“Where is your special place?”
The question caught Jeff off-guard. “You’re my special place.”
“You don’t understand the question.”
A stream cascaded down rocky steps in the primordial forest glen, pooling in front of Jeff. Sunshine touched the small clearing with her light, warming fingers.
It was quiet here.
Restful.
He sat on a moss-covered stone, breathing in the sweet air.
It all seemed familiar, like a long-forgotten childhood dream.
The water flowed, and Jeff recognized its movement, as though remembering words from an ancient, soothing lullaby he hadn’t noticed fade from memory long ago, but that he missed without realizing.
He wasn’t alone here. He thought Scott was here with him. He couldn’t see anyone else. Yet somehow, it felt like he was.
“The fracture can heal… if you let it.”
It wasn’t Scott’s voice. Yet he recognized it. The voice that wasn’t a voice, yet still spoke with silent words, felt as much as heard, inside as much as out.
Gentle.
Calming.
Jeff looked at his naked body. He didn’t see any fractures, didn’t feel any pain.
“What is that… that…” Jeff couldn’t find the right words to continue, so rephrased. “What’s in the closet?”
The only answer was a soft breeze that ruffled his hair gently. Something about this place felt more… real… than anywhere else he had ever been.
More authentic.
Honest.
“I want to understand.” He waited, quietly.
Peace permeated the air, enveloping him like water around the little fish in the pool before him. He welcomed its soothing warmth, bathed in its healing nature.
“You will. In time.”
Jeff felt wetness on his face.
“Why are you crying, sweetheart?”
He opened his eyes, and saw Scotty’s soft expression over him. So strong. So beautiful. He looked like an angel, his ears normal again, golden hoops catching the light, his long blonde hair a beautiful halo flowing down around him. He felt Scotty’s strong arms holding him, felt hot tears running down his face, and heard himself sob. “I don’t know,” he said slowly, then sobbed again.
He was surprised. Even upset, his voice sounded deeper. Then he remembered, he had used the Chronivac to make himself the 18-year-old hairy, muscled football jock again he had been before the reset, retaining the tats and piercings.
“Did you have a bad dream?”
“No.” Jeff couldn’t stop crying, tears flowing now.
Scotty kissed him on the forehead, and hugged him in a warm embrace. “It’s okay, baby. I got you.” He held his raven-haired love tight.
Jeff’s heavy, muscular body trembled, releasing grief. He didn’t understand what was happening. He just knew tears, knew sorrow, and let Scotty hold him through it.
He heard Scotty repeating softly to him over and over in a soothing chant, “It’s okay, baby. Let it all out.”
It was a strange thing, waking up, finding himself crying without knowing why. Scotty holding him, whispering ‘it’s okay’ and rocking him in his strong arms, gently. Here he was, a six and a half foot muscular football warrior... crying like a baby. But he felt no shame in it. Jeff truly didn’t understand why he was crying, he just let it flow out of him. He somehow knew it was time, that it needed to finally come out.
Then he heard himself say the horrible truth he had buried so deep down.
“Will is dead.” His face contorted in grief, his body shaking anew.
A flash of memory. A moment of grief. A moment imprisoning him, that he lived in. The moment his heart broke, and he died with him. Yet how could he let go of grief? Lest he lose him altoghether? “It’s all I have left... it’s all I have left of him.”
“What’s all you have left? I don’t understand, baby.” Scotty’s question was met with cries of pain. So he did the only thing he could, and held him. “I’m right here, Jeffy.” Scotty whispered, rocking him gently. After a time comforting his boyfriend, he asked softly, “Can you tell me who Will is?”
Jeff spoke between sobs. “He was my best friend… He was like a brother, he meant everything to me. I loved him.”
Jeff looked up at Scott, his eyes filled with pain. “And I killed him.” He sobbed loudly. “Oh God… I killed him. I killed Will.”
His body quaked. Scotty held him, rocking him slowly, feeling so helpless.