"Oliver," father said sitting on his son's bed, "We need to talk. Your mother and I picked this school for you for a reason. You need to accept the behaviors that you see at the school, and," he paused and looked directly into Oliver's eyes, "You must learn to adapt and adopt them as your own."
"What? You want me to eat bugs, and dig in the dirt like an animal?" Oliver couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"Yes, son. Your mother and I are convinced that global warming will make the world uninhabitable for humans. It's too late for us, but you're still going through puberty," he answered.
"Huh? That doesn't make sense," Oliver replied.
"Your at an age where your DNA can be modified - rewritten if you like -from human into an animal. An animal which will survive the storms, floods, and upset created by global warming."
"What are you talking about?"
"Those innoculations you got before starting school," his father smiled and winked, "They were retroviruses designed to rewrite your DNA. So instead of sprouting whiskers on your chin - well, you may still sprout whiskers but not that kind. I mean there are several possible life forms you may evolve into, and it really depends on how your DNA interacts with the retroviruses. So we're not sure if you'll end up a mammal, fish, reptile, or amphibian," he paused, "Or maybe bird, right dear?" he called toward the hallway.
His mother had been listening outside, and she stepped in, "Yes, dear. Oliver, we did this for you. Your father and I know best."
Oliver's eyes are welling up with tears. His own parents devolved him, and they don't even know into what!"