Thursday blurred by in what had become his new routine—each day still unfamiliar yet creeping toward something almost recognizable as normal. Jesse was adapting, day by day, to life as "Jess." He managed to settle into conversations with his friends, kept up with gossip, and, somehow, continued making strides in cheer. He could even nail the routines without stumbling now, though the idea of performing in front of the entire school still filled him with dread. By the time Friday arrived, his nerves were on edge.
Waking up Friday morning, Jesse felt the weight of the day settle on him. It was game day, and while Fridays used to mean pulling on his football jersey and feeling the easy comfort of a pair of jeans, that wasn’t his reality anymore. Now he had a cheerleading uniform to put on, an outfit he’d been trying to avoid even thinking about. How would everyone look at him? Would they judge him? He knew logically that “Jess” in a cheerleading uniform was a normal sight. But knowing that and feeling it were two very different things.
With a shaky breath, he went through the motions. He pulled on a black thong and matching sports bra, feeling a strange mix of embarrassment and frustration as they clung tightly to his skin. Next, he slipped on the black spandex shorts, feeling each tight inch as he pulled them up, followed by the red-and-white cheer top and the matching skirt. The fabric seemed to cling to every part of him, snug yet flowing, and he tried to ignore the embarrassment prickling at his skin. It was tight, uncomfortable, and so unlike anything he’d ever worn before, but he took a breath and pushed through, reminding himself he had no choice.
Soon, Sam showed up to pick him up for school, wearing the same red-and-white uniform with a confidence that made Jesse feel a bit steadier. Sam greeted him warmly, barely noticing his unease as he dove right in to help him with his makeup. He applied foundation, expertly blending it across his face, followed by mascara and eyeliner that he applied with swift, practiced hands. The final touch was a bright red lipstick, a tradition for all the cheerleaders on game days, which left his lips looking bold and striking. Once he was done, he helped him pull his hair back into a ponytail, securing it with a red bow that matched their uniforms.
When he looked in the mirror, Jesse felt a rush of discomfort and vulnerability hit him. He hardly recognized the person staring back: this polished version of himself in a cheer uniform, with bright red lips and the ponytail swaying with every slight movement. It felt surreal, like he was looking at a stranger, and his throat tightened with the urge to cry. Sensing his distress, Sam reached out and gently placed a hand on his shoulder, reassuring him with a warm smile.
“You look so cute, Jess.” he said softly. “We’re going to slay today.”
Jesse forced a small smile, nodding in an effort to believe his words. As they made their way out the door, he focused on each step, grounding himself with the thought: Just get through today. But even as he reminded himself to take it moment by moment, his chest tightened at the thought of everything ahead.
The car ride was a blur of mundanity, with Sam’s pop playlist blaring from the speakers, the upbeat tunes contrasting starkly with Jesse’s spiraling thoughts. He stared out the window, his mind racing through every possible scenario that could unfold at school, at the game, and at the bonfire afterward. Sam, blissfully unaware of his internal turmoil, hummed along to the music, tapping the steering wheel to the beat.
When they arrived at school, Jesse felt the stares almost immediately. He could tell some were admiring, others curious, and a few just downright uncomfortable. Girls whispered to each other, their eyes trailing him, while some boys gave him quick glances of envy or approval. Jesse kept his head down and made a beeline for his locker, desperately trying to ignore the way his skirt seemed to flutter with every step. The hallway felt like a runway, and every second in the spotlight made him want to vanish.
He reached his locker and quickly busied himself with gathering his books, keeping his head down and trying to block out the stares. The metallic clang of lockers opening and closing echoed around him, but he focused on the rhythm of his breathing, willing himself to calm down.
“Hey, Jess! Ready for the game tonight?”
The familiar voice made him tense up. Jesse turned to see Tyler leaning against the locker beside his, her confident grin firmly in place. She was dressed in her red-and-white football jersey, the bold number emblazoned across the chest, with the sleeves rolled up to show her toned arms.
Jesse couldn’t help but feel envious. Back in his old world, he would have been the one wearing that jersey. It would have been his name stitched onto the back, his confidence filling the halls. Now, he was standing here in a skirt and bright lipstick, trying to navigate a world that felt like a twisted mirror of his old life.
“Yeah, I guess.” Jesse replied softly, avoiding her eyes as he pulled a book from his locker. He focused on the cover, anything to distract himself from the reality of their interaction.
“You’ll kill it.” Tyler said with a genuine smile. “I mean, you always do.”
Jesse bit back a laugh, the irony almost too much. If only Tyler knew how much of a fraud he felt like. “Thanks.” he muttered, his voice barely audible.
Tyler didn’t seem to notice his discomfort, her gaze lingering on him as if she were trying to read his thoughts. Then, leaning in slightly, she added with a teasing inflection, “And don’t forget the bonfire after. My parents won’t be home.”
“Oh.” Jesse said, pausing as the implications of her words hit him. “That’s… good.” He glanced up at her and caught the flirtatious smirk on her lips. His stomach twisted. She clearly had expectations for how the night would end. Jesse’s mind spiraled, jumping to worst-case scenarios. Would she expect him to make out with her? Or…worse? The very idea made him want to bolt.
“Uh.” he stammered, struggling to rid himself of the intrusive thoughts invading his mind. “Yeah, that sounds… I mean…” He could feel the heat rising to his face as he floundered. “Sorry, I’m just… tired. We’ve been practicing new cheer routines all week, and my mind’s been, uh, totally focused on that.”
Tyler laughed, a warm, easy sound that only added to Jesse’s unease. “No worries.” she said, her voice soothing. Then, to his shock, she reached out and ran a finger gently along his cheek. “You can unwind after the game.”
Jesse froze, his heart pounding as he fought the instinct to pull away. “Yeah…” he muttered, the word barely escaping his lips.
After grabbing the rest of his belongings, Jesse allowed Tyler to walk him to his first class. She dominated the conversation, her tone light and playful, while he struggled to keep up with polite responses. The weight of the day loomed over him as they reached his classroom. Tyler gave him a wink before heading off, leaving Jesse to face the rest of the day alone.
The hours crawled by in a haze. Every moment brought him closer to the football game and the dreaded performance under the stadium lights. What if he slipped up? What if everyone saw through his act? Inside, he was a storm of anxiety. The thought of cheering at the game made his stomach churn. And then there was the bonfire, an event he couldn’t even begin to prepare for. Tyler’s cryptic flirtation from earlier lingered in his mind, and he felt his chest tighten every time he thought about what she might expect from him.
By the end of the school day, Jesse was emotionally exhausted, barely holding himself together. He sat in the cheer room with the rest of the squad, nervously adjusting his uniform as they prepared to head to the game. The buzz of excitement among the other cheerleaders only added to his apprehension. Just get through this, he told himself again. But deep down, he wasn’t sure how much more he could take.