As Jesse and Vanessa made their way back to the cheer table, Jesse’s thoughts swirled in a chaotic blend of relief, confusion, and something deeper. He was grateful to have someone like Vanessa willing to help him navigate this bizarre new reality, someone who didn’t make him feel completely out of place. But there was something about Vanessa specifically that tugged at him, something unsettling. A strange warmth he couldn’t quite put into words. The way Vanessa smiled, the easy way he carried himself, the softness in his voice whenever he spoke to Jesse. That sense of closeness was beginning to stir something Jesse wasn’t ready to confront.
This isn’t right, Jesse thought, trying to squash the feeling as it crept up again. He wasn’t supposed to feel this way around boys. He liked girls—he always had. And yet, every time his eyes drifted toward Vanessa, the tension in his chest twisted into something he didn’t want to acknowledge. A flutter of nerves he was desperate to ignore. He needed a distraction. Something to ground him, something to remind him of who he was.
And that’s when he saw Tyler standing by her lunch table, chatting animatedly with a group of her friends. The sight of her brought a flood of relief and something that felt like determination. Tyler. The girl who, in this world, "Jess" apparently had a thing for. She was a far cry from the kind of girl Jesse used to be attracted to—tough, rugged, her features sharp and masculine, with the beginnings of stubble on her chin. But still, something about her made Jesse want to prove to himself that he hadn’t changed, that he was still the same guy he’d always been. He was still attracted to girls.
“Uh, I'll catch you later." Jesse muttered to Vanessa, not quite meeting his eyes. "I need to talk to Tyler about something."
Vanessa gave him a curious look but nodded. "Sure, Jess. Catch you later, then.”
Jesse made his way over to Tyler, his heart pounding—not with excitement, but with desperation. He had to make this work. He had to feel something. “Tyler, hey!” he called out, sliding into the group with a forced smile, hoping to seem like his usual self.
Tyler turned to him, her expression lighting up the moment she saw him. There was a playful spark in her eyes, the same one from this morning. “Hey, Jess! What’s up?” Her voice was light, friendly, and she seemed genuinely happy to see him.
Jesse tried to relax, forcing himself to lean into the confidence he once had around girls. “Not much, just wanted to say hi.” he said, the words sounding hollow even to him. He tried to focus on Tyler, tried to see her as something more than a reminder of how disoriented he felt in this world. But as he stared at her, at the sharp angles of her face, the masculine lines of her jaw, there was nothing. No spark, no rush of attraction. Just... nothing.
Tyler was talking, her voice warm and welcoming, but Jesse barely registered what she was saying. Instead, his attention shifted to the other girls in the group, one of whom was loudly recounting a story from a recent party. The sound of her laughter, her animated voice, quickly drew Tyler’s attention away from him.
No, I need to stay focused. Jesse thought, desperately. He couldn’t lose his chance to reconnect with the part of himself that felt so far away. Without thinking, he reached out and grabbed Tyler’s arm, leaning against her as if they were already a couple. He hoped it would feel natural, that somehow it would bring back a sense of normalcy. Tyler didn’t seem to mind, glancing down at him with an amused smile as she continued to listen to her friend’s story. The scent of her cologne, the weight of her arm—it should have comforted him. Should have been familiar. But it wasn’t. Not in the way he needed it to be.
As he leaned against her, though, Jesse couldn’t help but notice the other girls. They towered over him, strong and confident, making him feel small and out of place. The football players moved with ease, joking loudly, completely comfortable in their own skin. He’d never felt like this before—like he was on the outside looking in. But as Tyler wrapped her arm around him, pulling him closer, a strange sense of belonging washed over him. He may not have felt the physical attraction he was hoping for, but there was something about this moment, about Tyler’s casual affection, that made him feel wanted. Maybe that would be enough.
The bell rang, signaling the end of lunch, and everyone began to gather their things. Jesse shot Tyler a flirtatious smile, doing his best to fake it. “Catch you later, Ty.”
Tyler grinned back, returning the playful energy with ease. “See you, Jess.”
Jesse walked back to the cheer table to grab his backpack, his mind spinning with conflicting emotions. He hadn’t felt what he wanted to with Tyler, but there was still something there. Something that gave him hope. Maybe he didn’t feel attracted to her physically, but the way she treated him, the way she made him feel secure, it was… enough. At least for now. But as much as he tried to focus on that small victory, he couldn’t shake the thought of Vanessa. The way his presence made Jesse’s heart race. And the fact that it wouldn’t go away no matter how hard he tried scared him more than anything.
Jesse grabbed his bag, slinging it over his shoulder as he tried to push those thoughts down. He still had half the day to get through, and his mind was already a mess. I’m still me. I still like girls. But even as he told himself that, the uncertainty gnawed at him. Then why can’t I stop thinking about Vanessa?
“Hey, Jess!” Sam’s voice cut through the fog of Jesse’s thoughts as he hurried over, falling into step beside him. “How you holding up?”
Jesse forced a small smile, trying to steady his racing mind. “I’m… surviving, I guess,” he muttered, though the uncertainty in his voice was painfully clear. His mind was still tangled up in everything that had happened at lunch—the confusion over Tyler, the unsettling warmth he’d felt with Vanessa, the knot of anxiety that wouldn’t leave him alone. When he glanced at Sam, though, there was none of that. Sam was plain, with soft, almost forgettable features, while Vanessa... well, Vanessa was striking. Gorgeous, even. The contrast was dizzying.
Sam shot him a sideways glance, clearly sensing something was off. He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, the silence between them growing heavy before he finally spoke again. “So… I saw you talking to Vanessa a lot earlier. Look, I… I have to tell you something.” His words tumbled out in a rush, like he’d been holding them back all day. “He kept asking if something was wrong with you. Said you were acting kinda off at practice. I didn’t know what to say, so… I told him about the memory stuff. I’m sorry, Jess.”
Jesse sighed, though he wasn’t surprised. He’d made a mess of practice yesterday, fumbling basic moves, forgetting routines. There was no way someone as sharp as Vanessa wouldn’t have noticed. “It’s fine.” Jesse said, his voice flat with exhaustion. “Vanessa was bound to figure it out sooner or later.”
Sam frowned, his brow furrowing in concern. “Yeah, but I should’ve talked to you first, you know? It’s just… Vanessa was really worried. Like, genuinely worried about you. I thought it’d be better if he knew what was going on.”
Jesse nodded, trying to keep his emotions in check. “I get it, Sam. No harm done.” He hesitated, glancing at the ground before continuing. “Actually… Vanessa offered to help me after school. He said he could go over some of the cheer stuff with me, help me catch up.”
Sam raised an eyebrow, surprised. “Oh, yeah? That’s pretty cool of him. Vanessa doesn’t usually go out of his way like that.” He paused, studying Jesse’s expression. “But you don’t seem all that thrilled about it. What’s up?”
A flicker of panic shot through Jesse’s chest. He couldn’t exactly tell Sam the real reason he didn’t want to be alone with Vanessa—that every time he was near him, something strange stirred inside. Something Jesse didn’t want to confront. “It’s just… I don’t wanna be alone with him.” Jesse admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. The words escaped before he could think them through. “Can you come with us? Please?”
Sam blinked, clearly taken aback. “What’s wrong with being alone with Vanessa? You’ve hung out with him alone, like, a million times before.”
Jesse swallowed hard, his stomach knotting tighter. “I know, but… things feel different now.” His voice strained under the weight of the truth he couldn’t fully explain. “Please, Sam. I need you there. I don’t know if I can do this on my own.”
Sam’s confusion deepened, but he didn’t push. Instead, he frowned thoughtfully, considering it. “I mean, I would, but my parents want me home after school. I’ve been gone since yesterday morning.”
Desperation gripped Jesse. He couldn’t handle the thought of being alone with Vanessa, not with his emotions all over the place. “Come on, can’t you ask them? Please?” His voice cracked with urgency. “Tell them you’re helping me with cheer. Say it’s important. I really need you, Sam.”
Sam looked at him for a long moment, clearly torn. He rubbed the back of his neck again before sighing. “Alright, I’ll try. No promises, though. You know how my parents are.”
Relief washed over Jesse, but it didn’t fully extinguish the anxiety gnawing at him. Sam was his lifeline in all of this—his way to stay grounded. Without him, Jesse wasn’t sure how he’d keep it together. “Thanks, Sam. I owe you one.”
Sam grinned, playfully bumping Jesse’s shoulder. “Don’t sweat it. I’ll text you once I talk to them. Worst case, I’ll have to be home for dinner, but I’ll try to help you out as much as I can.”
They walked in silence for a moment, both of them lost in their own thoughts. The noise of the school hallway buzzed around them, but Jesse’s mind was stuck on what might happen after school. The idea of being alone with Vanessa still sent his heart racing, but for reasons he didn’t want to think too hard about. He still had the rest of the school day to get through, but the weight of everything was pressing down on him, making it hard to focus on anything else.