Holy smokes, true believers! It's Marvel as you've never it before! What mind-boggling thrills, amazing chills, slippery spills- uh, scratch that last one- will prevail as Marvel's own Stan Lee (who only occasionally writes for DC these days) is made just as insatiably horny as he is greedy in his old age?
Stan walked into the office and his day started like any other.
"Mr. Lee, Larry Flint called," said Stan's secretary The Human Typist (a.k.a. Mrs. Smith).
"Holy cow! That's incredible!" shouted Stan with wild gesticulations.
"Settle down now," continued Mrs. Smith, "Larry wants to know if you would be willing to sell the Spider-Man license for his new line of sex toys. He wants to make some of them look like Spider-Man. The idea is a squishy little bean doll with an orifice you can stick your thing into and-"
"Absolutely!" shouted Stan, "I also want my name embroidered into each one! I want my hands all over this project, if you know what I mean. While we're at it, how's that project going with those guys I sold the X-Men license to?"
"They just sent this," grumbled Mrs. Smith, putting a video tape into the office TV/VCR. A dirty and unkempt Canadian in a tight yellow jumpsuit came on screen.
"Hey, bub. When I wake up with that unfresh feeling, second best don't cut it. That's why I use Charmin brand anus tissue! Charmin. Because even a healing factor can't stop anal leakage."
"Just make sure my name is at the top of the production credits," Stan dismissively remarked. Just then, a knock came on the door. An eight year-old girl entered.
"Hi, Mr. Lee!" bubblingly cooed the little girl, "My mommy said that I could come up here and talk to you, 'cause I'm the biggest Spider-Man fan EVER!" By the polyploid loins of Odin, a fantastic change started to come over Stan. He began to sweat. Blood rushed away from his head to other more important areas. He began to quiver as excited energy poured into his body. With a silent growl, sweet tempered Stan Lee transformed into... uh... hornier Stan Lee!
"Little girl, I don't think you're the VERY biggest Spider-Man fan ever," chided Stan.
"I am too!" shouted the little girl, placing her hands on the hips of her Osh-Kosh brand overalls.
"A real Spider-Man fan would ALWAYS wear Spider-Man underoos," mused Stan, as casually as he could fake.
"Why are you breathing so hard, Mr. Lee?" asked the little girl, "And yes, I am wearing Spider-Man underoos!" Stan swallowed hard. It was all he could do to keep from swooning with giddiness.
Stan spoke tersely through a tight jaw, "You'll have to prove it to me. Now." Before the little girl could respond, Todd McFarlane burst in drenched in blood from head to toe!