“I…I’m learning how to code!” Scott blurted out, the little confidence he held in the explanation undercut by the deepening of Ryan’s frown. “There’s, um, a class my dad signed me up for where they, like, teach HTML and stuff? So, uh, when I saw your phone I thought I’d borrow it so I could surprise you later by showing off all the cool stuff I learned.”
“…that’s fine, Scott, but you’re more than old enough to know how wrong it is to take someone else’s stuff without permission.” The young man’s stare had softened a touch but his tone was as unforgiving as ever. “I’d like an apology, please, and a promise that you’ll never do it again.”
“I’m really, really sorry Ryan. I promise I won’t ever steal again.”
“Thank you, Scott. That was very mature of you.” Despite the situation, the shrunken spy felt a little flutter in his chest when Scott approvingly squeezed his skinny shoulder. That flutter, however, turned into an icy grip clutching his heart when the towering man wrapped his arm around the alarmed ten-year-old and began guiding him towards the house. “You still have the face the consequences for what you did, though. Let’s go call your parents and see what they think would be appropriate.”
“W-wait, no! Please! I’ll get in SO much trouble!” A panicked Scott begged an unmoved Ryan. Desperate as the ten-year-old was to wriggle out of the man’s grasp, he knew he couldn’t be too rebellious without raising further suspicions as to why he was acting so strange. Just the same, a call to his “parents” – most likely a pair of production assistants playing the parts – would mean word of his naughtiness getting back to Barrie, who could take him back to single digits with a mere roll of the die. “PLEASE, Ryan! I said I was sorry!”
“I know you did, buddy, but that alone isn’t good enough. You have to – ”
“Ryan?”
The man’s lecture was interrupted by the piping of a tiny voice from behind the pair. When they turned, it was to see a pouting Kai digging a bare toe into the grass, adorable features darkened by infantile shame as he stood before Scott and Ryan in nothing but his Cookie Monster shirt and Buzz Lightyear Pullups. It wasn’t until Scott’s eyes drifted downward that he understood why the three-year-old looked so distressed – any toddler trying to master the potty would be upset about drenching his training pants as badly as Kai had.
“I hadda accy-dent.” Kai mewled around the stubby finger he absently chewed on, while an equally stubby finger on his free hand poked at the squishy, yellowed padding sagging between his smooth, plump thighs. “Can you ‘tange me pwease?”
“Aw, Kai, I’m sorry – I know you were trying real hard to keep those dry.” Ryan slipped the phone into his back pocket as he smiled softly and sympathetically at the tiny, lisped request. Kai’s full-body blush deepened another shade when the man effortlessly plucked him off the grass and carried him towards the house, bouncing the toddler’s wet little tush on his forearm with every step. “Let’s go get you all dry and comfy, okay?”
With that, the pair disappeared inside – but not before Kai could throw Scott what was meant to be a reassuring smile. The tiny boy’s shimmering amber eyes, however, spoke to the horrible shock and incredible humiliation felt by the grown man who’d wet himself like a genuine toddler. An overwhelmed Scott hastily found a seat on the grass before his knobby knees buckled beneath him, shaken by the bullet Kai had taken for the sake of the mission. Though the boy wished he could sprint upstairs right then and there to see if his partner had indeed hacked the home network, he knew how suspicious it’d look if he went to the house’s secret compartment right after there’d been a security breach. What’s more, Kai had made a terrible sacrifice to distract Ryan from Scott’s theft – the man might catch sight of the ten-year-old and be reminded of what he’d done, which would render the efforts of his fellow agent meaningless.
“Holy crap, did that really just happen?” Though Ernesto and Jackson had been playing by themselves a little ways off, the incredulous question of the Latino preteen and the expressions of the approaching boys – equal parts disgusted and amused – made it clear that both had seen Kai at his lowest moment yet. “I was kidding when I made that Pampers crack but I think Kai really needs them, he totally soaked those things.”
“Betcha Ryan puts him in diaper.” A grinning Jackson added. “He’s here for a few more hours, he probably doesn’t want to risk Kai doing, uh, the other thing in his Pull-Ups.”
“First, that’s disgusting.” Scott scowled. “Second, Kai’s clearly the best of any of us at following the assignment. You think Ryan has even the tiniest suspicion that he’d ever been older than three?”
“Wow, cool, I’m so impressed that Kai can imitate a pants-pissing baby.” Ernesto snorted. “Look, just because that friend of yours is too lousy at this game to stay out of padded undies doesn’t mean you have to be dragged down with him. Probably be doing a whole lot better if you acted like you did at the waterpark a little more often.”
“Thanks for the advice!” Scott chirped with mock appreciation. “I’ve always aspired to live like some parasite perennial game show contestant, so these little gems of yours really brighten my day.”
Ernesto reddened and balled his fists as a wide-eyed Jackson backed away from the bickering boys.
“What did you just say to me?”
“Oh, I’m sorry – I didn’t realize that you were feckless and deaf. I said, YOU’RE A MISERABLE LITTLE PARASITE WITH NO CONVICTIONS OR MORAL COMPASS. Catch me that time, hermano?”
Ernesto was upon him in an instant, the eleven-year-old snarling as he grabbed Scott’s collar and reared back to strike. He hesitated when the spy simply stared at him in response, Ernesto gritting his teeth and shaking in rage as Scott silently dared his fellow preteen to follow through.
“Dude.” Jackson quietly said as he drew up behind Ernesto. “You know you’ll get an age penalty if you hit him. Just walk away, bro.”
The Latino boy held Scott up for another moment before roughly releasing his collar, the two continuing to kill with their eyes as they frostily stared each other down.
“You just made the biggest mistake of your life.” Ernesto sneered. “Catch you later, kid.”
With that, he and Jackson headed off to the other side of the backyard, snickering and throwing defiant smirks over their shoulders as they departed. Scott ran a nervous hand through his auburn curls as he cursed under his breath, proud of how he stood up to Ernesto while at the same time chiding himself for having made even more of an enemy out of the crafty contestant. For the moment, however, Scott could focus only on finding out if he and Kai had been successful in their gambit – to say nothing of checking on his tiny crush in the aftermath of what was surely an indescribably embarrassing moment for him.
The anxious ten-year-old forced himself to wait a couple more minutes to allay any remaining suspicion before slipping inside, Ernesto and Jackson too caught up in banging around the playground to notice his disappearance. As Scott moved through the first floor and strode up the stairs, he attempted the casual cadence of a boy who’d gotten bored of waiting for the return of his friend and their caretaker – who wandered inside to see what was keeping them. It wasn’t until he reached the landing of the second floor that he allowed himself the barest glance upward – allowed himself the tiniest smile upon seeing the panel in the ceiling halfway open. Though the inky black of the gap offered no clues as to what lie in wait above, its mere presence (and the fact that it was big enough for, say, a small child to slip through) was enough to give Scott hope.
Eager to let Kai know, he headed for their room only to find it empty. Scott was stumped for a moment before he heard two voices – one deep and manly, one very much not – echoing from behind the closed door to the attached bathroom. Moving quietly, Scott stepped up to the door, found it unlocked, and gently pushed it open.
“There’s no rush, buddy. Take your time.”
“B-but…but…”
What Kai was enduring was worse than Scott could’ve imagined. The three-year-old had been sat completely naked on a plastic training potty set in the middle of the tiling, the infantile throne bright yellow and shaped like a smiling duck. Kai’s pudgy hands gripped the handles jutting from the neck of the mallard as though the tiny toilet were some sort of ride; his chubby tummy spilled just so over the splash guard, which spread Kai’s wobbly thighs apart and mercifully hid his itty-bitty peepee from sight. Though the emasculated, whimpering agent looked like he’d rather be in anywhere else in the world, Ryan need only hold his big hand gently against Kai’s back to keep the toddler’s soft round tush squished adorably against the cool glossy seat. Scott had barely been inside a moment when Kai’s eyes met his, the ten-year-old’s heart breaking when his partner – no doubt mortified at being seen in such a state – looked ready to cry the instant he took notice of the bigger boy.
“Oh, hey Scott.” Ryan chuckled at Scott’s pale, horrified expression. “Sorry to hog the bathroom, I’m just helping Kai here do his business. We could be a little while longer, so you may wanna use the downstairs bathroom instead.”
“Don’t go!” Kai cried as he turned his pleading eyes up to those of his bathroom captor. “I’m done! I wanna get dwessed!”
“Can you sit for a little longer, please? It didn’t really seem like you tried to poopoo.”
“I DON' HAFTA POOPOO!” Kai shouted as he barreled headlong towards a total meltdown. “I already TOLD you that!”
Ryan raised his eyebrows at the sharp, clear bit of backtalk from the overwhelmed man turned toddler, no doubt wondering why his sweet and quiet disposition had changed so suddenly. Scott, noticing this, realized that he had to get Kai out of the situation as quickly as possible – if not to save the last of his pride, then to keep Ryan from catching on to the truth. But how?