You type "Arctos" into your search engine, and groan when you see "Over 590,000 results."
Adding "bear" to the search parameters helps, but you still have to deal with the fact that
Ursus Arctos is the scientific name for grizzly bears. Finally, you type "Arctos," "bear" and
"clothing."
That did it. Second link on the list, right under a Wikipedia article about bear hunting, is
to "Arctos Bear Outfitters," with a website at abo.com.
You click on the link, and are forwarded to an Entrance page. A Flash movie loads, and
you watch a slideshow of hairy large male models posing in front of you. The first is
wearing a shirt with the now-familiar Arctos logo stretched across it. Next is a guy in a
very familiar-looking black jock. You reach down into your pants to scratch your ass, and
then move your hand to the front to adjust yourself, your eyes never leaving the shifting
panorama of hot bears in front of you. You are mesmerized by these hairy gods parading
across your screen...
You come back to yourself some time later, still sitting in front of your computer. You
glance at the clock on your menubar -- you've been sitting here for two hours! The
clock's not the only part of your screen that's changed, though. The slideshow is gone,
and now the screen reads:
************
Thank you for your order! Your items are being packed now! Because of your geographic
location, we are able to provide free same-day delivery.
************
Scrolling further down, you gape in astonishment at the items listed on your order!
Apparently, while you were zoned out, hypnotized, whatever... you did your best to buy
one of every item Arctos supplies, in sizes even larger than what you're wearing now! Your
eyes flicker down the list, taking in "black combat boots," "10 XXL Black jocks, assorted
color stripes," "5 XXXL wifebeaters, white," "leather bike cap," and many other items.
What's happening to you? You look away from the screen, and finally something else
breaks through your trance-dulled senses -- an odor. Looking down on the desk, you see
the bottle of cologne, now emptied of its musk.