"Eric! Where are you going? What's the matter?!" Clyde looked concerned as he grabbed Eric's shoulder to stop him. He hadn't even realized that he'd been moving, but he was standing at the open door to Bix's house, letting the raging blizzard in. The power had been out all day, and his mother had gathered the entire family in effort to keep them close. She and Otso were preparing an early dinner before they braved the storm to check on their patients. Michael, Bix, Tom, Lars, and Tag were all there. It had been nice but...
Something was very wrong. He could feel it down to his core.
He blinked and looked at his mate. He let out a breath, but the tightness in his chest persisted. He smiled his best attempt at a calming smile, though Clyde's expression let him know it hadn't worked in the least. "I don't know. All I know is that I need to go. Right now. I'm sorry. Stay here. I'll be back." His thoughts were racing, and he couldn't get out sentences more than a few words each.
"Then I'm coming with you." Clyde looked determined but Eric stopped him with a hoof on his chest, over his heart.
"No." Whatever this was, Eric wanted Clyde as far away from it as possible. "Please stay here. Watch my family. I'll be back soon. Trust me."
Clyde did not look convinced as his eyes searched Eric's face, but he nodded with a puff through is nostrils. "Dinner will be ready soon."
Eric reached out to take hold of Clyde's antlers and pulled them against his own as they rested their foreheads together. The wooden antler creaked slightly, but it held firm as they were momentarily lost together. He breathed in his reindeer's scent and relaxed for just a moment before pulling away. "Rakastan sinua koko sydämestäni. I haven't forgotten my promise."
Clyde's face haunted him as he dashed off into the blinding snow.
-
Eric had no idea where he was headed, or how long he had been going. He didn't even know for sure if he was running or flying as the snow whipped past his face and fur. It reminded him painfully of his memories before the crash. Still, he continued as he followed the strange nagging pull.
He slowed when he heard voices arguing in the white abyss.
"This is absolutely unacceptable. We don't even have a replacement." A woman's sharp voice with a distinctly Indian accent.
"It's too soon. How will it affect the Cosmos? Our Children?" A man's voice, lilting softly in the air.
"I-It is his choice. It should be honored." Another voice, calm but with a quiet power to it.
Eric's vision began to clear and he realized he was in a large cavern--dark, save a single beam of light streaming from somewhere above. It had an otherworldly feel to it. How in the world had he gotten here? He looked around, trying to be quiet as he approached. The voices were coming from a group of people standing around an altar of some sort, raised on a platform between them all. They were in a heated discussion.
His eyes traced the group: a caramel-skinned, bare-chested man with tattoos on his arms, chest, and face wore his long black hair in a top-knot. A short white fox wearing a kimono, it's tail unmoving behind it. A tall woman with mahogany skin, her thick hair braided into long dreadlocks that came to her waist....
It took a minute for Eric to recognize Santa, who stood in the small crowd. He looked completely different: Shrunken, withered, exhausted. Defeated. He would have never recognized him if not for the trademark coat and pipe. Seeing him like this made Eric feel deeply uncomfortable, as though he were seeing something very private and none of his business.
"You're not supposed to be here. How did you get in?" The Indian woman's voice made him freeze as he turned to leave. He dropped his shoulders and turned back around to see a tall woman standing before him and looking down judgmentally. She was completely naked, save an ornate headdress and gold chains around her neck and ankles, and a sheer piece of fabric around her waist that did nothing to cover what was beneath. She was heavily pregnant, with massive drooping breasts. And she did not look happy to see him.
"Eric? What are you doing here?" Santa asked, sounding bewildered as the group turned to look at him.
Another of the imposing beings approached. His face was that of a jackal: powerful and stern as he stared Eric down with bright red eyes. His jet-black fur transitioned into ebony skin over rippling muscle. He wore a thick necklace that draped over his pecs and a sort of white and blue loincloth that barely covered his massive package. His tail twitched back and forth as he spoke in a deep accent that Eric could only barely understand. "Fascinating. This is the one brought back from beyond. I can see it in his soul. He is connected to Santa, which is how he must have come to our conclave."
Eric made a face as his stomach dropped. Brought back from the beyond? He opened his mouth to respond but Santa spoke first.
"Please, let me speak with the boy. I apologize but I'll only be a minute." Santa hobbled over and pulled Eric to the side. He looked even worse up close and it killed Eric inside to see him in such a state. "Eric, my boy. Why did you come? You should be with your family."
Eric shrugged. "I couldn't help myself. I didn't know where I was going, but I couldn't stay away." He felt a little embarrassed. "Santa, what's going on? Where are we?"
"This is the Conclave of the Ancients: the meeting of the Guardians of the Tribes. We are meeting for the Winter Solstice." Santa explained patiently.
"Where have you been, Santa? Everything's been so chaotic I...What did he mean? Brought back from the beyond?" Eric had a million questions, but Santa shook his head and looked guilty.
"I was never going to tell you, but I feel I owe you some honesty..." He sighed and looked the reindeer in the eyes. "You died during the crash after we returned from New York. But I was able to bring you back. And it appears to have linked our souls." He spoke calmly, though Eric couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Which must be how you were able to get here. I can think of no other explanation. You must be attuned to pass the arcane barrier."
Eric felt a buzzing in his head as his ears and eyes pulsed with his pounding heart. He blinked. "I...died? I...uh...Thank you? For...bringing me back...?"
Santa smiled and pressed his finger to his nose, a familiar twinkling barely noticeable in his eye. "You're welcome, Eric. But I really had no choice in the matter."
Eric nodded and shifted from hoof to hoof. He flicked an ear. "Ok, well what's going on? Are you alright? Why are we here?"
He was certain he misheard the next words out of Santa's mouth: "I've decided that I'm done. I'm going to step down as Santa Claus."
-
Eric waited to the side as the Ancients continued their discussion. Mrs. Clause stood behind him, tears in her eyes as she softly pet at the fur on his head and neck. He hadn't seen her for the crowd, but she had been there the whole time. He was reeling at the revelation and ensuing discussion. He had tried to convince Santa to reconsider. "Think of the Reindeer. Think of the Elves. Think of the Children." But Santa could not be convinced. He'd even tried to explain the lengths Tom and Lars were going through to improve the resort. Or Michael's plan for the new network. Or how dire things were becoming at the North Pole. Or how the Reindeer couldn't fly anymore. But they fell on the deaf ears of a man who had already made his decision. He cried softly as he watched; Mrs. Clause's touch was nothing but a cold comfort as he stood, feeling powerless.
"It is decided, then." The Jackal man announced to the group. "We shall proceed with the ritual."
Mrs. Clause had to explain to Eric what was going on. They were to enact an ancient ritual, its name lost to time, but essentially it translated to 'The Ritual of Binding', in which the Ancients would combine their powers to fully drain the magic of one of their own, permanently and irrevocably demoting them from their ranks. It was not done lightly, and the last ritual had been when Santa had replaced Jack Frost as the Guardian of the Arctic nearly 1,800 years ago. The whole thing felt deeply esoteric and most of it went over his head, but he understood the bottom line: Santa would no longer be Santa.
He blamed himself. 'If I hadn't come, he wouldn't have had to resurrect me. It's because he had a human on his team, isn't it?' He couldn't keep his eyes off of Santa as he hoped against hope that it would all be revealed as an elaborate prank or hoax.
The Ancients began to chant softly as they moved their hands in a somatic pattern. A small spark of light appeared in front of the Jackal before he folded his hands over and around it, increasing its radiance. The short fox stepped forward to add to the spark with its own careful motions. Then the tall woman with the dreads. And so on and so forth as each of them added to and amplified the spark, which pulsed and crackled in the air, centered in the shaft of light. Every instinct in Eric's body told him to get as far away from that spark as possible, but he stood his ground as Santa began to approach.
"Kris Kringle, Saint of Nicholas: Santa Claus of the North Pole and Guardian of the Arctic. You have made the decision to rescind your most sacred of positions, and it has been accepted by the Order of the Ancients. Thank you for your many years of service, Brother." The tattooed man spoke with a kind Australian accent.
After everything that had happened, this would be the end. He couldn't allow this to happen to his family. His friends. To Santa. To Clyde.
Eric made a conscious decision and was in motion before anyone realized what was happening. He pushed Santa out of the way of the light and stepped into it instead as his body froze and the old man looked on in absolute shock. To be honest, he was surprised no one had stopped him. For their part, several of the Guardians seemed amused, their eyes glittering. "Mortals can be so unpredictable. How droll!" A large goat-man leered at him from the group.
"Why did you do that, Eric?!" Santa demanded, a horrified expression on his face.
Eric could only grit his teeth as he trembled, "You're...too important...Santa! You can't!" He floated, suspended in the beam of light as he turned slowly in a strange display. His heart was beating out of his chest as the weight of his actions hit him in full force. Drain the magic. Permanently and Irrevocably. A scary thought occurred to him. If he was brought back from the dead by magic, would this mean...?" Tears began to well in his eyes as he considered the fate he had brought upon himself.
'I finally make a decision and look where it gets me.'
No. That wasn't true. He'd made several decisions in the last two months that had permanently changed his life for the better. Changed his family's life for the better.
He found himself lost in thought, oblivious to his audience as he began to change. A stinging numbness started in his chest and began to expand outwards. He felt his muzzle begin to retract as the fur on his body thinned, retreating. Tears streamed down his cheeks as he considered his family.
Rudy and Clara, who had been so supportive of him from their very first meeting. Rudy had been a big brother to him and guided him without question or judgment. Rudolph and Marjatta, who had welcomed him immediately into their family.
His hooves began to separate into fingers, the nails pulling back into small pink spades. He subconsciously kept his fingers together. They felt wrong.
Tag, his veli, who had become an immediate friend and confidant, pushing him to be his very best every single day. He had been willing to give up on his dream so that Eric could stay.
Toes pushed out from cloven hooves as he flexed his feet, plantigrade once more. Soft and fragile and flat.
Bix, who had grown from a suspicious adversary to one of his biggest supporters, even vouching for him and adopting him into his home. His Isä, who had been a key part of helping his mother accept him as he made strides towards who he was meant to be.
Eric sobbed as he felt the fur disappear completely into his skin, leaving him cold and shivering in the freezing cavern.
His mom. She'd finally gotten over herself and learned to let him be his own person instead of imposing her will on who she deemed him to be. And how she had grown to accept and forgive his father despite years of resentment.
He heard cracking sounds as his head reformed, his ears pulling back into dull, naked shapes on the side of his head.
His dad had grown so much and pushed so hard to rebuild their relationship. He no longer felt like a stranger. And they had just come to an understanding. And he finally seemed happy, with the love of his life--Otso, the doctor who had so patiently guided him through the changes from the beginning.
He felt a shifting inside as his internal organs re-arranged. His vision blurred as he blinked.
Lars, ever the instigator, who had booked him for his first lesson. His first friend at the resort, and the love of his brother's life.
His tail shuddered and pulled into his spine and his muscles tensed as he began to shrink, the bulk he'd worked so hard to achieve wasting away.
Tom. His brother. His rock. Who had come all the way, despite dealing with his own shit, to try to convince him to stay. To avoid making the worst mistake of his life.
His sheath shrank away as his dick flopped forward. The wooden antler on his head fell to the ground with a clatter as his rack pulled back into his skull.
Clyde. He let out another withering sob. Oh God, Clyde. The reindeer who had always believed in him. The one who made his heart sing. The one who helped everything make sense. His guide. His biggest supporter. His soul mate.
Eric's head began to swim as the light seemed to leech his energy. He felt groggy.
Clyde. His Clyde. His Sielunkumppani. He had done this in hopes that it might save him from whatever might happen if Santa left. Everything he knew would change.
Darkness clawed at the edges of his vision. His head felt so heavy.
Clyde. He hoped the reindeer would forgive him for what he had done. For breaking his promise. He hoped he would understand why he had done it.
He struggled to stay conscious as a strange peace befell him. An eternal, resounding quiet.
If it meant saving Clyde, he would have jumped into the light a thousand times. A million. He just hoped Santa understood.
Darkness embraced Eric with a great rush of wind.
"Eric! Eric!" He coughed and blinked at the blinding light. It took him a moment to realize he was staring at Santa's face as the man kneeled over him, looking concerned. "Oh, thank the Spirits."
Eric snorted and groaned, feeling horribly stiff. "What happened? Am I dead?"
Santa laughed a deep, hearty laugh from his belly. "Far from it, son. Despite your best efforts." Eric realized that Santa looked different. Fuller, stronger, and full of vim. His white hair seemed to glow and the twinkle in his eyes was restored. "You're a stubborn boy, you know. Incredibly stubborn. I would say that I'm surprised you made the Nice List each year, but I'm not if I'm being honest."
They were alone in the cavern save Mrs. Clause, who crouched on his other side as she stroked his chest softly. She looked relieved and grateful.
"Where did everyone go?" He tried to move but felt exhausted and dizzy. Staying still was easier.
Santa looked around for a moment and smiled again. "They went home. The ritual was cancelled. You stubborn, stubborn boy..." He chuckled again.
"But I thought--"
"So did I!" Santa cut him off. "But you snapped me out of it. You made me see the truth. To be honest I still can't believe it, but seeing you willing to throw everything away to stop me in my darkest moment? A true act of selflessness. It all came rushing back, and I couldn't allow the ritual to finish."
Santa explained how a moment of weakness had allowed doubt to take hold, which quickly ballooned into a resentment and depression. After all his years, he had lost his will to continue, and couldn't see past his own shit. (It was weird to hear Santa swear.) He grew cold and cloistered, locking himself away and refusing any attempts to help. That was probably his biggest mistake, he mused: turning those who loved and cared for him away. But the mind can be a cruel prison, even for powerful, immortal beings. He had stopped believing in himself.
Eric nodded, still feeling dazed. But he understood. "Santa, I was in a dark place before I came to the resort. I felt lost and alone. But my brother, Tom got me tickets and told me I needed a little magic in my life. I didn't understand then, but I think I do now. And I'm so happy and relieved that you've embraced the magic again, too."
The man nodded and wiped at his eyes. He leaned forward to give Mrs. Clause a kiss. She smiled and got to her feet as Santa reached over to pick up the wooden antler. "Here, let's get this back where it belongs." He fit the piece back over Eric's antler and began to secure it as Eric realized with a start that he was a reindeer again. His emotions caught in his throat as he silently thanked whatever God or Spirit that watched over him.
"Come! Let's get you back to Clyde. He's probably worried sick!" Santa stooped to take Eric into his arms. "You need to rest so you'll be ready for the big night. We only have 3 more days until Christmas Eve! There's so much to do!" He started to walk but stopped. "Oh, and Eric? Thank you."
"I'm going to fix you the biggest cup of cocoa. From my personal stash!" Mrs. Clause beamed, "The only thing I need to know is how many marshmallows you want!"