Jonnie D. Good blared on full blast as Felix and Jack drove around in their muscle car. Looking for something, anything to break the monotony of the proper and posh neighbourhood that Asher had been carefully cultivating.
Felix knew he hit the jackpot when Jack started to grumble. “Daddy-O, that square is cramping our style, dig?”
The badger scanned the environment and then saw it. The squarest of squares.
A nerd.
A nerd’s nerd.
He was overweight and walking on the sidewalk. Neck craned down and looking at a screen. He wasn’t looking where he was going. He was far too busy with his game.
Felix stroked the inside of Jack’s leg and told him to pull up next to the geek. The bulldog’s anguished look of having his style cramped was hushed by a gentle stroke of his fur.
The badger cleared his throat and the nerd gave a startled jump.
“A-Ah! W-What was that for? You almost made me drop my Chinese retro bootleg handheld!” He whined. The human wasn’t even freaking out from the sight of an anthropomorphic bulldog or badger.
Looks like Asher’s enthusiastic alterations were starting to run deep. Felix shook his head. Well, he wasn’t going to let that posh nephew outdo him.
The badger stepped out of the car and walked towards the nerd. The pear-shaped egghead recoiled as the badger approached him.
Without missing a beat, Felix snatched the portable emulator out of his hands.
“H-hey! Give that back!” Whined the flustered nerd. “That cost me 200 dollars!”
“Hold on, hold on,” said Felix soothingly, “I just wanted to take a look at this gizmo.”
Truth be told, Felix knew next-to-nothing about these newfangled electronics. Personally, he preferred his computers to have vacuum tubes. Gigabytes? Megabytes? He’d rather have a bite to eat.
Still, he pretended to humor the nerd for a moment. “So, what can you do this with this?”
The nerd straightened his posture, glad to have someone to talk to. “Well, using the same principle as a blueberry pii, this hardware can function as a portable emulator. Why, I had just been playing Manorvania: Bloodlines. A wonderful game where you play as the son of a character from a classic vampire novel instead of the Highmonts, and you try to…”
Jesus Christ. He had lost Felix as soon as he said “blueberry pii”. Where was the pie? This was a game handheld. Mmm, blueberry pie à la mode.
“And it’s made out of-“
OK, this had gone on long enough. Felix didn’t have all day to listen to someone talking about this egghead mumbo jumbo.
“Leather,” blurted out Felix. Almost instinctually.
The nerd looked flustered. “W-what? But that’s…”
“A real pigskin,” the badger said as the electronic device in his hands remolded itself into an authentic leather football. “None of that rubber shit, right?”
The nerd nodded in agreement as blonde hairs started to sprout on his face. Forgetting that he had ever owned a bootleg emulator.
“Say,” remembered Felix as he ran a claw across the ball, “I never did catch your name. Let me guess. Your name’s Buddy, right? I bet you know your way around a football.”
The nerd nodded again as his ears lifted themselves to the top of his head. Stretching into long, blonde, fur-coated flaps just like Jack’s. Falling past his jaws.
Felix gestured at Buddy to go long. To beat feet.
Without missing a beat, the nerd started running across the sidewalk. Not even noticing that he had stepped out of his shoes. Dog paws clacking against the sidewalk as he breathed heavily.
Buddy thought he wouldn’t be able to run for another second as he kept going out for a throw. Just how far was the badger going to throw that ball? He was mouth breathing and it burned his lungs. His heart thumped loudly. Buddy was almost wheezing. He thought he was going to collapse from this spontaneous display of exertion.
Until he caught his second breath.
Gold-blonde fur surged across Buddy’s body as his physique dropped the pounds and put on lean muscle. Biceps swelled into existence, perfect for using those guns to propel a ball across the field. The rest of his body filled out with more bulging muscle, but nothing like those cannons the new wide receiver called arms. His dark nose flared, taking in more air with each breath. Pushing out into a canine snout.
That was far enough. Felix leaned back and threw the leather football as hard as he could. The prolate spheroid whizzed through the air and Buddy intercepted it perfectly.
As the wide receiver golden retriever clutched the football in triumph, a wave washed through his clothes. Khaki shorts turned into jeans. Jeans that did little to conceal his muscular, toned gams. Buddy could run a marathon with those muscular, defined calves. Almost hugging his jeans. His ass was well-defined but stirring with muscle. If his pants were any tighter, he’d rip them if he dove for a catch.
Scuffed-up hiking shoes turned into immaculate white sneakers. His anime t-shirt changed into a blue madras shirt. Sleeves that were strained tight around heavy muscle were noticeable for only a few moments before a red, white and blue letterman’s jacket materialized over the shirt.
The jacket was emblazoned with a big “P”. Showing that Buddy was a varsity footballer at good old Pioneer High School. Pioneer High, as American as apple pie.
As Buddy returned to Felix with the football, the wind whipped around his tousled blonde hair. Felix stepped closer and touched the errant strands. The golden retriever’s shaggy mop shaved itself down to an all-American flattop haircut. A real wig chop. Mechanically perfect with not a single hair out of place.
“What a catch,” said Felix in amazement as he clapped him on the back. Referring to more than one thing. Spending a few extra seconds to feel the toned muscles under the dog's clothes. “You’re going to state, right?”
“That’s right, sir,” said the golden retriever as a Bel Air car materialized next to him, a real cherry. A gift from his father for making letterman. “I’ve got a sports scholarship and everything…”
Buddy's chipper demeanor soured. He glowered as he saw Jack sitting in his car. Oh great, a greaser. Those chrome-plated fucks always thought they were so cool.
A high school class ring manifested itself on Buddy’s right hand. Perfect for making his punches that much stronger when he got into a scrape with those greaseballs. Perfect for handing out a shiner.
“Woah, hold on there, sport,” chuckled Felix. “I’m sure you’ll have plenty of time to work out that energy later, ya dig?” He said as his hand trailed further downwards and gave his toned legs a vigorous appraisal.
After some soothing pets, Felix waved goodbye to Buddy and stepped back into the car with Jack. The bulldog was staring at the retriever with daggers in his eyes. “I’m gonna flip my lid, you seriously decided to talk to that Soc fuck? He’s itchin’ for a switchin’.”
Felix looked at the bulldog and put an arm across his back, activating another change. He needed to be tougher-looking if he wanted to pull off the greaser look. Wouldn’t be good if his friend was a weakling.
Jack rolled his shoulders as they swelled, growing strong and broad, his pecs jutting forward into thick and pillowy slabs of canine beef. More muscle built along the bulldog’s back, giving the canine a distinctive hunched look. Drawing attention to his stocky stature and strength. He was a real top-heavy bruiser sort now.
Mmm, that was what Felix had been missing. Some machismo was a breath of fresh air after all that stuffy poshness. Reaching across the driver’s seat, Felix continued to shush the bulldog and stroked his thighs as the canine grew a bit shorter, legs bowing.
“Cut the gas and cool it. I just wanted to have a little chat with him. Now keep driving, there’s somewhere I want you to take me,” said Felix as he directed Jack towards another destination.