This time the gap between the chapters had felt longer. James finally started moving again, his utterly naked body recovering from the numbness. How long had it been since someone had checked out the story? He could have spent nearly half a decade frozen in place and James would be none the wiser as to what had happened in the outside world. Hell, the real world could have been hit by a worldwide pandemic for all he knew, after all he was just an illustration of a naked man trapped inside the pages of a children's picture book when nobody was reading it.
James picked up the strange creature farting through two different holes from beneath him. Nobody would guess this obscene creature used to be a princess. A frog with a stinky asshole on each end... That was one asshole too many for anyone to have, not to mention the inconvenient lack of a head.
"Please, there has to be a way to fix her...!" James pleaded to Johnny, the magical hare with a thick neckbeard and hairy ballsack that acted like a child.
James knew the princess was a work of fiction but he felt like he had to help her, not because this magical world compelled him to act like the main hero (which it did) but because he had just too much heart.
“There’s two different ways to reverse the spell I’ve just miscast on her.” The magical talking hare revealed. “The first one is to search for 3 pieces of mystic quartz in the Kingdom of Gemstonia, defeat the Alpha Troll in the Kingdom of Gigantia, perform the soul purification ritual in the Kingdom of Cleanselandia and my cute little oopsie-curse shall then be dispelled for good!” Johnny jumped with theatrical joy. “...Within the next two to six weeks.” He quickly added under his breath.
That was too much of an epic quest for the young, completely naked and feeble-looking James... How many random kingdoms were inside this made-up world?! James asked if the second option was just as hard.
“Uh... The second way is much quicker. Practically instant, even. But it requires a really steep sacrifice...” Johnny twirled his whiskers and looked away, too horrified to mention it.
James looked with sadness at the frog with two rear ends. He placed it on the ground and it awkwardly crawled on the grass completely blind, hitting its constantly-farting buttocks against every single obstacle that stood in its way. “C’mon, just look at her. The poor princess can’t be stuck like that!”
“Well, if you want me to say it... But my mom warned me it’s rude to tell anyone...” Johnny blushed. He walked towards James and tried to privately whisper something into his ear. James crouched to listen in...
“...You’d have to... you know... ‘eat cabbage’ with her.” The hare brought his paw to his mouth, terrified of having just used such an adult-sounding idiom.
“...That’s all?” James rolled his eyes.
“...Yeah, and my spell will then be dispelled. But don’t feel bad about chickening out, it’s an experience no living thing should ever go through...” Johnny grimaced in disgust.
James puffed up his chest with pride. “Bring it on.”
Johnny shrieked with surprise. “Really?! You sure you don’t prefer fighting against giants?”
“Slaying monsters is overrated. Besides, I think I’ll enjoy this.”
James wasn’t exaggerating, he liked variety in his diet. Johnny's mouth was currently hanging agape. “I can’t believe it... You’d do something like that for the sake of someone else?... Wow... You must be one of the foretold heroes of legend...!”
Motivated by James’ sense of heroism, Johnny was eager to make the necessary preparations for the spell. He took the frog and placed it on top of a tree stump. He took a deep breath. He made a few stretches while humming an epic tune. He rehearsed a few spells, turning a few ugly butterflies into beautiful caterpillars in the process.
The unclothed man wondered what any of that had to do with dispelling curses. “So... Do you have any cabbage ready or...?”
The hare casted a ray of green lightning at the tree stump. When the smoke dissipated, sitting on the stump there was no trace of the previous ugly frog but a beautiful princess in a brand-new royal dress.
Princess Penelope looked at herself with her pocket mirror and was relieved to see her beautiful face intact.
“What happened to me? For a few moments I couldn’t see anything, everything was dark and cold and the taste was so oh-so-awful!”
Johnny made a reverence. “Your Majesty, you were about to suffer a very dishonorable fate, but James the Hero offered his sacrifice. You could say... he 'ate cabbage' with you.”
The princess grimaced. “Ew, that’s a very foul Wildburian idiom. Just say 'switched fates' like everyone else."
James was confused. He could hear the princess and the hare talking, and to his relief the princess sounded like she was fine now. But his vision had gone black. He tried to ask what was going on, but his question went heard like a wet fart.
"Oh, what a noble hero! Sacrificing himself in such a degrading way in order to save me!" Princess Penelope said.
James stood on his rear legs and gesticulated with his front legs awkwardly, trying to communicate like a mime. "(What has happened to me?!)"
"Phew, transferring curses from one to another is such a tiring ordeal!" The hare said, sitting on his bare fluffy butt. He scratched his hairy pubic area, right above his humongous-looking cock. "I'm gonna need to rekindle my magic, if you know what I mean."
The princess blushed. "I know perfectly what you mean, Sir Johnny. But I'd rather not be anywhere close to you when you get your magic back..."
The hare sounded offended. "My spells don't backfire! ...Most of the time..."
James' cheeks were sweaty with anxiety. He tried to touch his face, but he could only find a huge butt wherever he touched. Unable to believe it, he tried to touch his butt, and felt another huge butt wherever he touched. He farted loudly from both ends. "(NOOOOOOOOO!)"
"Still, we should let everyone know how this gallant man paid the ultimate price for the sake of the kingdom." The princess said. "Maybe get him a medal delivered by post and everything."
The hare looked at the double-rear-ended frog where James used to be a minute ago. "Actually, he stated that he'd enjoy this... I think he's getting off from this right now."
"Really? Ugh... That's disgusting!"
James brought his legs to the top of his ass in horror. "(That's not true! I didn't agree to become a buttfrog! You have to believe me!)"
The princess was repugnated by the small, green and smelly so-called 'buttfrog' in front of her. "That explains why he was going nude despite not being a Wildburian, he's a degenerate pervert!"
"(I'm not a-)" Amidst his blind and unintelligible protests, James tripped and landed on his butt...The one which used to be his head, because his actual butt was now gaping his anus very visibly at the princess and the hare.
"He won't get the medal, for sure." The princess stated. "...I can't even tell if he's staring at me or mooning me! That's it, I'm going back home."
The hare couldn't help but burst out laughing. "Hahahaha! You made her mad!" He punched the ground over and over, unable to contain his mad laughter. He then winked at the buttfrog. "You sure are delivering on your promise, because I'm having a blast with you!"
The mute and blind James couldn't believe his bad luck. ("You silly and deceptive hare...!") He tried to say as he stood up on four legs. He had a few words/farts he wanted to tell the trickster hare and thus he hopped into the air, jumping at (what he believed) was the direction the hare's laughter was coming from.