Simon and Pete went off to drink some beers, which of course they weren't supposed to have, but they were college students back from spring break, so oh well.
Jeff meanwhile looked at the Chronivac, doing a scan on Pete...
SUBJECT: PETE
HEIGHT: 6'2"
WEIGHT: 156
MUSCLE MASS INDEX; 7
BODY HAIR INDEX: 1
PENIS LENGTH (ERECT): 8.7"
Well that was surprising. Jeff had never expected that Pete was that hung.
Of course, if he was going to change things, he was going to want Pete to not realize what had changed. Which meant that he was going to have to do something with Pete's mind as well. He noticed a small icon in the shape of a brain blinking in the corner and clicked on it.
SUBJECT: PETE
SEXUAL ORIENTATION: BISEXUAL (CLOSETED)
CURRENT FETISHES: MALE BODY HAIR, HUGE BREASTS, MOTORCYCLES, SCOOTER (JEFF)
BODY IMAGE: NEGATIVE
What the hell? When Pete was calling him 'Scooter,' he was thinking about motorcycles?
Of course, given that Pete had such a body hair fetish, it wasn't that surprising that he'd suddenly fixated on him. But that could be taken care of.
Jeff went with the belt and suspenders approach, taking the slider bar and changing Pete from bisexual to almost completely heterosexual, then typed in "Pete" over "Jeff" in the personal fetish bar. He then made the body image positive, then switched back to the previous screen and added new variables:
SUBJECT: PETE
HEIGHT: 7'9"
WEIGHT: 456
MUSCLE MASS INDEX; 27
BODY HAIR INDEX: 30
PENIS LENGTH (ERECT): 28.7"
Jeff then popped up one more window for Pete and again changed his body hair index to 30. He set a transformation time of 1 minute to completion. He then popped up a direct command prompt window and typed in APPLY ALL CHANGES.
The Chronivac whirred slowly, and then a message popped up on the screen:
WARNING! SYSTEM RESOURCES EXTREMELY LOW. CONTINUE Y/N?
Jeff clicked the Y and then watched as the Chronivac whirred and the little LED light on the top winked and strobed. Nothing much apparent happened at first, but then windows popped up and closed and popped and closed again, and then a message on the screen appeared:
WARNING: CORE DUMP!
This was followed by some unpleasant noises, followed by:
NEW HAIRINESS BENCHMARK ACQUIRED: SIMON
NEW HAIRINESS BENCHMARK ACQUIRED: PETE
Numbers popped and flashed, mixed with whirling icons of Simon and Pete, and then:
WARNING! CANNOT HAVE MORE THAN ONE SIMULTANEOUS BENCHMARK! SYSTEM SHUTTING DOWN!
The Chronivac whirred and popped and then the screen went dead. Jeff waited a moment, and then pressed the button.
The Chronivac slowly came to life, but in place of the usual friendly icons and interactive screens, there was a dead black with a small winking command prompt. Then a message printed out on the screen:
CHRONIVAC HAS HAD FATAL ERROR. PLEASE USE THIS SPECIAL DIAGNOSTIC MODE TO DIAGNOSE ERROR THEN CALL TECHNICAL SUPPORT, AT 1-555-KRONIVAC. ENTER SIMPLE COMMANDS AND DOCUMENT ERRORS.
Jeff looked at it, then tried to be as simple as he could:
MAKE ME LESS HAIRY
The Chronivac whirred, then printed a reply:
ERROR: SUBJECT JEFF HAIRINESS BENCHMARK BACKUP. CANNOT OVERWRITE.
Jeff looked at the Chronivac, alarmed, then heard a voice yell behind him, "Dude! What the fuck did you do to us?"
Jeff turned around and saw Chewbacca ducking in through the door, followed by an even bigger orange sasquatch. It took him a moment to realize it was Simon and Pete.
"Uh..." said Jeff.