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Mad Science

A Funny Fourth...

added by makutamon 2 months ago O

With Fourth of July in Animalia and its colonies, everyone was focusing on either letting off fireworks or participating in barbecues. However, due to the overall "shape" of Animalians, there were plenty of cases of people showing off in attempts to impress or otherwise woo Animalians. Safe to say it wasn't just men doing so.

In one infamous case, a girl was trying to show off to "Sergei" by swallowing a hot dog whole. Nobody really knew what she was trying to prove with that, but because it was one of those extra-large hot dogs (and she had had several drinks beforehand), her attempt ended in failure, to put it mildly.

---

Of course, Animalians weren't completely immune to funny/embarrasing situations, and in some cases, the reactions were more amusing than the incident itself.

The best case of this was when Antonia Soon (stage name Susan B. Anthony) somehow managed to rope Henry and Beatrice into the Fourth of July Party at the Meat Market, though nobody really knew how that was accomplished. While Henry did admit that the detachable cuffs, collar, and bowtie did make him look more handsome, the star-spangled speedo was more embarrassing to him than it initially was, especially since both Beatrice and Antonia seemed to like it, judging by their girlish giggles behind his back.

While Susan and Beatrice were working the stage, Henry had, only slightly, better luck and was assigned as a waiter. While this was slightly better than dancing on the stage, it proved, indubitably, that inappropriate behavior toward Animalians wasn't just directed towards females. Only two hours in, he had already counted 15 slaps to his bottom and several inappropriate comments about his muscles. Possibly the worst thing he'd ever faced was when one drunken girl tried to pull out one of his tail feathers. While such an act hurt him a surprising amount, the girl was hit with both a charge of sexual misconduct and attempted assault, which helped lessen the pain somewhat (an aspirin did the rest).

Fortunately, Henry managed to spot a golden fox Animalians with dark sclera in a similar outfit and a similar look on her face, which reassured him that he wasn't the only one not enjoying themselves.

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Heiya Island was celebrating July in different ways, mainly because Japan doesn't have "Fourth of July". However, the Fourth was a good time to officially open the second Asian colony, which some were naming the "Realm of Mortals" (or ningen no ryouiki in Japanese). Part of the official reveal was the official showing of the "immortal" peach tree that had been found during inspection.

Part of the reason why the peach tree was "immortal" was its immense age (with new technology confirming beyond reasonable doubt that it was at least 1000 years old, and possibly older), which didn't seem to prevent it from producing peaches, much to the confusion of Japanese and Chinese scientists. Because they didn't want to cut it down to count its rings, both China and Japan declared the tree as 'legally protected'. Nate wasn't able to be present at the official opening because Shuixing was in too delicate a state to travel, but he was permitted to take a small cutting from the tree once his calf was born.

---

Finally, because of the success of Animalia's first "conversion orgy", there were requests filtering in for other kinds of conversion orgies. While not all of them were approved, there were a few that really raised eyebrows.

"What on earth is 'hotboxing'?", asked one cat Animalian who worked at Horizon, visibly confused at one request, "And why would they want a 'religious' theme to it?"

"'Hotboxing' is the act of smoking marijuana in an enclosed space to enhance its effects." said one intern, who looked up the term in the Urban Dictionary, and who had done his research on marijuana, "Traditionally, the india hemp plant, the source of marijuana, was seen as a divine gift from Shiva, and it wasn't until the mid- to late-20th century that marijuana became an illegal drug."


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