You immediately rush out of your room and slam the door shut when you see the mess covering your toilet. Your ass is already coated, and you don't intend to risk further exposure. That done, you rush to your living room and plop your huge donkey butt onto your couch, switching your TV to the local channel.
"...seem to hunt their victims relentlessly. For those of you just joining us, reports are flooding in from across the city of attacks by what can only be described as animal men made of some form of latex rubber. Witnesses claim that the creatures reproduce by absorbing human beings and then coating them, though a few claim to have seen the creatures secreting the latex coating through open orifices such as the mouth." Apparently not just the mouth, you think to yourself as you're reminded of the mass on your rump. "The creatures and their secretions have shown signs of sentient thought, and authorities are urging that all citizens remain in their homes and avoid both at all costs as they seem both willing and able to hunt their victims relentlessly. If you've just joined us..."
Now given slight comfort in the fact that you aren't facing this crisis alone, your thoughts return to your bathroom and the monster waiting inside.