Colin strained and groaned, nearly falling off the railing as the tree came out his front door.
“I’m no tree expert, but I think we should’ve taken it out the other way.” Lucy said as she kicked some pine needles away.
“Yes Lucy, thank you so, SO much for helping with this mess!” Sam said sarcastically as she swept the step.
“I do what I can.” Lucy said as she helped her boyfriend maneuver the tree into the compost bin.
A glitzy looking sports car suddenly pulled up and nearly hit Colin.
“Hey you!” A douche with a medallion yelled.
Colin blocked his hands as the stranger tried to punch him.
“What’s your problem?!” Colin shouted.
“You fucking my girl, that’s what!!!” He yelled. “Where’s Gwen?!”
“She’s not interested!” Lucy yelled.
The douche chuckled, “Who’s this, one of your little whores?!”
“Fuck off!” Lucy yelled as she tried to kick him.
He grabbed her leg and punched her in the gut, pressing a gun to her head.
“You listen here you little cunt... tell me where my girl is or-“
Colin punched him in the jaw screaming “LEAVE HER ALONE!”
A pink flash lit the area, and Colin stumbled back in surprise. Instead of another new harem girl, he saw a sniveling fat guy with acne curled up in a ball.
“W-What?” Colin asked in shock.
“S-Sorry, Gwen m-made a good choice!” He whimpered as he dropped the gun and zoomed away in a dinky little sedan.
“You saved me!” Lucy squeals as she kisses her boyfriend.
Colin stood there frozen in surprise, struggling to grasp what had just happened...
***********************************
Colin lifted the last crate of Christmas decor and tossed it to April, who caught it and slipped it into place.
“Welp, that wraps that up.” She smiles as she shuts the door and locks the storage unit.
As they were backing out, a pick up truck rear ended them.
“Son of a bitch...” Colin growled as he got out, fist balled as he approached the other driver.
“Y’all alright?” The other guy asked.
“WATCH WHERE YOUR GOING, DUMBASS!” Colin shouted as he slapped him, a pink flash gleaming outward.
“Garsh, sorry there feller.” The now lanky and buck toothed driver said, “Ah was just takin’ my date to get her stuff.”
“Oh please, as if I’d give yah the time of day.” An alluring southern drawl said. Out stepped a busty freckled blonde in a skimpy tasseled top pressing into Colin with a smile.
“Are y’all free tonight, sugah?” She smiled, nervously tapping the heel of her spangled boot.
“Not for a second!” snipped a furiously blushing April.
They traded info and parted ways.
***********************************
“That’s why you two were so grumpy when you got here?” Jamie asked.
“Yes.” Colin and April said in sync as they scarfed down another fistful of nachos.
“Hey, save some for the rest of us, eh?” Ronnie asked.
“Sorry... today’s been a long day... had to call Sam at work after what happened this morning...” Colin sighed.
Suddenly a boneless buffalo wing landed in between Ronnie’s breasts, making Colin stand up and turn around. Two teens in varsity jackets tried to look away.
“Which one of you asshats threw this at my girlfriend?” Colin whispered in a deep voice.
They just shrugged.
“WHICH ONE OF YOU?!” Colin screamed as he slammed his fist down, sending out another pink shockwave.
He looked up and saw two scrawny guys in sweater vests about to piss themselves.
“Babe, it’s okay! It was probably an accident!” Ronnie said as she grabbed his arm.
“You’re... you’re right...” Colin sighed as he sat back down.
***********************************
“It would seem as though a new variant of your aura surge has arisen, master.” The genie said, playing with her hair, “A variant enforcing dominance over men endangering or harassing your girls.”
“So what do I do?!” Colin asked.
“You already know the answer...” the genie said as she dissipated into a cloud of smoke.
Colin flopped on his bed tired; where could he find another woman on such short notice... then it hit him: