"Secret"
By Justin F – soulstrong.net
Part I Written 6/14/06
He had gasped and I hadn’t thought much of it. I thought it was strange, but I didn’t piece any of it together. I was sitting right by him, and I hadn’t even recognized any change in his demeanor. Travis had stood up, as if he wasn’t even aware of his breath, and looked directly at me as he then turned and walked out of the cafeteria. I watched as he proceeded to the main exit and walked away.
I’m not quite sure why I hadn’t found it peculiar. It was only later when I was entering my dorm hall and noticed a friend of mine looking up at a map. Ben, was his name…and he lived at my hall. I couldn’t understand why he’d need a map if he lived here, and it was only after talking to him did I realize what had happened.
“Ben—hey” I announced, readjusting my backpack’s strap as I approached him. He turned to me, and I knew instantly something was wrong. Instead of his beautiful blue eyes, I could only see a dark sea full of mystery and question.
I had known Ben Harvey since the beginning of my freshman year, and as the school year would be over in a few weeks I had become use to seeing him almost every day. He was about my height, around the 6 foot range. He had thick shoulders and a wide frame. Wavy light brown hair that reached his neck or so, and of course his blue eyes I could look into for days.
Ben’s reaction was hesitant as I stood next to him by the elevator. “Charlie” he mouthed out; his voice shaky as if he was just guessing at my name. “You…look lost or something” were the only words I could breathe out. He smiled as he sighed as if I only knew a small part of a larger equation. “If you only knew” he let out as he looked up into my eyes and placed his hands on my shoulders. There was an openness about him…where the charming yet arrogant personality would normally be.
“I…know this will sound odd, but can you get me to my…dorm room?” he asked, only now pulling out a shuffle of keys on a ring, trying to find the right one to work inside the elevator.
Normally any instance to be in such a closed space with Ben would excite me to no end, but for some reason as I nodded and found my key to the elevator, I knew something had changed with him—and it wasn’t just a sudden case of amnesia.
The elevator proceeded upwards slowly as Ben and I looked to each other, trying to search for words. Normally Ben was always very talkative, but the way he stood, the shift of his balance, the placement of his hands on the elevator’s railing, the examination of my body—it wasn’t how he normally acted. The Ben I knew always said something, made a joke, smiled but stated something inclusive or unintentionally excluding.
“Tell me what’s wrong” I stated, feeling the need to be the bigger. He wore a loose green tank top with our college’s name, Jarrett, on it in capital letters. His sneakers were tense as he tried to not trot in place. Ben normally didn’t trot, he normally wasn’t so tense, he normally didn’t jump at the sound of the elevator’s ring once we had reached the tenth floor.
“What room am I again?” he asked as he wisped out of the elevator and into the main corridor leading to the two sections of the dorm hall. I stepped out of the elevator and turned back to him, folding my arms across my chest. Though I wasn’t always able to see Ben a lot, whenever I did I talked to him, said something to him, and made the effort to know how he was. Even if he was acting strange, it wouldn’t change anything.
“It’s that way” I told him as I pointed to my right, seeing him instantly turn as he tripped over his own feet and jogged down the hall.
“Hey” I yelled as I sped after him to follow him. I ran after him and finally caught up to him as he reached a door on his left with ‘Ben’ and his roommate’s names taped onto the door in large balloon letters. He shuffled through his keys, trying each on the door as he glanced up to him.
“Charlie—thanks, okay man? You can go” he alerted as he finally turned the key in the lock and pushed the door in. I watched as he pushed his way in and pushed the door behind him as he searched for the light switch.
“Ben!” I yelped as I launched myself at the door, counteracting him and closing the door in behind me. Keep in mind, Ben was still a big guy, so as happy as I was that I made my way in, it only raised my question as that he didn’t try harder to keep me out.
“What’s up with you?” I asked as he found and pushed the light switch and fell onto the first bed. He covered his face with his hands and stretched, exposing his midsection as he then sat up and looked up at me.
“Fine, you want to know? It’s insane and…” he searched for a word, “paranormal.” He shoved his weight off of the bed and stood up, looking to the mirror on the nearby dresser and crossed his hands across the shirt, pulling his shirt over his head and throwing it onto the bed.
I studied the room as my eyes found my way to his back; there were awards on the wall—awards with his name on them…on top of the other bed. I knew I’d be stepping into something I never knew could ever happen…I could only guess.
The vibration of the two large light panels tinged.
“Yes…” I responded, then without knowing why I added “I’ll be here for you.”
Was it…some effort to perhaps finally get him to be interested in me? I watched as he turned to me, giving me a complete view of his toned chest and body.
“You know who Travis Hunter is?” he asked, turning back to the mirror as his hands traced his body. “Yeah…he’s in one of my classes” I responded, but I’m sure he already knew that. He looked up to me through the mirror as he slowly pulled the waist of his pants downwards.
“Did you know…he has a crush on you?” he whispered, turning back to me.
“No” I responded, watching him as he moved. Why was he asking these questions—how did any of that have anything to due with how he was acting?
“Do you like him? Think he’s attractive?” he asked, completely turning to me as he waited for my answer.
“Yeah…sure…” I replied, flashing back to my watching him earlier in the cafeteria.
My eyes refocused back to Ben, noticing a change in his demeanor.
“I’m him” he followed, quickly leaning back onto the bed and looking directly at me.
Somehow…I didn’t question what he had said…yet I could tell he saw the question in my eyes. But I had to ask nonetheless.
“What?”
“Ben…did this to me…to himself. Now he’s walking around campus as me…and I’m him.”