“Go on, you know you want to take it,” a woman in a sparkly red suit says, holding a gold ring set with a large ruby out to you. Your name is Evan Jellical, and this mysterious woman claims that this ring will give you absolute control over the entire world.
“Why me though?” you ask her, “Surely you’re making a mistake, lady!”
“Oh trust me,” she winks, “I quite like making mistakes. You’re sure you never wanted to be king of the world before, buddy? Just put it on and go have fun! No catch or gotcha’s or monkey paws or whatever!”
With trepidation, you slip the ring onto your finger. You feel a powerful electric energy course through your veins. The strange lady laughs and claps her hands.
“Now what?” you ask her.
“Now comes the fun part,” she says with a jolly grin, “Just go outside, rub the ruby in clockwise circles, and say ‘I want to rule the world’ no more or less than thrice.”
“Simple as that?” you ask with some skepticism.
“Nothing simpler,” she nods. With that, you nod back and walk outside. You take a look at the people of your neighborhood going about their lives, then close your eyes. You take a deep breath, rub the ruby, and speak the incantation.
“I want to rule the world. I want to rule the world. I want to rule the world.”
You feel the ring burn for a just moment, and then you open your eyes. You see the neighborhood from before, but all of the people are gone. In their place are these strange, human-shaped-at-least grey skinned creatures. They all stand perfectly still, staring straight ahead with neutral smiles on their faces. Neutral really was a good way to describe these things, as they all looked exactly the same.
You walk over to one to examine closer, and notice just how little detail it has. Its head is a perfect bald sphere with no ears or nose, only a thin mouth and two large white ovals set with black dots for eyes. It was like a cartoon character in a way... a very... plain cartoon character. It wore no clothes, had no butt, no anus or genitalia, and no toes on its feet. Its hands had five fingers, but no fingernails or anything. This was the most plain and neutral creature you’ve ever seen.
“Oh, I forgot to mention,” you hear the woman from before say in the back of your head, “once you activate the ring, all of humanity except for you will be transformed into a blank canvas for you to customize as you see fit. Now get out there and run the world as much as you please consequence free!”
A blank canvas? But how do you customize it? You try prodding the creature in the chest. It starts looking at you, its smile a bit wider.
“Hello, Master,” it suddenly says in the most androgynous voice you’ve ever heard, “This unit is ready for instruction.”
You flinch, a bit caught off guard.
“I-instruction?” you parrot at the blank creature.
“I will obey your every command, Master,” it responds patiently, “no matter how unusual or absurd or plain. I will also stay within the spirit of the request as well as within the letter. This unit is ready for instruction.”