I guess the pills they gave me last night were stronger than I expected, as I didn’t wake up until almost nine the next morning. Or maybe that was just me being a real teenager now and sleeping almost twelve hours? In any event, I had to figure out my clothes situation. I put on my jeans and shoes and went to the nurse stand to ask if there were some more clothes available for me. I wasn’t sure if Thomas’ family left more clothes behind, or if maybe they had some sort of way of getting me some clothes from a charity kind of deal, but I didn’t feel right wearing the same outfit again, especially my soiled underwear. Nurse Rose was already off duty by that time; instead, it was a younger blonde girl giving me all sorts of googly eyes checking out my hard teen body. “Sorry honey, not my type” I thought to myself, with a chuckle.
“Hmm, oh yeah, I think we have some more clothes available for you for sure. Did they not leave them in the room for you?” she asked, sounding a bit like a ditz if I’m being honest. It’s not like there was a dresser in the room, if there were more clothes I would have definitely seen them. But I politely responded no, I only had one outfit available. “Oh, OK, well let me ask the doctor what he wants to do.” She picked up the nearby phone and I overheard her part of the conversation, “Hi Doctor Jenkins, I have your patient here asking for clothes… Uh huh… Yes… OK…” she nodded looking my way, “Ok… Yeah, I’ll let him know. Thanks.” She said and hung up the phone. “Well the doctor said he’ll grab you some more clothes here in twenty minutes. He suggested taking a shower for now and he’d have the clothes ready for you by the time you’re done.” I nodded, smiled, and said thank you – returning to my room.
I stripped out of my outfit and stared at my new form as the water of my shower warmed up. It was so weird to finding myself now in the body of this young muscular stud. All in all, it wasn’t a bad change, the only thing I am having trouble with is being attracted to my own son. Damn, that did it, as I thought about Michael’s sexy body I got so hard that I had no choice but to jack off yet again. Fuck, these teen hormones are insane! I don’t know that I am ever going to be able to get these feelings under control. It’s one thing to try mentally to block out these feelings, but every time I think about Michael I get so turned on and want him more than anything in the whole entire world. But at least soon I would be able to talk to Doctor Hilton and maybe figure out some better ways of coping with all this.
Ten minutes or so into my shower, I heard a brief knock at the bathroom door. “Yes?” I asked.
“I have some outfits ready, it’s right outside the door on the table,” I heard Jeremy say, “I have Dr. Hilton meeting you at ten, so you won’t have too much time to eat breakfast – I already ate, but meet me at the nurse stand when you’re ready and I’ll take you down to the cafeteria.”
“OK, thanks!” I replied, wrapping up my shower. I tried to make my hair as presentable as possible – I think I just need to get a haircut as soon as I can. I stepped out from the bathroom and saw a small assortment of clothes. There were a stack of four folded up polos, a gray hoodie with what looked like a university crest on it, about three pairs of jeans, and an unopened pack of socks and tank top undershirts, there was also an unopened pack of 6 Fruit of the Loom boxer briefs. I’m guessing the polos, hoodie, and jeans previously belonged to Thomas, as they were all the same style, size, and fit as the outfit I wore yesterday. The rest seemed to be donations likely, or maybe something from the hospital’s own stash.
A few minutes later, I was fully dressed and ready to go. I grabbed my cell phone and wallet, inadvertently grabbing Thomas’ wallet at first, but then I realized, I should probably put his ID in my own wallet since I definitely don’t look like my old ID anymore . When I turned my phone on, I had two messages ready for me. One from my wife saying good morning and she hopes I have a good day today, and the other from Michael saying he was sorry for getting a bit risqué last night, but he just couldn’t get me out of his mind. I replied to him it was ok, and that I understand, but I still look forward to seeing him this afternoon like we planned. He replied he’s got a few outfits to bring me he’s got waiting in the sedan. Cool deal, I replied and that was the last I heard from him right then.
Jeremy smiled when he saw me, the Thomas part of me was thinking he was turned on by my outfit, but I realized more logically he was just being friendly and I really need to quit thinking of my doctor in a sexual way. “Hey Paul! Looking sharp man! Ready for some breakfast?” He asked, with a friendly handshake.
“Yeah actually, I’m finally hungry for once, I think I could eat a ton!” I said laughing.
“Well then, let’s get to it!” Jeremy said, putting his arm around me and leading me off toward the elevator. Once we were in the elevator, “So, how are you feeling this morning? You slept in pretty late, but I expected that with those meds I prescribed.”
“Well I feel pretty damn rested physically. To be honest, I feel fantastic physically. Better than I’ve felt in years. I really want to try out this new body in the gym if I can, I think that would be pretty awesome!”
He chuckled, “Yeah, we can probably arrange that if you want. Our staff gym isn’t all that great here, but it’s got a few cardio machines and some free weights – maybe about the size of a hotel gym. They don’t splurge much here since they figure everyone is going to get a membership at one of the nearby gyms.” He said with a shrug. “But how about what we talked about last night, have you thought more about it? More about what you’re going to talk to Dr. Hilton about?”
I took a deep breath and let out an exasperated sigh, “Well, it’s still the same. To be honest, Michael sent me a pretty risqué pic last night, and like an idiot, I sent one back. Nothing nude, but still, the implication was pretty clear… especially what was said in the texts.” I said, looking down at my small Nike clad feet.
“Oh… I see.” He said, leaving a massive pause. I looked his way only to see him staring blankly forward. He opened his mouth a few times and hesitated, thinking of what to say. I could tell he was trying really hard to be supportive though he didn’t really know how to address this at all. Just as he was about to speak, the elevator stopped on the 3rd floor and in came an older gentleman with an IV stand and an older female close behind him.
“Hi Jeremy” she said.
“Hi Phyllis, off to physical therapy with Mr. Kirk?” He said with a smile.
“Yes, he’s been doing very well lately.” She said with a smile.
“Good to hear!” Jeremy said, then turned towards Mr. Kirk, “Keep up the good work Mr. Kirk!”
Mr. Kirk gave a weak smile back, and tremblingly said, “Thank you.”
The elevator stopped at the 2nd floor and out walked Phyllis and Mr. Kirk, “See you around Jeremy” she said with a brief wave. And then the doors closed again. The cafeteria was on the first floor, so we didn’t have much time to talk before we arrived at our floor and walked down the corridors toward the eatery. When we arrived, Jeremy turned to me and said “Get whatever you like, it’s on me.” And smiled.
“Thanks!” I said in an overly enthusiastic teenage way that surprised even myself. But who am I to argue, I really was starving and I could definitely eat!
A few minutes later, we were sitting across from one another, me with a stack of pancakes, a bowl of sugary cereal, a bowl of fruit, some eggs and bacon, biscuits and gravy, a glass of OJ and chocolate milk, and some blueberry yogurt – Like I said, I was hungry!
“Well at least you have a healthy appetite!” Jeremy said with a polite laugh, hands wrapped around a cut of coffee for himself.
“Did I get too much?” I asked, feeling bad for setting him back almost $20 for my breakfast.
“No, no, not at all, as long as you can put all that away!” And I definitely did, every ounce of it!
We had a few minutes to chat one on one in the quiet back corner of the dining room before I had to go see Dr. Hilton. There was only a little traffic a few yards away as people walked through the dining room to get to the elevator or the nearby conference rooms, but they were far enough away they couldn’t hear our conversation.
“Well, I had some time to think about a lot myself,” Jeremy started, “And I think honesty is the best policy. Yes, it might devastate your wife, in fact, I am pretty sure it will – that woman is deeply in love with you, it’s apparent to everyone who has talked to her over the last few week.” He sighed, “But prolonging the inevitable will only make things worse. That said, I can’t tell you what to say or when, but all I can say is, if you do love your son like that, you need to be honest with your wife. Just realize that, well, it may as well be incest, and she may not take it well at all. Worst case scenario, she could forbid you from ever seeing your son until he’s an adult, pack up and move away, and never let you know where she’s moved.”
He paused, and I nodded, staring at him blankly knowing he’s right, that could happen.
“But it’s clear you can’t fight these feelings of attraction for your son either. Let’s be honest, you haven’t really been trying all that hard to fight them either, right?” He said with a smirk. I sheepishly looked his way and nodded, embarrassed.
“It’s ok, I get it. I was a teen once too – Well, you were too and now you are again, as odd as that sounds to say. But hormones are some crazy things. They make us do crazy things. And let’s be honest, that body is probably pumped full of testosterone and even the strongest will would probably be unable to resist those urges.” He paused to take a sip of his coffee. “So anyway, I just wanted to say, my personal opinion, as long as you are honest with your wife, at least about being gay now, I understand you wanting to be with Michael.”
I thought it over. Would that be enough? Could I just tell her I’m gay now without telling her about my attraction to our son? Could I really hide that from her for the next year until he’s an adult and can make his own choices? But then I thought back to the other potentially bad outcome. What if I get into a sexual relationship with my son and it goes sour? I could potentially lose my entire family, everyone and everything I’ve ever known and loved. Is that really worth it for a potentially short-term fling with Michael? Would Michael even do that to me?
I was staring out the window looking at the small park outside, “You OK man?” Paul asked.
“Huh? Yeah. Just thinking about everything.” I said, looking him in the eyes once again.
“What are you thinking about, if you don’t mind my asking?” He said, pen and notepad in hand ready to jot down some notes. That was starting to make me feel uncomfortable, like I was some sort of lab rat. I get why he was doing it, but it didn’t make me feel any more at ease.
“I just… Well, I’m thinking about where my life is going to go now. How is this all going to turn out? The old me is gone, the body I lived in for 42 years is no more. And with that, so is the love for my wife of two decades, and the paternal love I had for Michael and Trevor. You’re right, I could potentially lose everything, even more so that I’ve already lost.” I said, looking down, my hands clenched tightly together once again – I guess that’s my new body’s nervous tick. “I don’t want to hurt anyone, I really don’t. If I didn’t feel attracted to my son Michael, I honestly wouldn’t feel anything for any of them anymore.” He looked at me with shock clearly written on his face. “Don’t get me wrong, I care about them, but I’m not Paul anymore. I’m not Trisha’s husband, and I am not Michael or Trevor’s father. I am now an 18-year-old White gymnast. There’s no going back to who and what I was before. And I don’t think there’s any possibility of slipping back into my old roles. I am literally a new person, and I have a new life and new outlook – for better or worse – and that means that the dynamic of my entire life is going to change. It’s not a matter of if but when.” I said, looking up into his eyes again.
He stared at me, unable to find any words to say at that. Until finally a minute later he said, “I feel like I made a huge mistake.” Now it was my turn to look at him shocked. He took a sip of his coffee again, looked out the window I was looking out of before, heavily weighing where he was going to go with this conversation. “I destroyed a family by saving you.” He said finally. That honestly didn’t help any, though I think I know what he was getting at. He sighed heavily and looked down at his coffee cup, “Don’t get me wrong Paul, I saved your life, and I would do it again if given the choice. I made an oath to save life, but also to do no harm… And I worry I did a great deal of harm for you and your family.”
“Jeremy” I said, grabbing his forearm, “I don’t blame you for any of this, how could you know how this would turn out?” He looked up, with the most morose look on his face I could imagine. I smiled at him and said, “Jeremy, you’re a brilliant doctor, you’ve done the impossible, you brought me back to life by, well, giving me another life to live.” He weakly smiled my way and I squeezed his forearm briefly and released it. “Please, don’t feel like anything that happens with me going forward is in any way your fault. Yes, you gave me this new life – and I am deeply grateful for that. But I am still an adult, even if I barely look like it, and any choices I make going forward are my own to make.”
He smiled a little more, small tears forming at the corner of his eyes. “Thanks Paul, that means a lot to me. This has all been eating me up inside for the last several days, more so since our talk last night. I promise I will do whatever I can to help you in any way I can. You say I’m not to blame, but I still feel obligated to do as much.” I nodded and smiled. Then Jeremy looked at his watch, “OK, we best be getting back. Dr. Hilton will be meeting you in your room in ten minutes. She’s great, I think you’ll really like her. She’s at least got way better bedside manner than I do!” He said with a hearty chuckle, taking the opportunity to wipe the tears from his eyes.
A few minutes later, we were back on our floor. A petite shorthaired brunette woman in her early thirties wearing a maroon pantsuit and glasses was waiting by the nurses stand. “Jeremy, sorry I came a little early, is this Paul?” she asked, looking my way.
“Hey Sam, yeah, this is Paul. Paul, this is Dr. Samantha Hilton.” He gestured her way. I reached out and shook her hand.
“Pleased to meet you Dr. Hilton.” She gave me a warm smile.
“Well let’s get started! This is your room right over here right?” She asked and I nodded. I said goodbye to Jeremy, him asking me to catch up with him after, and then she followed me into my room. “Please make yourself as comfortable as you need to be”, she said, as she took a chair next to the bed. I kicked off my Nikes and hopped onto the bed, laying out on it. I was staring up at the ceiling with my muscular arms folded behind my head. “Comfy?” She asked. I nodded, “Good, let’s just jump in. How are you feeling right now? Mentally?”