"Dude," said Jeff. "Maybe we should get back to fixing ourselves? We were just playing around with the little stuff and look at what happened! Imagine what might start happening if we played around with something important?"
Simon paused. "Uh... someone would sue our asses off?"
"Damn straight," said Jeff. "Anyway, this is just a free trial. Don't you think TranDem is already planning on selling stuff anyway?"
Simon thought. "You're right. Maybe we could sue them?"
Jeff shook his head. "I don't think that would work much. Anyone who could make something like this probably has more lawyers than god."
"Well what the fuck are we going to do then?" asked Simon. "You still look like a wookie, and you've set it up so I'm gonna spend the rest of my life doing giant yeti porn!"
Jeff scratched the fur on his arm. "Did you try calling product support?"
"There isn't any!" fumed Simon. "I looked all over their website and there wasn't anything!"
Jeff grinned his hairy smile. "Did you try looking it up and seeing who it was registered to, and if there was a number there?"
Simon thought. No, he hadn't tried that. He went to the website, filled with its glowing endorsements of the Chronivac and the welcome for the initial trial users, as well as lots of lawyerese about how "TranDem Labs takes no responsibilty for accident or harm from use or misuse of this product..." and then finally he checked on the site registration.
Sure enough, there was a phone number, thankfully an 800 number.
Simon punched it in and was greeted a moment later by a friendly, if electronic, female voice: "Welcome to the Trans Dem Labs voice messaging system. TranDem Labs, remaking the present by remaking the past! Please choose from the following options. If you are an investor, please press 1. For a directory of company extensions, please press 2. If you are one of our lucky product testers testing the new Chronivac 2.0 and would like to speak with a customer support representative, please press 3 and hold the line."
Simon pressed three, and after waiting half an hour on hold, listening to tinny sitar music, there was a voice on the other end: "Hello, this is Ranjeep. Thank you for choosing Trans Dem Labs. May I please have your name?"
"Simon," said Simon.
"Just a moment, please. The system is rather slow today." There was a pause, and then Ranjeep said, "I am sorry, I do not find a 'Simon' in our list of product testers. Are you certain you have the right number?"
"Yes," said Simon, "I'm certain I have the right number. The Chronivac was sent to my little brother, Jeff. I'm helping him out with it."
"Just a moment." There was a sound of typing. "Ah yes, Jeff. I have found the records. How may I be of excellent service?"
Simon didn't quite know where to start. "Uh, Jeff ended up turning into a wookie and can't undo it, and he's set me up to become a yeti porn star."
"Yeti porn star?" There was some typing. "This is most unusual. The 'yeti' is still in product development and isn't part of our current 'mythical options' package." There was another pause. "I'm sorry, also, did you say 'wookie'?"
"Yes," said Simon.
"That is not possible," said Ranjeep. "We have not yet done that licensing."
"No," said Simon, "I mean Jeff's gotten really hairy and is stuck like that, and I'm going to get even hairier, and turn into some overhung giant besides."
"Oh!" said Sanjeep in realization. "That is what you meant. Ah yes, I can see that Jeff is currently our hairiness index reference subject."
"How do we fix that?" asked Simon.
"Just a moment. Allow me to take remote control of your emitter. Are you and your brother within ten feet?"
"Yes," said Simon.
"Good," said Ranjeep. "This should just take a moment."
The emitter lit up and then the stats for Jeff appeared on the screen, including the "Hairiness Reference Subject."
There was more typing from Ranjeep. "This is why we do product testing. Ah, I see the trouble. Allow me to first clear the Chronivac's cache. Do not be alarmed."
The Chronivac lit up and then Simon suddenly found himself beginning to grow. His clothing got tighter as his body swelled with muscle, becoming hairier and hairier as his dick grew longer and his stats appeared on the screen. Ranjeep chuckled. "Ah, I see what you meant by 'Yeti Porn Star.'"
Simon was less amused, as this was now his body and he was sitting there in shredded clothes, hairier even than Jeff.
The screen came up with "Hairiness Reference Subject" next to his stats, the box unchecking beside Jeff's.
Ranjeep then asked, "Would you tell me how many other programs you had running when you first used the Chronivac?"
"I dunno," said Simon, amazed at how deep his voice was now. "Jeff had all sorts of things going. I closed them all."
"Ah," said Ranjeep. "Well, that explains it. It appears the model you have contains a chip that was meant only for inhouse testing. We do not want regular users overwriting the benchmarks. I'm very glad you called, however: this explains the problems we've recently been experiencing with our systems. Give me a moment to input the new parameters."
There was some more typing, and then Simon found his body hair decreasing while the same happened with Jeff. Of course, they were still both hairier than anyone should reasonably be, but it was slightly less."
"I've reset the hairiness index to our former human benchmark," explained Ranjeep. "Jeff is now at 30, matching that, while you, Simon, are at 27. The program allows for that index to be exceeded, of course, but only by going into the animal and mythical transformations."
Simon breathed a sigh of relief. "So the Chronivac will work now."
"Not exactly," said Ranjeep. "Since the Chronivac you have there is one of our in-house models, I've taken the precaution of disabling it so we do not have any other such complications."
"So we're stuck like this?" asked Simon, horrified.
"For the time being," said Ranjeep. "I have taken the liberty of setting up Jeff to receive a replacement Chronivac from our new line at the first available opportunity, and if you'll allow me a moment" There was more typing, "Yes, I have been able to requisition one for you as well, Simon. Do you live at the same address as Jeff?"
"Uh, yes," said Simon, "but I'm going back to college in a few days."
"Well then," said Ranjeep, "this will take at least a few days. This is a very limited product testing, but I should be able to send it to you at your college address." He rattled off Simon's actual college address. "Is this correct."
"Uh, yeah," said Simon. "But I'm stuck like this?"
"Please do not think of it as 'stuck,'" said Ranjeep. "Allow yourself time to experience your transformation. I, for example, very much enjoy being a rakshasa and now maintain this as my usual form."
"A who?" asked Simon.
"An Indian tiger demon," explained Ranjeep. "Of course, my hands are on backwards so it took a while to refamiliarize myself with the computer keyboard, but I find I much prefer it to what I was before. Thank you for calling Trans Dem. I will be emailing you a customer support survey. Please take time to fill it out."
"Okay," said Simon, rather shocked, and then the line went dead.
He hung up the phone and turned to Jeff. "We're, uh, stuck like this for a while. They're sending new Chronivacs, but they won't be here immediately."
He stood up and up, taking stock of his new immense body and his even more immense dick. "Oh god, this is just too screwed up..."
"What are we going to say to mom and dad?" asked Jeff.
"Hell," said Simon, "what are we going to say to Suzy? She's supposed to be home this weekend and I'm supposed to be babysitting her, right?"
"Uh," said Jeff, "tell her you got a growth spurt at college."
Simon thought. "Yeah, I guess. That might work with mom and dad too."