"Secret"
By Justin F - soulstrong.net
Part II Written 7/4/06
"'If I tell you a secret, can you keep it?' Ben asked me. The boy I hardly knew that was in two of my classes was leaning directly in front of me, and wanted to tell me something private. …He flirted with me, we joked around some…we both had some free time in our schedules…and before I knew it…suddenly I wasn't in the cafeteria anymore. I…was hoping to find him here since he wasn't at my place…but no luck."
His words made sense to me…but the idea just seemed so surreal to me…yet…I knew he was telling the truth.
"So I'll tell you a secret Charlie. I've had a crush on you since the beginning of the school year…and since I don't know how to reclaim my life…I thought I'd let you know since I have nothing left to lose."
He still lay on the bed, Ben's eyes still looked up at me, but I knew that the gorgeous guy who I found attractive wasn't in there…
But now that I thought about it…another gorgeous guy was.
"…Charlie?" he asked me…turning away and looking back at the mirror.
"Yeah…" -I swallowed from sudden nervousness- "…Travis?"
"I wish I had the balls these last months to actually have said something to you…beyond being just friendly and being…that guy over there."
He turned back to me and licked his lips.
"I think you're attractive…do you find Ben attractive?" he whispered.
Ben was a big guy with thick shoulders and tan skin. He had wavy light brown hair; his hands and legs covered with the same light brown hair as well. Who…wouldn't find him attractive?
"Yeah…" I replied back…only then realizing I was whispering too.
"What do you want to do about that?" Travis asked, pushing himself from the bed so he only stood on his knees; his crouch directly in front of my face. I smiled and looked upwards at him as I reluctantly pulled myself upwards and stood on my knees as well. I didn't exactly meet his height, but we were around the 6' range and when I looked at him, I could see Ben's eyes glistening in front of mine.
I laughed slightly…seeing a smile on Ben's face. When I looked up at him, I could tell he was wondering what had caught my smile. "Charlie?" Travis asked. "What's so funny?"
"It's…just that…I'll probably never see that look in Ben's eyes…especially this close. I think he's too much of a jerk at times to…select people."
Travis placed his hands on my hips…generously bringing them up towards my ribcage.
"You'll never be this close to Ben either. So…what do you want to do about that?" he asked as he leaned in and looked directly into my eyes only inches away.
A part of me wanted to be like him…to suddenly be someone else…be able to control their body…change their life…change the technical statistics of whether they've ever kissed another man…ever had sex with another man…ever…had sex. In a way though, I could tell that this wasn't just Travis' way to express his feelings…his courage and lust…but also to get back at Ben…for taking his life away.
I realized what I had to do.
I had to do something…
I had to help Travis find Ben…thus find himself…
And somehow switch them back.
But first I had to lean in and kiss Travis on the lips.
And surprisingly enough…Ben's lips were as moist as I expected them to be…and his strong arms around my body were as comforting as I've fantasized they would be.
...Now...on to manners of helping out Travis…
…Or helping myself to Travis…and thus Ben…first.