This year's Boo Haw Haw was less Halloween-themed than usual. Mainly because it was an election year, Animalia thought it might be fun to have something political. Such as a fight between national animals. Samantha Bea the bald eagle was an easy choice as she was already in the UFC-A. Her opponent is a woman who recently immigrated from Russian who had became a brown bear. This was mostly meant to be a playful jab on stereotypes, but after the results of the election, things became a bit more politically-tainted. It was hard to say how much the Russian government interfered in the election as opposed to people actually voting for the former president willingly. But anti-Russian sentiments were beginning to flare up again so this brawl was going to have to be done a little more staged than the usual UFC-A match.
It seems to be an unwritten rule these that only villainesses show off their cleavage in the last few years. That seemed to be inverted her for the fighters here. Sam's leotard had a deep neckline that showed off quite a bit of her feathery boobs. The she-bear's leotard completely covered her torso, though it was tight enough to show the thick muscles as well as her considerable curves. Both women's outfits were obviously patterned after their respective nations' flags, but the she-bear took it a bit further by also wearing a mask that had lenses over the eyes and kept her muzzle covered.
The she-bear was clearly meant to be the heel in this match and playing it up. "You vill be ground under ze heel of Mother Russia!" she boasted, "Your country has become veak and easily-svayed like sheep!" This earned quite a bit of boos from the crowd.
"Our democracy may be flawed, but at least we don't pretend to have one," countered Sam, "And we have systems to keep it from becoming autocratic."
"Da, that relies on your veak, gullible masses," sneered the she-bear.
"I'll show you weak!" snapped Sam.
A real fight would have been rather one-sided. Just looking at their natural counterparts, it was obvious the bear would win if it got its claws on the eagle. And the she-bear was quite a bit more massive in height and muscles than Sam. Not to mention Sam's hollow bones were easier to break. So Sam's strategy was clearly strike and retreat rather than remain in grappling distance. There was little doubt the she-bear's hug would crush her. Boxing fans would recognize this as similar to the legendary 'rope a dope' strategy. The bear ended up chasing the eagle around the arena. Sam never fully took to the air, but she made very high leaps to keep out of her opponent's grip. It was quite likely that the she-bear's exhaustion wasn't completely staged by the end of the match. Eventually, Sam made one last blow that made the she-bear topple over.
As the crowd cheered, Sam told the she-bear, "Like your country, your body may be strong, but it's of little use without a good head on it. The strength of a country should be in its people, not its leaders."
The she-bear huffed and said, "Perhaps it is time for change. But only if people are villing to admit they made bad choices and vant to correct them." She soon lumbered out of the ring. The Boo Haw Haw of 2024 was a bit more theatrical than UFC-A's proper wrestling, but it did give the crowd what they wanted. Except for one unanswered question: who was that masked bear?