Out on the dance floor, Dr. Bashir awkwardly gyrated with Rev. Mather. Dr. Bashir hated everything about this. He hated dancing sexily with a man, he hated watching the demons around him dancing sexily with each other, he hated that his partner-in-justice was a Christian who quietly hated him for his Muslim faith, he hated Rev. Mather's beard of tentacles that almost made the pastor look like a long-lost third son of Prince Leviathan, and he hated his own serpent tail and forked tongue. Most of all, Dr. Bashir hated taking the form of a female. He'd been taught all his life that Allah had created women to serve men, and taking such a weak form was shameful to the devout imam. Nonetheless, there was nothing Dr. Bashir would not do for Allah and the Prophet Muhammad.
Dr. Bashir watched as Rachel and Maisy danced like shameless heathens, grinding their crotches and breasts together. This Rachel girl was every bit as wild as Rev. Church had said. The girl had obviously abandoned her faith entirely. And while Christians could never be as holy as Muslims, they were still People of the Book as Muslims like Dr. Bashir called them and thus followed a faint echo of Allah's teachings. At any rate, it was more righteous than this!
"What a pair of whores," Rev. Mather whispered. Mather was a hardline pastor from the Conservative Congregational Christian Conference, the conservative, fundamentalist wing of the Congregationalists diametrically opposed to the liberal United Church of Christ. When he wasn't killing demons, Rev. Mather spent much of his time preaching against the evils of homosexuality, feminism, premarital sex, promiscuity in the media, and clothing that showed much in the way of skin. The things we was witnessing would shock his congregation back on Earth. "Just remember that we can't be rash, no matter how tempting it is. You were a fool up in Rachel's apartment, you know. The plan is to study the targets, learn their habits, and lure them to where each can be killed alone and in secret. Divide and conquer."
"I know," sighed Dr. Bashir. "That was my plan as well. Then the Shaitan himself walked in and I couldn't help myself."
"What the heck is a shaitan?!" asked Rev. Mather.
"It's the Arabic word for 'Satan'," Dr. Bashir explained, wincing as "her" breasts squished against the pastor's scaly pectorals. "I mean the creature you Christians call Satan, the Devil, or Lucifer."
"Well, I understand the temptation," sighed Rev. Mather. "Just don't give in again. We have to choose the most advantageous moment to strike at the Devil. What you did was a blunder I'd expect from that rookie Cromwell. If I know him like I think I do, he's probably slaughtered half of the Ministry of Defense by now and blown his cover."
"I am nothing like that Cromwell meathead," Dr. Bashir hissed. "From now on, I'm doing this the patient way: learn, isolate, kill, cover up."
"We have to stick to our cover identities," Rev. Mather whispered. "I'm Trebax, aide to the grand chancellor, and you're my girlfriend Mabeuth. You work for the ambassodor to Yemen."
"I know who we're supposed to be," Dr. Bashir grumbled. "I say we interrupt this sinful farce of a dance and go talk to Rachel. She might say something useful." The serpentine "demoness" slithered down to Rachel and Maisy, Rev. Mather following close behind.
"Lady Tenebra!" Dr. Bashir gasped with phony delight. "Thank Darkness you're alright!" It hadn't taken Dr. Bashir long to learn that Rachel's demonic name was Tenebra; it had been on every demon's lips since the botched assassination. "I heard you'd been stabbed by an escaped Iron Knight! The worst part is I work where he'd infiltrated! I'm Mabeuth. I'm an aide to Wadd, the ambassador to Yemen. Oh, and this is my boyfriend Trebax."
"I work in the Grand Chancellor's Office," Rev. Mather said, shaking Rachel's hand. "It's an honor to finally meet the bride of the Archdiablesse."
"The honor's all mine," said Rachel.
"You seem much friendlier than Lord Adrammelech," Maisy smiled.
"I can't say I'm fond of that anti-human hardliner," "Trebax" said. "Mabeuth's actually an ex-human herself, you know."
"That's right," "Mabeuth" nodded. "I was born into a Bedouin tribe over two hundred years ago." Dr. Bashir prided himself on being able to compose backstory for "herself" quite quickly. "Trebax asked me to marry him in 1821."
"Funny you should mention marriage to my daughter," a voice from behind Dr. Bashir laughed. "We've been making plans!"
Dr. Bashir and Rev. Mather turned to see a demoness who strongly resembled Rachel holding hands with a being that the two Iron Knights instantly recognized as Princess Astaroth Morningstar, Archduchess of the Sixth Circle and sister to Lucifer. Rev. Mather nearly sneered at Astaroth's body's mocking burlesque of angelic beauty, but he caught himself. "Pleased to meet you," he said. "I am Trebax, and this is my girlfriend Mabeuth. It's an honor to meet The Archduchess of the Sixth Circle in person!"
"You were saying something about a wedding?" Dr. Bashir asked, convincingly faking a gossipy giggle.
"Astaroth and I were planning out our own along with those of my daughter Rachel and my son Josh," said Atargatis.
"Your son?" asked Rev. Mather, recalling meeting Josh Church Jr. a few times while having dinner with the Churches. (He was grateful that he looked unrecognizable with a faceful of writhing, wriggling tentacles.) "Is he marrying a demon as well?"
"Actually, he's marrying an angel," said Atargatis. "Her name's Penemue."
That news was nearly as bad to Rev. Mather as Rachel's demonic wedding. He had been taught in his seminary that humans marrying angels and having children with them was why God had sent the Great Flood. He even recalled the name Penemue from the extra-Biblical Book of Enoch as belonging to an angel that had come down to Earth to share forbidden knowledge and sciences with humans. While the Bible was clearly the premier Holy Book, Rev. Jeremiah Mather considered the Book of Enoch to be divinely inspired as well. This Josh situation was serious!
"Is there anything else we should know about all these weddings," Dr. Bashir asked, doing a shockingly good job at sounding bubbly.
"We're holding all three at the same time," said Atargatis. "We were thinking about Purgatory since it's neutral ground. What do you think, Rachel?"
"Sounds great!" Rachel smiled. "There won't be any trouble among the guests, will there?"
"Mostly just some awkwardness, I'd imagine," said Astaroth. "Purgatory is neutral ground that any angel or demon may enter freely so long as they come in peace. I suspect that Belial might bluster a bit, and Beelzebub or one of his allies might try to goad someone into an actual fight, but most angels and demons won't go for that."
"Why not?" asked Rachel.
"Because they're too afraid of upsetting their kings," said Astaroth. "God and Lucifer are among the few veterans of the rebellion who have completely forgiven each other... though I notice that Michael and Baal are well on their way to forming an odd friendship of sorts as well."
The conversation was confusing Rev. Mather. As a good Protestant, he had never believed in the Catholic doctrine of Purgatory, and the idea of Lucifer ever being forgiven was nonsense, as was an archangel like Michael befriending a demon. Still, he was prepared to concede a point to the Catholics on this. The demon princess might be delusional about what God and Michael thought of her kind, but she presumably knew the geography of the afterlife well enough. "Mabeuth and I will be sure to attend if work doesn't prevent it," he smiled.
"Absolutely!" Dr. Bashir nodded. "I've never met a wedding I didn't like, and this sounds like the wedding of the century!"
"We'll let you have a moment to yourself," Rev. Mather smiled. "Goodbye, Your Majesties. It was a genuine taste meeting you!" He and "Mabeuth" waved goodbye as the walked off.
"I see you're making friends with the court already," Dagon chuckled as he, his brother, and his sister-in-law joined Rachel. "I can tell that you'll be Lady Popularity around here."
"I overheard something about Purgatory," said Scylla. "I hear the weather there is lovely this time of the year."
"You're all invited, of course," Maisy smiled. "Our triple wedding wouldn't be complete without my favorite cousins there to watch."
"You're schmaltzy enough to be an angel," Dagon snickered.
"Brother, quit joking around and be polite," Charybdis whispered, elbowing his brother in the ribs.
"Oh, let him have his fun," Rachel smiled. "He deserves to share in the happiness I'm feeling right now!"