, so he left you a prescription of some sleeping pills. Nothing too crazy or addictive, but it should relax your mind enough to let you sleep. Let me grab them for you.” She said, moving to the back area, and returning with one of those small paper cups with two small pink pills inside of it and a small plastic cup of water. “So that dosage is a decent sized one, so you should start feeling more relaxed in about 10 minutes or so and you should be out in no more than a half an hour tops. So you’ll want to head straight back to your room right after.” She finished with a smile.
“Thank you Rose, I’ll do that.” I took the pills with the water, and then handed her back the empty items.
“Hon, we all know you been through a lot, but do not hesitate to ask any of us for any help if you need it, that’s what we’re here for.” She smiled a huge smile again, “Now go on back and get some sleep and remember tomorrow is a new day!”
I nodded and smiled and she was right, in about 20 more minutes I was out cold. I was so out I couldn’t even tell you what I dreamed that night… But judging by the mess it left it my boxer briefs that morning, it must have been a good one!