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The Ointment Store

Huff and Puff? Not likely.

added 15 years ago A BM S O

The woman is awoken by a sharp rapping on her front door.

"Hmn?" she grunts, and pushes herself up out of the tub. "Coming!"

She snags a towel and wraps it around her waist, not quite noticing that it barely covers herself at all and starts trotting to the door. It knocks again. "Hold your horses, I'm coming!"

***

The Big Bad Wolf had been feeling down all day. First there was the experience with the little girl in the red hood and that overeager woodsman who damn near killed him, and then those three pigs and their damn houses. He was not having a good week. So when he saw a brand new pig house in the woods, he felt that his luck had finally changed. He sniffed the air deeply, taking in the pleasing pork scents. His mouth watered. This was it, he decided. If he couldn't get this fourth little piggy, he'd go vegetarian and that was that. He walked up to the front door and knocked sharply...

***

"Yeah, who is it?" the woman asks, carefully drying her ears.

"Little piggy, little piggy, won't you please let me in?" she hears a voice outside.

"What did you just call me?!?" she squeals, offended that a complete stranger would call her a pig.

"Um, you ARE a pig, aren't you? Dammit, do I have the wrong address?"

"That's absurd, I'm not a... A..." and that's when she saw it - she glanced into the mirror next to her front door and squealed. It was a long, high-pitched squeal that would have been a scream had she been human still.

"Look, you very clearly are a pig, so can you please let me in? I'm... Uh, here to talk to you about life insurance."

"I can't be a pig, I can't..." she murmurs, trotting over to the mirror and feeling her face. "Oh, God... The candle..."

"Lady, are you even hearing me? I said I'm here to sell you insurance, and..."

"Nononononono... Not a pig, not a pig..."

***

This was getting frustrating, the wolf had decided. Either he had a pig in denial on his hands or another damn human from the otherworld who didn't read the fine print on the magical product. He was from her world once, and had willingly left it behind for this one.

His stomach growls at him, as if to say "hey buddy! I'm starvin' here! Just bust in there and eat the damn sow!" but part of him feels responsible, like he's the only one who can help this new pig get acquainted with her new life. It's not like there's any going back.

But is his rational side or his stomach going to win out?


But is his rational side or his stomach going to win out?


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