Dylan had come home early from work after checking his UPS tracking number and seeing that IT had been delivered to his home this morning. He still considered himself a newlywed, but his marriage was over a year old, and he could sense dissatisfaction in his young bride. They'd married when she was 18 and he was 19, now he was working and going to college, and he'd started to let his carefully honed physique get a little flabby. That was why he was anxious to try out the Chronivac he'd ordered. He didn't have time for long work outs so he planned to use the Chronivac to make himself buffer. He noisily entered the house, shouting, "I'm home!" There was no reply. He figured Elaine was shopping. So he set work opening up the large box on the dining room table.
The box proved to be mostly styrofoam packing. But carefully following the simple flow chart instructions, he got the Chronivac assembled, and turned it on. The initial tutorial told him how to use the Chronivac. The first thing he did was activate the scanner to identify him as the subject. The device whirred for nearly a minute, and then identified 3 subjects in the vicinity.
"Three?" said Dylan to himself, maybe it's range was picking up a mice? No it was set to scan for humans only. Perhaps a neighbor? He clicked on the icon that would map the subjects. The blue print of his home appeared on the monitor. Then three one flashing dots appeared. One in the dining room--that was Dylan. Two in the bedroom.
"Burglars?" whispered Dylan. He looked around for a weapon. Then he remembered the Chronivac, and smiled. He used the mouse to click on the first dot.
Instantly, a window opened identifying the dot as a female, age 21, 5'4", blond, 110 lbs, the name Elaine popped up. Dylan paused. Elaine was home? Why hadn't she answered? The 2nd dot merged with the first. More data flashed on the screen. COITUS. The data on the second individual began to appear: male, age 22, 6'4" 210lbs, brown hair, green eyes, the name Daniel McPherson popped up.
Dylan's pale shocked face turned beet red. Daniel was his best friend and was best man at his wedding. Dylan picked up the Chronivac and headed into the bedroom, as quietly as he could.
It was an older house with no closets. In the bedroom, the bed was messed up, but empty. Looking at the small handheld monitor, he determined that the two dots were in the large old wardrobe in the corner. Dylan seethed with anger. The two dots were merged. He wanted to catch them in the act, so they couldn't deny it, but he knew as soon as he opened the door Dan would pull out, and he didn't want that. He wanted to rub their noses in it. That they had betrayed him. He also wanted to keep the larger stronger man from beating him to a pulp.
He thought, Guess I won't be using this on myself first after all. He identified the two dots in the wardrobe as the subjects, and began typing. He smiled and hit execute.
The soft moans from the closet stopped, and faint words could be overheard being whispered.
"Ow, Dan, what's happening? Pull out!"
"I c-c-can't!"
The doors to the wardrobe swung open, and Dylan loomed over the two traitorous lovers. They each weighed under sixty pounds, and were dogs from the neck down. Dan was hopelessly knotted to Elaine. Both looked up helplessly at Dylan and the device in his hands.
"Dylan, it's not what it looks like!" Elaine protested.
"It looks like my best friend is screwing my wife."
"Dude, it just happened. Now undo whatever the fuck you did to us, please?" whined Dan.
"Yeah, well, a man's best friend is supposed to be a dog. Isn't it?"
"No, dude, I don't want to be a dog. It happened only once, it will never happen again--what the fuck is happening to my nose?" Dan asked as his nose shot out seven inches. He felt his knot vanish, and he pulled back out of Elaine, but he felt like something was missing.
"You lying bitches. I did a modified Pinocchio-setting on you, Dan. You lied. Your nose grew to the size of your penis, and your penis became a vagina. Now, what should I do?"