Scott sighed as he popped to his feet, deciding that he best rendezvous with Kai before settling on a next step. He was halfway down the stairs when he heard a squeaky, high-pitched soprano ringing out from the far end of the first floor.
“I’m a little teapot, short and stout! Here is my handle, here is my spout…”
Adorable as the singing was, Scott felt a chill run down his spine at hearing his preschooler partner belting out the infantile song with such childish enthusiasm. He hurried over to the living room and reached the entryway just in time to catch the end of Kai’s performance – to see the three year old glowing like a tomato as he warbled and danced in nothing but his Buzz Lightyear Pull-Ups. On the couch sat Jackson and Ernesto, who egged the toddler on with laughter and hooting as the rest of Kai’s clothes sat in a pile between them.
“…when I get all steamed up, hear me shout – tip me over and pour me out!”
The bigger boys whistled and applauded as Kai wrapped up his performance, the toddler’s training pants producing a tiny crinkle as he dutifully bowed to his audience. When Kai rose, he saw a pale, wide-eyed Scott staring at him from the hall – and though the dopey grin remained plastered on three year old’s cute little face, Kai’s shimmering amber eyes betrayed the agony of his bottomless humiliation.
“What’s going on here?” Scott demanded of the bigger boys. “Did you guys force him to do that?”
“Of course not!” Ernesto declared with affected indignation. He turned to Kai and donned a snake’s smile. “It was all your idea, right Kai? Didn’t you want to do a little song and dance so you could show off your super cool training pants?”
“…that’s right!” Kai piped after an instant’s hesitation. “It’s fine, Scott, we’re just having fun.”
“Uh-huh.” Scott’s eyes were stone but neither Ernesto nor Jackson withered under the gaze of the ten-year-old spy, both seemingly daring him to call them out on their bullying. “Kai, could I talk to you in the dining room for a moment?”
“Sure!” The tiny Hawaiian hastily took the chance to skedaddle out of the room before the bigger boys could utter a word of protest. Scott started to follow him but then thought better of it, turning on his heel and marching over to Ernesto and Jackson. The three of them stared at one another for a moment before Scott snatched up Kai’s clothes and stormed out without a word, reluctantly accepting that there would be a better time to get them back for this. When he arrived in the dining room it was to find Kai already on one of the chairs, tiny bare feet dangling well above the ground and his head buried in his arms.
“Those fucking assholes.” Kai spat when Scott sat next to him, the older boy wincing at the way the angry curse sounded in his sweet little voice. “They better pray I never get an age advantage on them, ‘cause the second I do – ”
“Easy, Kai.” Scott murmured as he placed a soothing hand on the small of the toddler’s back. “Remember what we’re here for.”
“That’s rich, coming from you.” Kai sighed and shook his head. “I’m sorry, you don’t deserve that.”
“No, I probably do. Can I help you get dressed?”
The three year old raised his arms in response, giving Scott clearance to pull the Cookie Monster shirt over Kai’s scrawny chest and plump tummy. Relieved as the preschooler looked to be dressed again, that didn’t stop him from blushing up a storm at just how much he crinkled while getting his shorts back on.
“Did you find something?” The glowing boy whispered, clearly eager to change the subject. “Not that I don’t appreciate the save, but…”
“I did.” Scott confirmed, likewise lowering his tone beneath the range of the ever-present microphones. He described the square in the ceiling to Kai and shared his hunch on it being electronically controlled. “Only question is, how do we get the remote?”
“Don’t need to.” Kai countered. “If my hunch is right, everything within this house is connected to the Internet. If I can access the web, I can hack into the home network and open the attic that way – all I need is a smartphone and some time.”
“The producers were carrying phones while we were at the waterpark… I could lift their device if we got one of them in here. They’re going to notice very quickly that it’s missing, however – how much time do you need?”
“Tough to say.” Kai scrunched his too-cute features in an adorable show of concentration. “A typical residential network doesn’t offer much in the way of protection, but this is far from a typical residence. Plus, these stubby little crayon grippers…”
The toddler wiggled his tiny fingers at Scott.
“…aren’t exactly designed for hacking, so that’s going to slow me down. I’d say that I’ll need fifteen minutes at the very least.”
“That might be possible, but we’ll have to think of some way to keep the producer occupied for that long. What if we – ”
“Hey Scott, are you and your baby boyfriend done making kissy faces at each other yet?” Ernesto cruelly called out from the living room. “Get in here, Barrie says it’s almost time for the day’s activity.”
“Son of a bitch.” Kai grumbled and gave a frowning Scott a wilting look. “What, are you gonna wash my mouth out with soap?”
“No, it’s just jarring to see a three year old swear like a sailor.” The older boy shrugged as he helped Kai off his seat. “Though considering everything I’d say you’re entitled to a bit of cursing.”
“Gee, thanks dad.” Kai smirked and rolled his eyes. “Can we maybe get ice cream later? Pwetty pwease?”
“Only if you’re good.” Scott promised with a ruffle of Kai’s soft curls, his syrupy smile only growing bigger and brighter when the smaller boy giggled and playfully slapped Scott’s hand away. “Uh oh, looks like someone's being a Grumpy Gus. Does Kai-Kai need a time out?”
The pair snickered as they gave each other grief until reaching the living room, where both their faces fell the instant they laid eyes on the huge screen within. Splashed across that screen was a looping GIF of Kai singing and dancing to a nursery rhyme in nothing but his puffy undies, the performance apparently an instant hit among NGA fans worldwide. Reactions – some adoring, some mocking – kept pouring in no matter how often the animated image repeated, and with a wince Scott realized that the world’s image of Kai was now that of a goofy toddler who seemed completely unbothered by his lack of potty training. He needed only glance down at the three year old to see that Kai was grappling with the same realization, his tiny fists balled and trembling as he stared at the carpet in a quiet, fuming rage.
“HEY HEY, THERE’S OUR THREE FOOT TALL SUPERSTAR!” Barrie declared as Scott and Kai stepped into the room. “ENGAGEMENT NUMBERS ARE THROUGH THE ROOF, BUDDY BOY! EVERYONE OUT THERE STICK AROUND FOR THE SHOW, ‘CAUSE WE’RE ABOUT TO ANNOUNCE TODAY’S ACTIVITY!”
Scott quietly wrapped an arm around Kai’s slender shoulders to support him in the face of whatever was to come, smiling down at the still-blushing toddler when he responded by cuddling a little closer to the bigger boy.
“NOW THEN! AS OUR FANS KNOW, WE HERE AT NO GIRLS ALLOWED ARE PROUD TO GIVE BACK TO THE COMMUNITY IN ANY WAY WE CAN.” Barrie bloviated. “IN THAT SPIRIT, WE’RE DELIGHTED TO ANNOUNCE A PARTNERSHIP WITH AND SIZABLE DONATION TO THE BIG BROTHERS AND SISTERS OF AMERICA!”
A self-congratulatory burst of confetti as cash and “aww” emojis filled the screen.
“AS PART OF THAT PARTNERSHIP, WE’LL BE WELCOMING A BIG BROTHER IN TRAINING TO THE BOY’S HOUSE! HE’LL BE HERE UNTIL AFTER DINNER TO HANG OUT AND PLAY WITH YOU GUYS, BUT BE CAREFUL NOT TO REVEAL THAT YOU USED TO BE GROWN-UPS! AS FAR AS HE KNOWS, THIS IS JUST A TEACHING EXERCISE AND ALL YOUR PARENTS ARE RIGHT NEXT DOOR. ANYBODY WHO LETS THE SECRET SLIP WILL FACE A PUNISHMENT TO COME AFTER OUR SPECIAL GUEST LEAVES, SO EVERYONE MAKE SURE TO ACT THEIR AGES!”
DING DONG
“OH, THERE HE IS NOW! GO ON AND GREET HIM, BOYS, AND GOOD LUCK!”
Ernesto and Jackson enthusiastically headed for the front door while Scott and Kai trailed behind, both all too aware of what the challenge meant for the three year old. While the bigger boys could act reasonably mature and not get caught, Kai would have to convincingly act like a toddler for as long as the Big Brother was around – lest he be stripped of his Pull-Ups and taped into a pair of size four Pampers. By the time they arrived at the front door, Scott and Ernesto had already opened it – and on the stoop stood a handsome, lean man in his mid- twenties. He was blue-eyed and bespectacled and his shaggy mop of chestnut hair had been carefully arranged to make it seem as though he’d just rolled out of bed. The man wore a warm, slightly too broad smile as he looked down at the quartet, clearly as excited as he was nervous over the challenge of looking after four rambunctious boys.
“Hey there!” The young man greeted his curious charges. “I'm Ryan! You must be Jackson, Scott, Ernesto and Kai – the agency told me so much cool stuff about you guys! Ready to have a super fun day with your Big Brother?”