Luke opened his eyes, then sat bolt upright and looked around at the unfamiliar bedroom, huge and full of expensive-looking contemporary furniture. So that all hadn't been a dream last night.
There was no one in bed with him, though. Luke got himself out of bed and found that he was clad in silk boxer shorts -- bizarre, since he only ever wore briefs.
A door on one side of his room led to a bathroom, tastefully decorated in marble and glass block. An assortment of cosmetics and perfumes arranged next to one of the sinks confirmed another portion of his experiences last night. He sighed, and used the toilet for his usual morning pee.
He found a silk robe that appeared to be in a man's style and put it on. He crossed back through the bedroom and out into the hallway.
As he headed down the gently winding staircase, he saw the Christmas tree in the giant living room downstairs, and suddenly realized that his house must have transformed into the location seen in that "Christmas" video, with the blonde Christmas Cantaloupes standing in front of that very tree.
He could smell food coming from somewhere, so he followed his nose, which eventually led him to a swinging door and into the kitchen. Standing over a frying pan at the professional-quality stove was Christmas Cantaloupes, wearing a "Kiss the Cook" apron over a skimpy bra and panties, clear platform heels on her feet. And sitting at the table, cup of coffee in front of her, calmly reading the newspaper, was his mother.
"Well, finally, Mr. Sleepyhead," said Christmas. "I was just about to bring you up some bacon and eggs."
"Uh, Mom?" said Luke, a slight quaver in his voice.
She looked up. "What is it, honey?"
"D-does this all seem normal to you?"
"What do you mean?"
"I-I mean this house," said Luke, "and I guess you know my, uh, girlfriend -- doesn't it seem weird to you that we live in a house like this and I have a girlfriend who looks like that?"
His mother looked over at Christmas, who was facing the stove and had only a tiny strip of fabric between her buttocks. "Everything seems normal to me," said his mother. "What brought this on?"
"I don't know," said Luke. He figured if he tried to explain further, his mother and Christmas would think he was crazy.
"Well, have a seat and eat, and you'll feel better," said Christmas, having put bacon and eggs on a plate.
Luke chowed down. The food was delicious, but sitting there while his mother made light conversation with a porn star was completely strange.
He put down his fork and Christmas said, "Hey, so I'd like to spend some of the gift cards I bought yesterday. I know the mall will be crowded, but I know some of the stores are having big sales. What do you say?"