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The Ointment Store

Some Strange Options

added 20 years ago BM S O

You step into the store. It is very dim and lined, floor to ceiling, with jars filled with multicolored goop. There are labels of some sort on all of them. Great. This wasn't what you were expecting. It's your best friend's (and fraternity brother's) birthday, and you had been looking for something to get him. Little shops in Chinatown often have weird sexual things in them, and you wanted some sort of sex joke because you suspect your friend, Ben, has never slept with a woman. But this shop doesn't look like it contains anything appropriate.

You are about to step out when an old Chinese man comes out from the back room and smiles at you. "You see anything? I give it half price. Grand opening sale." He grins widely.

"Uh, what is this stuff?" you ask. "I'm looking for a present. Maybe you have some, uh, sexual lube or something?" You cast a doubtful eye across the shelves, not even embarrassed to have mentioned sex to such an old man. Who cares? You'll never see him again anyway, and you don't have much time to beat around the bush. You have to meet Ben in ten minutes, and you need something now!

"Anything can be sexual," the old man smiles. "Take your pick. Half price. Very reasonable."

You sigh. As aggressive as you can be, you never were much good at saying no. You grab one at random. "How much is this?" you ask.

"For you? Five dollar."

"Great." You pull out the money. "What is it?" But you aren't paying much attention. You're late.

"I translate the label. It say..."

He says a few words as you grab the jar and burst out of the shop. As you exit the alley, you laugh at what you've heard.


What do you do now?


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