After a shower - which caused more than a little difficulty both in taking your shirt off with the bow in the way and in putting it back on, you feel refreshed and ready to get started on figuring out how to get rid of this collar. But first things first: you've got work today. You'll have to call in sick.
You grab the phone and dial the number, lifting it to your ear and cringing as the rubber bow squeaks when you sit into your chair. The voice on the other end of the line sounds completely unsympathetic (but given that they don't know what's happened to you, that's hardly surprising).
"Hello, how can I help you?" comes the voice of the man on the other end of the line, his every word laced with bored detachment. You do your best to sound as sick as you can.
"I... *cough* I don't think I can come into work today." You shift in your chair, the ribbon squeaking loudly as it rubs on your seat.
"What was that squeaking?"
"Uh... it was nothing... I *cough cough* just feel really really sick." You start to feel the collar tightening around your neck, not choking you but pressing on your vocal chords, and when you speak again the pitch is higher and sillier. "Really sick," you say, hoping he doesn't notice.
You can hear the man groaning, until he eventually lets out a long sigh. "Look, I know you're bullshitting, but I'm not even going to bother. Just bring in a doctor's note tomorrow." Then you hear the familiar click of a phone landing on a receiver. You're home free.
Able to relax, you slouch back into the chair and the ribbon once again loosens its grip on your throat, letting you speak normally. You give it a half-hearted tug, knowing it to be irremovable by sheer force. Is this thing alive? Is it some sort of remote-controlled device? You can't tell. All you know for sure is that keeping it on much longer would probably be a VERY bad idea.