“C'mon Bill, summer awaits!” smiled Tammy, pulling him forward towards the front door as they followed the man named Gene. They piled onto the front porch. As he felt this version of Tammy's soft but firm grip, Bill still couldn't believe it, the Stone had, for some reason, twisted his entire wish and had transformed his Tammy into his new mother! And if his quickly forming hunch was correct, that meant that Gene had to be Gloria and was now his father!.
The wall of oppressive summer heat hit him like a ton of bricks and immediately a thin layer of sweat began forming on his brow. Summers in the American Midwest were always hot, but it seemed especially so in the weird time jump that had occurred with the wish. Not to mention the oppressive brightness of the morning sun as it lit the world beyond the protective covering of the porch.
"Christ, we should have gotten going earlier like I wanted. Its gonna be some hard driving with the sun in my eyes all day" Gene said, and Bill saw the dark haired man that was apparently now his father cast an annoyed look at both him and Tammy.
"Gene, I was not going to make everyone get up at the crack of dawn just because you do. We're on vacation! We can afford to relax a little!" Tammy's voice had an edge to it as she rolled her eyes at her husband.
"That's about the only thing we'll be able to afford after this. Taking a big vacation when we've got a kid in college and another one a month away? Bleeding me dry over here, honey" Gene pulled one of his pants pockets inside out in dramatic fashion, to which Tammy just crossed her slightly flabby arms.
"Oh just get in the car, Gene!" The former man turned Bill's wife turned geeky teenage girlfriend turned Bill's mom said with a dismissive wave. Gene turned and took a few steps towards the small set of stairs leading down off the porch before he stopped.
"Don't forget to lock the door like you did last time!" Gene warned, "I swear if mom calls and says the door is hanging wide open again, we're coming straight home and never taking another vacation!"
"That's what I'm doing right. Now. Honey." Tammy hissed as she dug into her purse, pulling out a loaded key chain.
"Well good. I locked the other ones while we were waiting on Bill, so get it locked so we can get our asses in gear!" Gene turned and stomped his way down the steps and across the small pathway that curved towards the rumbling station wagon.
'That's new' Bill thought to himself, having been frozen in the awkwardly tense exchange between his best friend turned mom and his best friend's ex-turned dad. Before, in the old reality there was just the concrete path that led to the sidewalk, but in this new reality one of his new 'parents' must have decided that walking three feet across grass was unacceptable and had made a secondary path to the driveway. In the gap between the new path and the house there was now a small garden of roses and other flowers that, in the baking heat of summer, looked like they could use a drink.
As his gaze followed Gene to the car, Bill could see two other bodies in the back seat of the station wagon, though with the glare from the morning light he couldn't tell who they were, but he figured he'd find out soon enough.
"Ugh, I love that man, but sometimes I just want to strangle him!" Tammy muttered to herself as she turned towards the front door, pulling out a particular key and sliding it into the two locks. The short blonde dropped the keys back into her purse with a sigh and turned to face Bill, given him a strained smile.
"Don't worry about that, sweetheart. You know how your dad gets when he's under pressure. C'mon, let's get this show on the road! Two weeks of fun in the sun!" Bill's new mom chuckled at her own little rhyme as a more genuine smile grew on her face. as she hooked grabbed Bill's arm and practically dragged him to the station wagon.
As they approached the waiting automobile Bill shot a look at the luggage area, seeing a pile of suitcases, recognizing his but the rest were unknown to him, one of them a bright pink that sat on top of a dull, old looking Chicago Cubs themed suitcase that triggered something within Bill's memory, but he couldn't figure out what. But before he could ask a question, Tammy was opening the backseat passenger door for him and a wave of cool air washed over him. Reluctantly, he entered the backseat, still holding tightly onto the broken artifact that he thrust his life in three bizarre new directions over the course of one morning. He turned to look at his fellow passengers, and his heart suddenly jumped into his throat.
There, sitting practically on top of him, were the teenage versions of his original mom and dad! Martha was sitting in the middle, her brown hair in long and slightly curly as it was draped over her bare shoulders. Her face was youthful and full of life, and every bit as pretty as Bill remembered it being even without the 90s style make-up from old family pictures. Her lips were parted in a warm smile as they said something, but Bill couldn't tell what as the sound of his pulse thundered away in his ears. He found his eyes drifting downward in disbelief, following the straps of his former mother's tank top and bra down to two modest breasts, to the barely visible mid-rift and the cut-off jean shorts she was wearing, all the way down to the sandals that sat between her toes.
And then Bill's shocked gaze turned to the other occupant in the back seat, sitting on the other side of the car. It was his dad, Greg! It took Bill a few seconds to connect the dots on who the other young man had been, his father's signature 'Henry Cavill 'stache'' no longer resting proudly on his upper lip. Instead the younger version of his former dad was wearing a Chicago Cubs ball cap and clean shaven, an almost baby-faced look with eyes that clearly didn't need glasses. Yet. And even though he knew the old version of his dad wore the Cubs hat on vacation because of the bald spot, the tufts of hair in slight need of a rm stuck out from under the rim of the hat.
As Mom-Tammy opened the passenger side door and slid into her seat, the world leap back to normal speed and the pounding in his ears fade away.
"Bill, are you okay?" His previous mother's youthful, melodious voice.
"What? Oh, um, yeah. Yeah I'm good. Just, uh, still a little sleepy, that's all!" Bill faked a yawn and did his best to push out a smile.
"He shouldn't be, he slept in the entire damn morning" Gene said from the seat in front of him.
"Enough, Gene. Now, we have the tickets? Everyone got everything they need?" Tammy said, spinning in her seat after giving her husband a look.
"Tickets? Where are we going?" Bill asked, suddenly confused. He could have sworn that they were going on a road-trip! He was suddenly amused by the fact that everything that had happened in the span of thirty minutes had drastically altered his life and the lives of those around him, this was the thing that caught him entirely off guard.
"Dude, you're totally out of it!" Greg chuckled from the other side of the car, "We're flying to California, remember? Otherwise I wouldn't be here"
"It's a good thing your parents paid for your part of the trip, because then you really wouldn't be here" Gene muttered as he backed the car out onto the street a little too fast causing the tires to squeal. And then they were off, accelerating aggressively down the street as his new 'dad' clearly vented his frustration with the car.
"Yeah, thank you Mrs. and Mr. Vanapolous! We're super happy you're letting us come along! I've never been to California before, I can't wait to see the resort condo and swim in the ocean!" Martha said, and it was clear to Bill that his old mom still possessed the ability to diffuse things with her words as the look of anger on Tammy's face faded and turned back to excitement.
"Oh Martha, honey, you two kids are practically family to us, it's gonna be such a blast having you along!" Tammy turned forward for a moment before popping back around, a cellphone held up in front of her face. "Let's get you guys in a group picture!"
Bill felt Martha lean into him, her breasts bobbing to the side just enough to brush against Bill's chest as the teenage version of his mother slid an arm across his shoulder. On the other side of Martha, Greg slid into the frame as she slid her other arm across his.
"Oh, you kids look so cute! Okay, on three I want you guys to say...um..."
"Bankruptcy?" Gene muttered as he hunched over the steering wheel, but Tammy seemed to ignore him.
"Hmm, how about you guys say 'summer!', all right?" Tammy raised her finger in preparation to take the photo, "One...Two...Three!"
"SUMMER!" Martha and Greg said in unison as a flash of white light momentarily blinded Bill as his new mom took the picture. With a squeal of delight, Tammy spun the phone around to show the three teens, and Bill finally got a look at himself. HE looked entirely different!
Instead of his normal WASPy looks, now he looked very much like Gene, close cropped dark hair, large nose, almost naturally tanned skin. But his eyes were a dark, twinkling blue and he could pick out traces of what had once been Tammy's male features, when she had, once upon a time, been Tom Ackerton. Bill squeezed the gemstone in his hand, suddenly reminded of it's presence once more as the edges bit into his flesh.
'Holy shit. I look like a completely different person! I look like...like Gloria! I'm Bill Vanapolous!" Bill's mind did a somersault and he felt a twinge of anger at the injustice. In his fist, the broken Stone let out a soft glow. Bill then...
Option 1: Bill learns more about this new world, the vacation and his relationship with his teenage parents as they drive to Chicago to catch their flight.
Option 2: Bill blurts out an angry wish, forgetting about the damage to the Stone, which only makes his situation even stranger.