Jesse dragged himself through the second half of the day, keeping up the mask of his new persona. In chemistry, he sat through a monotonous lecture, trying to take notes but finding it impossible to focus. His thoughts were too tangled, constantly replaying the events from lunch. He couldn’t shake the unsettling mix of feelings swirling inside him, especially when it came to Vanessa. Still, something else caught his attention—Anthony. He could feel Anthony’s gaze lingering on him, the same creepy stare from yesterday. It was the kind of attention that sent a chill up his spine, but Jesse wasn’t in the mood to deal with it. He forced himself to ignore it, eyes fixed on the clock, willing the day to end.
When the bell finally rang, Jesse trudged toward the gym. The familiar discomfort settled in his chest as he stepped into the locker room, surrounded by boys who looked more feminine than anything he was used to. Their slender frames, soft features, and styled hair stood out starkly compared to the boys he remembered from his old life. As he changed into his gym clothes, he had to keep reminding himself not to stare. It felt wrong, somehow, and yet he couldn’t help the curiosity gnawing at him. I’m not attracted to boys, he told himself, repeating it like a mantra. I like girls. Always have, always will.
But that resolve felt fragile. Especially here, in this world where everything seemed to challenge what he thought he knew about himself.
Unlike yesterday, Jesse hurried out of the locker room as soon as he was dressed, not wanting to linger a second longer than necessary. As he stepped into the gym, he could feel the stares following him. The same predatory looks he’d noticed all day long from the girls in this world. It made his skin crawl, but at the same time, there was an odd sort of comfort in it. In his old life, girls rarely paid him this much attention. Now, they looked at him like he was something special, like they wanted him. At least this proves something, he thought bitterly. Girls want me, so I must still like girls, right?
Still feeling uneasy from the stares, Jesse scanned the gym, looking for someone familiar. His eyes landed on Nate, one of the girls from his handball team yesterday. She was tall and athletic, with a no-nonsense air about her that suggested she was probably popular. If she was popular, maybe “Jess” and her were close. Figuring it was worth a shot, Jesse approached her, putting on his best fake smile.
“Hey, Nate!” he greeted, trying to sound casual.
Nate barely glanced at him before responding, “Hey, Jess.” her attention quickly returning to the conversation she was having with another girl.
Jesse stood there awkwardly, trying to insert himself into their circle. He studied the two girls, noting their sharp, masculine features, the kind of looks that would have been intimidating to him before all this. He tried to summon some sort of attraction to them, but there was nothing. Just that same hollow feeling he’d had when he looked at Tyler. This is what boys here like, he reminded himself. You have to make this work.
Determined not to give up, Jesse leaned in closer to Nate and began tracing invisible shapes on her back with his fingers, something he remembered girls doing to flirt in his old world. Nate flinched slightly at the unexpected touch but didn’t seem to mind, continuing her conversation like it was nothing out of the ordinary. Jesse kept going, forcing himself to act like this was normal until Nate finally turned around to face him, a playful look in her eyes.
“What’s up with you today?” Nate teased, raising an eyebrow at him.
Jesse forced another smile, adopting a playful posture, hands clasped in front of him as he tilted his head slightly. “What?” he said in his best imitation of innocence. “I’m just bored.”
“You’re too much, Jess.” Nate said, chuckling as she reached out to ruffle Jesse’s hair, her hand brushing his neatly styled bun.
Jesse’s first instinct was to ignore it, but he quickly remembered he had to play the part. He swatted her hand away, faking a pout. “Hey! This took forever to style.” he protested, tugging lightly at her arm in mock irritation.
Nate just laughed, but before anything else could be said, the sharp sound of the teacher’s whistle cut through the gym, signaling for the class to line up for attendance. Jesse took his spot in line, the same one he’d been in yesterday, squeezed between Patrick and Matthew. Patrick, with her greasy hair and slouching posture, looked just as unappealing as she had before. Jesse glanced at her, but there was nothing to work with. He sighed inwardly and shifted his focus to Matthew.
“Ugh, I hope we don’t have to run today.” Jesse complained, his voice taking on a whiny tone as he tried to spark some kind of conversation with Matthew.
Matthew shot him a teasing grin, her dark eyes glittering with amusement. “Come on, Jess. We run every day. You should know that by now.”
“Hey, let me dream, will ya?” Jesse shot back, leaning his head against Matthew’s arm, testing the waters. He half-expected her to shove him off, but instead, she just let him stay there, smiling down at him like it was the most natural thing in the world.
It felt strange to Jesse—this casual intimacy. In his old life, he would’ve been too self-conscious to try something like this. Leaning on a girl like this would have embarrassed him back then. But here, in this world, things were different. Girls didn’t seem to mind when he invaded their personal space. In fact, they welcomed it. It was as if all the usual boundaries had shifted, leaving Jesse constantly off balance. This isn’t normal, he thought. But it’s what I have to do.
He stayed leaning against Matthew as the teacher called attendance, trying to convince himself that he could adapt to this. That he could keep pretending. But deep down, he knew he was still struggling to make sense of it all—of this new reality, of himself, and of the confusing, unwanted feelings he had for Vanessa.
Gym class was as grueling as ever for Jesse. The 400-meter run left him winded, his legs burning from the effort. He tried to push through, but his body felt foreign to him in a way that had nothing to do with the workout. Every movement felt awkward, like he didn’t quite fit inside his own skin. He had to remind himself to keep up appearances, to stay in character, but the constant strain was wearing on him. After the run, the class shifted into another round of handball. Jesse moved mechanically through the motions, doing his best to avoid attention. But all the while, he felt eyes on him—girls watching him, just like they had all day. That predatory gaze. He should’ve been used to it by now, but it still sent a shiver down his spine.
When gym was finally over, Jesse hurried to the locker room, dreading the few minutes he had to spend changing. The room was filled with the chatter of boys, their voices high and carefree. Jesse kept his head down, focusing on changing as quickly as possible. The feminine clothes, the delicate hands moving around him—it was all so disorienting. He had to fight the urge to stare, forcing himself to act like everything was normal.
He grabbed his bag and bolted out of the locker room, relieved to be away from the suffocating atmosphere. Study hall was his next stop, and as he entered the room, he spotted Sam sitting at a table, already working on homework. Jesse made a beeline for him, eager for a distraction from the chaos swirling in his head.
“Hey!” Jesse greeted as he slid into the seat across from Sam. “So, what did your parents say?”
Sam looked up, a bit distracted. “Huh? Oh, they want me home after school.”
Jesse’s heart sank. He let out a long, defeated sigh, the weight of the day pressing down even harder. He had been counting on Sam to be there, to buffer the tension he felt about being alone with Vanessa. Now, it was all on him.
“Come on, it won’t be so bad.” Sam said, giving him a curious look. “What’s with you all of a sudden? Vanessa’s your friend.”
Jesse opened his mouth to respond but quickly shut it again. How could he explain the weird, uncomfortable feelings that Vanessa stirred inside him without sounding crazy? Vanessa had always been "Jess'" friend, someone he apparently trusted. But everything felt off, and Jesse couldn’t shake the strange pull he felt whenever they were together. “It’s just…” he started, trying to find the words. But there was nothing he could say that would make sense. “…nothing. I’ll get through this.”
Sam didn’t push further, though he seemed concerned. “Text me how it goes, alright?”
“Yeah, yeah.” Jesse muttered, already pulling out some of the homework he had been neglecting. He needed something to focus on, anything to keep his mind from spiraling into more confusion.
The rest of study hall passed in a blur. Jesse tried to work, but his thoughts kept drifting to the inevitable. After last period, when the final bell rang, signaling the end of the school day, Jesse’s stomach was in knots. He packed up his things slowly, hoping to delay the moment he had been dreading. But no matter how much he dragged his feet, it came anyway.
At his locker, as he fumbled with his books, Vanessa appeared beside him, all smiles and energy.
“Hey, Jess!” Vanessa greeted, his voice as cheerful as ever. “You ready?”