Jesse walked alongside Sam toward the cafeteria, Sam babbling on about some trivial story involving a teacher Jesse couldn’t care less about. His mind wandered, thinking back on how he’d managed to survive half the day pretending to be someone he wasn’t, and how he still had another half to go. Normally, lunch would be a reprieve, a time to relax. But not today. Today, it was just another obstacle. He’d have to sit with his cheer friends and keep up the act, forced to blend in with a table full of boys who weren’t anything like him. What he really wanted was to sit alone, to get a moment of peace and quiet, but that would only raise suspicion. And truthfully, the thought of being left alone with his thoughts was worse.
As they entered the cafeteria, the noise of hundreds of students talking, laughing, and moving about filled the space. Jesse and Sam moved through the lunch line, grabbing trays. Jesse absentmindedly picked up some Asian noodles with vegetables and meat, copying whatever Sam was getting without much thought. His mind was too distracted to care about what he ate. They made their way through the crowded tables, Jesse feeling the weight of his exhaustion grow with each step. Keeping up appearances was draining. All morning, he’d been forcing smiles, making small talk, and pretending to be someone he wasn’t. Now, he had to keep that up through lunch too.
When they reached their usual table, the cheer squad was already there, chatting loudly and laughing. Sam dropped into a seat at the head of the table, diving into the conversation without hesitation. Jesse quietly slid into a seat further down, hoping to disappear into the background for a few moments, using his food as a distraction from the growing emotional storm inside him.
The conversation at the table moved fast, with the boys gossiping about teachers, cheer routines, and classmates. Sam, ever the social butterfly, led the charge, making snarky remarks about girls and complaining about the latest assignment. Jesse nodded along when necessary, inserting the occasional “yeah” or forced laugh to keep up the facade. But his mind wasn’t fully there. Instead, he was glancing around, looking at the familiar faces of the boys he was supposed to be close to—boys with perfect hair, flawless makeup, and stylish clothes. Everything about them screamed confidence, as if they never doubted themselves for a second. Meanwhile, Jesse was crumbling inside, trying desperately to hold it together.
Just as Jesse was beginning to relax, his stomach tightened when he saw Vanessa approaching, tray in hand. His heart skipped a beat. Please don’t sit next to me. Please don’t—
“Hey, Jess.” Vanessa’s voice was soft and friendly as he slid into the seat right next to Jesse, placing his tray down with a casual clatter.
“Hey.” Jesse mumbled, trying to sound casual, but his heart was pounding. He could feel Vanessa’s gaze on him, those warm brown eyes flicking over his face, studying him. Jesse forced himself to focus on his food, but he could sense that Vanessa wasn’t going to let him off the hook easily.
“So, how’s your day been?” Vanessa asked, his voice light but his gaze intense.
Jesse hesitated, his grip tightening on his fork. “It’s been fine.” he muttered, hoping the short answer would end the conversation. But Vanessa wasn’t letting him off that easily.
“You sure?” Vanessa pressed, leaning in a little closer, his tone softening. “I mean, if you need help with anything, you can always ask. I know it must be hard, what you’re going through.”
Jesse’s pulse quickened, his chest tightening as he struggled to keep his composure. He could feel the other boys at the table engrossed in their own conversations, but Vanessa’s concern felt like a spotlight on him. He forced a small nod, trying to seem unfazed. “Yeah, I’m fine, Vanessa. Really.”
Vanessa’s lips curled into a soft smile, but there was still that look in his eyes like he wasn’t convinced. “Good. I'm just worried about you, that’s all.”
Jesse forced a laugh, though it came out more awkward than he intended. “You don’t have to worry. I’m good,” he replied, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. He wished Vanessa would change the subject, but the boy seemed content to watch him, like he was waiting for something to slip, for Jesse to show a crack in his carefully constructed facade.
The conversation flowed around them, and Jesse did his best to keep up, throwing in the occasional laugh or comment. But every time Vanessa leaned in, or glanced his way, Jesse felt his heart race faster. He could feel Vanessa’s presence beside him, a constant reminder that he wasn’t blending in as well as he thought.
And then, without meaning to, Jesse’s eyes drifted down toward Vanessa’s chest. He wasn’t even aware of it at first, his gaze lingering on the low-cut neckline of his shirt that exposed a glimpse of his cleavage. The curves of Vanessa’s breasts peeked out just enough to catch Jesse’s attention. What am I doing? he scolded himself, snapping his eyes back to his plate, heat rising up his neck. He could feel the panic rising, and for a moment, he couldn’t breathe. What’s wrong with me? Why did I—
Vanessa smirked, having caught the glance. He tilted his head slightly, eyes twinkling with amusement. “See something you like?” he teased, his voice playful.
Jesse’s face flushed hot, his mind racing for a response. “Uh, no, I wasn’t— I didn’t mean—” His words fumbled out, barely coherent.
Vanessa laughed softly, leaning in closer until his breath brushed against Jesse’s ear. “Relax, Jess. I’m just messing with you.” He said, his tone light, though the teasing smile lingered on his lips as he leaned back.
Jesse felt like his entire body was burning up. He couldn’t make sense of Vanessa, couldn’t tell if he was being genuinely playful or if he’d seen through Jesse’s facade. The weight of it all—the pretending, the confusion, the scrutiny—was suffocating. Jesse glanced at Sam, who was laughing and joking with the rest of the group, completely oblivious to the tension brewing on the other side of the table.
Vanessa finally turned his attention to one of the other boys, joining in on a conversation about their next cheer routine, but Jesse still felt the weight of his gaze, even when it wasn’t there. Every second of lunch dragged on painfully, each bite of food harder to swallow as his mind spiraled. He forced himself to finish his meal, even as his appetite evaporated. He just needed the lunch period to end, to escape this suffocating situation.
As Jesse sat at the table, the rest of the lunch period crawled forward, his mind racing while everyone around him carried on as normal. His food was nearly gone, and Jesse picked at what remained, trying to keep himself busy. Eventually, Vanessa finished his own meal, wiping his mouth with a napkin before turning to Jesse. “You done?” he asked casually, though there was an undercurrent of something else in his tone.
Jesse looked down at his tray, realizing he’d barely touched his noodles in the last few minutes. “Uh, yeah.” he muttered, nodding as he pushed his tray away.
Vanessa stood up, picking up his tray before nudging Jesse gently with his elbow. “C’mon, let’s return these. I’ll walk with you.”
Jesse hesitated, but he couldn’t exactly refuse without it seeming weird, so he followed Vanessa’s lead, picking up his own tray. They wove through the crowded cafeteria, dodging students and skirting past tables as they made their way toward the tray return. Jesse’s heart pounded in his chest, every step feeling heavier, knowing something was coming. He could feel it in the air, the tension between them.
As they neared the tray return, Vanessa finally broke the silence. “So, how bad is it, really?” His voice was soft but serious, and Jesse could hear the concern creeping back in. “I mean, the memory stuff.”
Jesse swallowed, his throat suddenly dry. He considered lying, coming up with some half-truth that might keep Vanessa off his back, but as he met Vanessa’s eyes, there was something genuine in them. Vanessa wasn’t just poking for gossip, he seemed to actually care.
Vanessa paused at the tray return, waiting for Jesse to answer. “Be honest, Jess. How bad is it?”
Jesse’s hand tightened on the edge of his tray. He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself, but the words still came out shakily. “I… I don’t remember anything. Like, nothing at all. I’ve been trying to act normal, but I don’t know what I’m doing.”
Vanessa’s expression softened, his eyes widening slightly in surprise. “You can’t remember anything? Not even your routines, or your friends?”
Jesse shook his head, feeling the weight of the confession lift off him, though it also made his stomach turn. “Nothing. It’s like I woke up in someone else’s life. I’ve been faking it all day.”
Vanessa took a moment, his face unreadable as he absorbed what Jesse had just admitted. Then, after what felt like an eternity, he gave Jesse a small, reassuring smile. “That explains a lot. I was wondering why you seemed… different.” He turned to return his tray, the clatter of it landing in the bin breaking the silence. When he looked back at Jesse, there was no judgment in his eyes, just understanding. “Why didn’t you tell anyone?”
Jesse let out a nervous laugh. “What was I supposed to say? ‘Hey, I don’t remember anything, but don’t freak out’?”
Vanessa chuckled softly at that, shaking his head. “Yeah, I guess that would’ve been weird.” He glanced around, making sure no one else was within earshot, then leaned in a little closer. “But you don’t have to figure this out alone, you know.”
Jesse lowered his brows, unsure of where Vanessa was going with this. “What do you mean?”
Vanessa’s expression shifted, a knowing smile spreading across his face. “Well, for starters, I can help you with cheer. I know you’ve been faking it all day, but we’ve got practice tomorrow. I don’t want you getting caught off guard again.”
Jesse’s heart sank at the mention of cheer practice. Yesterday had been humiliating enough, stumbling through routines he had no memory of and feeling every eye on him, judging. He wasn’t sure he could handle another day like that. But before he could come up with a response, Vanessa’s grin turned more playful. “There’s no practice today, though, so how about I help you go over some stuff at my place after school?”
Jesse blinked in surprise, caught off guard by the offer. The idea of being alone with Vanessa made him uncomfortable. He quickly tried to think of an excuse. “Uh, I’m not sure if I can—”
Vanessa cut him off smoothly, his tone shifting to something more sincere. “Or we could do it at your place, if that’s easier for you. Look, Jess, you’re still you to me. Even if you don’t feel like yourself right now, that doesn’t change who you are.” Vanessa’s smile softened, his voice growing quieter. “Besides, I’d rather help you out in private than watch you struggle in front of the whole team again tomorrow.”
Jesse bit his lip, conflicted. He wanted to say no, to tell Vanessa that he didn’t need help, but the memory of his disastrous attempt at cheerleading yesterday was still fresh in his mind. Everyone had been so quick to notice his mistakes, to point out how off he seemed. The thought of going through that again, with all those judgmental eyes on him… it made his stomach turn. If he didn’t learn the routines, he’d be outed as a fraud sooner or later. He had no choice but to blend in.
Reluctantly, he let out a sigh. “Okay… yeah. That’d be great. Thanks, Vanessa.”
Vanessa’s playful side returned instantly as he gave Jesse a light nudge with his elbow. “No problem! Don’t worry, we’ll get you back to being the Jess everyone knows in no time.” There was something comforting about the confidence in his voice, like he genuinely believed everything would be okay.
As they walked back toward their table, the cafeteria had started to settle into the usual rhythm before the lunch bell. Students were gathered in small groups, chatting and laughing, some already packing up their trays and preparing to head to class. Walking alongside Vanessa, he felt uncomfortable, his mind racing with everything that had happened so far.