"Hey everyone, welcome back to Animalia Ambassadoria," said Miles, "As you all know, spring is right around the corner, which will soon mean spring break for a lot of people. Which for me means a trip down to Australia to visit the Animalian colonies there. And yes, you did hear right, I said 'colonies', plural. In addition to the colony set in central Australia near Alice Springs, a second colony was established in Northeastern Australia. Well, they're technically considered one colony, just split between two locations. You see, despite what many people think, Australia isn't all desert. It's only about 35% desert. The outback isn't just purely desert, it consists of arid and semi-arid areas, which covers about 70% of Australia. The coastal regions are far more fertile and get most of the rain so they're where Australia's human population is mostly concentrated.
"Of course, I won't be the only ones going to Australia. We have some guests who are returning there after their uplifting." Here, the camera turned to show the two 'Roid Roos' who had been brought to Australia. They were still as tall and imposing as they've ever been, easily towering over Miles. But their friendly expressions didn't make them seem so intimidating. "So, first off, tell me your names," said Miles.
"Well, my name's Khan," said the male. (Kirk: KHAAAAAAAAN!!! KHAAAAAAAAN!!!)
The kangaroos looked around in confusion. "I'll explain later," said Miles, "And your name?"
"My name's Marla," said the female.
"So, have you two been adjusting well?" asked Miles.
"Well, learnin' ta walk instead of hop is a hard habit ta break into," said Khan.
"And hoppin' ain't what it used ta be. Especially with these puppies on me chest," said Marla, cupping her breasts. There was a pretty big spike in lewd comments at that.
"Er, yes," said Miles, "But some of our viewers are wondering how you two were so much more muscular even before you uplifted."
"Good livin', mate," said Khan, "Ain't gotta worry about scroungin' and escapin' predators when you're in an animal sanctuary."
"And still plenty o' room ta hop around so we got bulked in muscles instead of fat," said Marla, "It did put some stress on our hearts, so that's why they had ta uplift us."
"And can you tell us what we can expect in Australia's two-part colony?" asked Miles.
"Well, we didn't live in either of them settlements before we were uplifted," said Marla, "So we don't really have a lot o' personal information about them."
"Yeah, that makes sense," said Miles, "But can you tell me what I can expect from Australia in general when I get there?"
"First off, it ain't gonna be spring break down there," said Khan, "Southern hemisphere means fall's startin'."
"Not that you'll need a coat or anything," said Marla, "It rarely gets nippy down there. Nighttime's cooler, but ya ain't likely ta freeze."
"Well, the wildlife in Australia isn't as super deadly as some people make it out to be, right?" asked Miles.
"Well, only if you're ignorin' safety rules," said Khan, "Of course, anyone dim enough to antagonize an emu, cassowary, or one of us roos is askin' for an ass-kickin'."
"Of course, those are the ones you can see comin'," said Marla, "There are plenty of nasty little buggers like snakes, spider, scorpions, centipedes..."
"And that's the ones on land," said Khan, "Out in the water, ya got saltwater crocodiles and sharks and they're better at sneakin' up at ya than ya think."
"And even little things in the water can kill ya," said Marla, "Like box jellyfish, blue-ringed octopi, cone snails..."
"Ok, ok, I think we get it," said Miles. Their list has sparked a lot of comments like 'No way I'm ever going to Australia' and 'Australia is Death Country'. "But it's honestly no worse than any other settled place. There are plenty of bugs at home that can be deadly menaces. But there's also a problem with introduced species."
"We ain't fond of rabbits, that's for sure," said Khan, giving Miles a flat look.
"Hey, I'm a hare, different class of species," said Miles.
"Yeah, but it's open season year-round for rabbits and other invasive blighters, particularly cane toads," said Marla.
"Right...maybe I ought to wear a shirt or something that says, 'I'm not a rabbit, I'm a hare'," said Miles. Though honestly, only a complete drunk would consider Miles an ecological threat...so he probably should wear that shirt in Australia.
"Still, if you don't mind too much heat, Uluru's pretty peaceful," said Khan.
"Well, I am a desert jackrabbit," said Miles, his long ears adapted for radiating excessive desert heat.
"And Northland's a bit too rainforest for my taste, but it's refreshin' for most folks," said Marla.
"I'll be sure to experience both of them when spring break comes around," said Miles.