He just can't help it. He's so very hungry and she smells so good... his mouth waters just thinking about the meal he can make out of this pig.
"Fine!" he barks. "Then I'll huff, and I'll puff, and..."
"You'll do no such t'ing, ya mook," a voice sounds out from behind him.
***
The former woman is still in shock from what she is now. She takes a sharp gasp of breath and the towel that was so tenuously hanging on her body drops to the floor. She looks down at her body and it makes it all worse. She's short and fat, like a true humanoid pig. "Oh, no... oh no oh no... this can't be happening..."
She turns her head as best as she can to examine her backside - of what little she can see, she's disgusted. She's got massive hamhocks for buttocks, and she can see the slightest hint of a tail protruding just above them.
***
"Aw, hell." The wolf lifts his hands and turns around slowly, taking a dejected sigh. Facing him are three little pigs in expensive black suits, with dark hair atop their heads slicked straight back. They each are leveling tommy guns at him.
"I thought I told youse t' get outta my neighborhood, Wolf. What is you, hard of hearin' or somethin'?" the lead pig, who steps forward as he takes off his shades and slips a cigarette from his shirt pocket says.
"N-n-no sir, I was packing, I swear, I just got hungry, and..."
"Look - you don't got no time t' pack, ya hear me? You just get yer sorry ass outta my woods and thank yer lucky fuckin' stars that I don't just mow youse down right here and now. In fact, the only t'ing keepin' me from turnin' you into a red smear on the doorstep here is that I don't like to ruin a lady's house. Now scram! An' if I ever sees you in this neck a' da woods again, you, my hairy friend, will be sleepin' wit' da mermaids before lunchtime. Capice?" He slips the cigarette between his lips and lights it with a wooden match.
"I-I... I understand, sir. Sorry, sir." Whimpering, dejected, The Big Bad Wolf scampers away with his tail tucked between his legs. That's it, he decided. Maybe vegetarianism won't be so bad.
***
"Oh, God..." the pig woman mutters. "What am I gonna do?"
She had been so wrapped up in what had happened to her that she didn't take any notice of the heated exchange between the Three Little Pigs and the Big Bad Wolf.
That's when a knocking on the door snaps her out of it. She clumsily grabs her towel and tucks it around her fat little body. "Um, no, not interested! Please go away!"
"Look, lady," the voice comes from the other side, and it's clearly not who it was before. The voice was more on her height level, more nasal, and significantly more appealing for some reason she couldn't understand. "We ain't dat wolf dat was buggin' you. We chased him off for ya. Youse okay?"
"Um... I... uh..." she stammers. "I'm fine! Uh..."
"Yeah, well, you can consider dis a welcome to da neighbahood, ya know? Us pigs, we looks after our own. You can officially considda yaself under da protection a' da Bambino bruddas."
"Is this some kind of a joke?" She asks, starting to get irritated. Was this all some elaborate scheme to make her think she had become a pig? Some virtual reality thing or something?
"I beg ya pardon, lady?" And then, without warning, her front door opens wide, and three pigs in suits are standing there. Two behind the one who had been speaking to her, who takes a drag of his cigarette as he looks her over. "Do I look like I'm jokin'?"
"No, no, it's just..."
"Okay, okay, I get it, I do. Ya new here. Used ta be human, now ya not. M' I right?"
"Uh... uh.... yes, I guess... I dunno, this is all so confusing." She holds her trotter to her forehead and sighs. "All I did was take a bath and light that damn candle I got from that shop and next thing I know I'm a pig and whatever just happened out there happened."
"Well, if I do says so myself, you are one smokin' hot little sow dere, lady. Whaddaya say you go out for a night on the town wit' me, huh? I show youse a good time. Help ya get used to things."