Now, yes, the images you can see beside the name of every individual creature on this list all appear to not be real. However, you can’t say you expected to see some creatures on this list that are… also not real. Griffin? Sasquatch? Cerberus? What the hell? You’re now officially lost on what exactly this machine is meant to be, you thought that maybe judging from the overly scientific and detailed text wall above that this machine would at least be somewhat grounded in reality.
Soon enough, your disgust is replaced with a genuine desire to figure out what the hell this machine is. I mean, how would anybody actually know for certain what these creature’s ballsacks look like? This machine certainly seems to be full of itself, as you stop to select some of these legendary creatures you’re met with yet another detailed page of information about the creature as if it were real. You eventually scroll so far that you can’t even recognize what half of these creatures are, they must be creatures that originated in other countries or something…
… Ah! You’ve just thought of something. You scroll through some more, in an attempt to locate any kind of Japanese section of the list. Eventually, after scrolling back up, you come across a long list of Yo-kai and their… uh, family jewels. Sure enough, smack-dab at the top of the list is what you’ve been looking for.
‘Tanuki (Yo-kai)’
The category appears to be specifically in relation to the fictional portrayal of Tanuki in the media, different from the actual animal. Fair enough for you, you suppose. If you absolutely HAVE to pick a sack here you may as well pick the one that’s supposed to bring good luck or something. Plus, aren’t they huge as hell? I mean, you don’t even need to ask that question considering the picture is right there, but hey if you’re gonna go all the way then you way as well go ‘all the way’. They may not be so big as to impede movement, but they look sizable enough. You suppose you can at least give whoever modelled them credit for not making them big enough to where you’d get extremely uncomfortable just thinking about if you had balls that big.
You pick the category as your final selection. As for ‘customization’, there are so many things in there that you can’t keep track of. The second you see a clickable box that reads “Adjust settings for best possible experience from user preference” next to it, you just click that. How the machine would know what your… ‘preferences’ are, you have no clue, but you click out of that and finalize the selection, somewhat dreading whatever could happen next.
However, after a couple seconds of the machine appearing to compute something, you feel a rumble coming from under your feet. The items on the shelves all start to sway, and then violently shake. An earthquake! Shocked, you attempt to undo your straps and get down for cover, but it’s too tight! You’re stuck! You scream and try to press your body up against the machine in the desperate hope that it won’t topple forwards onto you.
The next few seconds are a blur. You shut your eyes tight, you felt something metallic moving against you from behind, mechanical noises blared as the noise of the earthquake appeared to become muffled, you felt constricted, you couldn’t move… and then it all stopped. You slowly open your eyes after what felt like an eternity. Surprisingly, everything in the store appears perfectly intact, as if nothing happened. Christ, that scared the hell out of you! You look back at the screen, only to be greeted by nothing but black. The power must’ve died or something. Well, that’s… honestly a little underwhelming after all that mess. Still, you shouldn’t worry about that. You’re just happy you’re ok.
Once more, you try to remove your straps, and to your delight you manage to get it off. You breathe a sigh of relief as you stumble your way back outside. Man, maybe you shouldn’t feel underwhelmed so much as relieved. You open the front door and take a moment to appreciate the forested atmosphere. After all, that could’ve gone a whole… lot… w-...
… worse?
… This isn’t the street you were just walking down. In fact, not only can you not see any buildings around you other than the one directly behind you, but you’re almost certain that there ARE no forests like this anywhere near where you live! Where the hell are you?!