Bill stared at himself on the screen of Tammy's phone, utterly shocked at his new face. He looked so different! Everyone looked different! This was insane! He subconsciously clenched the fist that held the Ahn'Ger Stone tighter as his 'mother' pulled the phone away and slid it back into her purse, trading it for a small paperback book.
"I've been wanting to catch up on my reading for a while!" She said, seeing Bill staring at her from the corner of her eye.
"I hope you don't plan on reading the whole time. If you wanted to read we could have saved on a condo" Gene said with a derisive snort as he flicked on the radio.
"Well maybe if I finish I can...tell you all about it" Tammy said, a playful tone in her voice that caused Gene's eyebrows to rise. With a soft chuckle, the former teenage girl flipped on the radio as he rest a hairy arm on the center console next to Tammy's.
"Take me hooooome, Country rooooads" Bob Denver's voice crooned from the station wagon's speakers, and Bill's mind clouded with sadness as he thought about how the morning had started. It was true what another song said, he didn't know what he had until it was gone, even if they (save for one annoying twelve year old) were all sitting nearby in the same vehicle.
As the loaded station wagon rolled out of Shermer and onto the Interstate that led towards the city of Chicago, Bill silently fumed to himself as he sat in a car full of familiar strangers. He was supposed to know each of these individuals but to him, and because of the mysterious magical gemstone in his hand, they were now all twisted. Bad enough his best friend had become his wife and then his girlfriend, but at least those wishes had come with memories!
As Gene competently weaved through the morning traffic that would only get heavily, the classic folk song faded away as the chords of another one flared to life.
"There must be some kind of way out of here said the soldier to the thief" Jimi Hendrix's signature voice called out, and suddenly the aggressive music made Bill's thoughts turn away from sadness as anger at the situation he was once again stuck in filled his mind.
"Now this is a great song!" Bill's 'dad' said from the front seat, glancing back at Bill through the rear view mirror, "Your mom and I used to listen to it all the time back in college".
"You did, dear. I was just along for the ride" Tammy said as she turned her attention to her book.
Now his best friend turned wife turned girlfriend had become Bill's mother, his best friend's bitter ex had become his father, and the two teenagers that were making small talk and surfing their phones had been his original mother and father! And this time the gemstone hadn't provided any memories on top of the huge time shift, it had simply tossed him into this reality. And Bill himself didn't even look the same! He now looked more like his new 'dad', Gloria's strong genetics making him look like a stranger himself. Anger welled up within Bill's stomach and despite the bright morning sunlight streaming into the backseat of the car and the Stone being hidden within his fist, Bill could see a shimmer of the strange light that seemed to show that the magical artifact was ready to grant a wish.
'I need to just change everything back to normal!' The Strasserman turned Vanapolous thought to himself, 'But what if it just makes it worse? No I...I need to figure it out first! Maybe then I can change everything back the right way!' Bill forced the anger in his stomach away, accepting, at least for the moment, that he was Bill Vanapolous, son of Gene and Tammy Vanapolous, and he watched as the other-worldly glow between his fingers faded away.
'Huh. So is it powered by anger? that...That actually makes a lot of sense' Bill pondered as he cautiously uncurled his fingers and exposed the now inert gemstone to the rest of the world. It glittered in the heavy morning sunlight and cast a green glow over his face as it reflected the light, and he saw Martha look over from her phone.
"Oh wow! That's really pretty Bill! Where did you get that?" She gasped, putting her phone down and sliding over in the long back seat of the station wagon, scooting almost uncomfortably close as she leaned in to stare at it.
"Where did he get what?" Greg said as he too pulled his eyes away from his own phone.
"Bill's got some kind of really pretty gemstone!" Martha said as she leaned closer onto Bill, her breasts pushing up against him as she leaned in even closer, "Wow, look at the middle! Is that real gold?"
"Gold? Bill, what the hell do you have?" Gene's voice barked in front of him and Bill saw the dark, brooding eyes that once belonged to a teenage girl staring at him suspiciously. Even Tammy turned in her seat to look at her son. In just the brief moment he'd exposed the Ahn'Ger Stone to the world it had drawn unwanted attention!
"It's nothing, mo-Martha! Just, uh, something I found in my desk last, uh, night! I thought I'd bring it along for good luck?" Bill shoved the gemstone into his pocket as quick as he could, illiciting a disappointed sigh from Martha how pulled away from Bill and went back to her phone.
"Well, it's really pretty. It'd make a beautiful necklace! And don't call me Martha, you know I like to be called Rose" The former mom said as she popped her earbuds in and pulled up a video on her phone. Bill looked over at Greg, who just stared back, his face a slight frown before his eyes darted towards Martha for a second before they too drifted back to the tiny screen in his hands. It almost looked as if his former father was...jealous?
"I think Martha is a very pretty name" Tammy said from the front seat as she turned back to her book, "It's got such a classic feel!"
"Thanks, Mrs. Vanapolous, I just prefer Rose" Martha, or rather, Rose said politely before she quickly fished a pair of earbuds out of her small purse and gave Bill a small smile before zoning off into the world of Youtube makeup blogs.
'God this is so weird. I'll have to check it out the next time I'm alone' Bill thought as he placed his hand protectively over the lump the Ahn'Ger Stone had created in his pocket. He couldn't let anything happen to it, it was his one and only ticket back to normalcy.
"Whatever it is, you better put it in your carry-on before we get on the plane, Bill. Last thing we need is you causing another delay and making us miss our flight" Gene said as he zoomed the station wagon past a row of semi-trucks.
"Yeah, they'll think you're some kind of gem thief" Greg said snarkily, "They'd have to do a cavity search" The former father and former cheerleader shared a chuckle before Tammy shushed the both of them. The car lapsed into silence as they rolled along the interstate, and Bill simply listened to the old songs that played on a loop on the XM radio station his dad had stuck the radio on.
It only took about an hour and a half to get to Chicago from Shermer, but it seemed to last forever to Bill. He kept his hand latched on the gemstone, and every now and then someone would make small talk. His new parents had eventually lapsed into talking about Gene's job, working under Jon Ingerman's father of all people, and the eventual tense silence that followed when Gene snapped at a otherwise innocent question from his wife. Eventually the silence was broken as the countryside gave way to concrete and pavement, the Chicago skyline rising above the suburbs of the outer Chicagoland metro area.
"We're almost there!" Tammy said happy, reaching back to pat Bill on the knee, "You getting excited, honey?"
"Uh, yeah. Yes. Yes I'm uh, pretty jazzed up!" Was all Bill could think of to say, earning him a half-smile as his 'mother' simply turned back to the window. Rose and Greg had pulled their faces away from their phones as they looked out the windows of the station wagon, Rose, since she was in the middle seat, alternating by leaning over Bill and Greg to get a better view, pressing up against each. of them in an almost provocative fashion.
'Is...Is mom coming onto me?' Bill thought as the younger teenage version of his mother, who in her day had been quite a beauty and now was once more, pressed up against him as Gene dove in and out of the chaotic urban traffic as he made a mad dash for the airport exit ramp, made worse by the near constant toll booths that plagued the Chicagoland area due to the trainwreck the state's budget was in.
"I told you you should have gotten over sooner!" Tammy cried out as Gene pushed the station wagon through a gap in the traffic that was just wide enough, earning him several angry honks.
"JUST LET ME DRIVE, DAMNIT" Gene roared as the exit to the airport loomed in front of them.
Option 1: The Vanapolous family and friends make it to the airport and their gate on time. While there, BIll is pulled aside by Tammy, who inadvertently fills him in on the purpose of the vacation in the hopes of improving Bill's mood.
Option 2: The Vanapolous family misses the exit and wind up in downtown Chicago on a long, time consuming detour! Gene grows ever angrier, eventually provoking Bill into making a wish that, as expected, goes horribly wrong.