SPLASH!
Cold sticky Gatorade drenches Rod. He spins around to see Carl Neumann
there. He's the team manager - better known as the towel boy. He's
hold the empty Varsity cooler upside down having emptied what was left
on top of Rod's head and shoulders.
Rod licks his lips. He had already swallowed some.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing, towel boy?"
"Making myself a complete set of jock cut outs. I mean you can't have
a Jay posterboy without his complementary Rod posterboy. You two are
always together. And what's that Ben Franklin said about all hanging
together," Carl says shrugging. He tilts up the Thad cut out and peels
off his shirt to show the football pads on his chest beneath. "Frisbee
colorforms and fathead.com all rolled into one, cool."
"What did you just do?"
"Dude, I got here before you and Jay. I heard everything. I'm the guy
who hung out your clean uniforms, so you could suit up and pour
Gatorade all over each other. I watched from behind the bleachers as
you and Jay turned the Varsity team into wall decorations. Then I
Googled about that bottle of stuff I found in your locker."
"You were in my locker?" snapped Rod angrily, "It was locked, how
could you?"
"Duh, I'm towel boy. I've got a recipe box filled with all the index
cards listing the combos to each locker, and I have the master key
that overrides the combos anyway. You're not too smart. How did you
ever manage to come up with a formula to flatten people? Oh, that's
right you didn't, you bought it online at throughthewringer.com. It
was written on the bottle's label. So I read up, did you know that you
posterboys can be reshaped using a wringer to make you like pliable
fabrics. You know towels, sheets, clothing, rugs?"
"For a smart guy, you got difficulty with pronouns and possessive
pronouns," laughed Rod, "You said you instead of your posterboys."
"Uh, duh, who's soaking in Gatorade? Not me, posterboy!"
"Oh, no, but, Carl, I outweigh you by 100 lbs," Rod said standing up
his full height and raising his hand back to pound his fist into his
palm, "So don't even think about it."
Whap! His fits hit his palm.
"I don't need to, I think that was over 50 lbs of force hitting you
right now. The heavyweight jock knocks himself out of the game. The
twerp wins it, and the crowd goes wild! Yay!"
"Wha-"
Clack.
The sound of Rod's stiff two dimensional body hitting the locker room
floor punctuated his partial last word.
"Well, that was easy. I can't wait to redecorate my room. Now which of
you jocks is going to end up my cum towel - first. All of you will get
a chance, after all I'm towel boy. Mwhahahaha! I bet Towelboy would
make a good comic book villain snapping all those jockboy heroes with
rolled up wet towels that used to be other jockboy heroes." His eyes
gleamed as he laughed. He loaded up the laundry bin with the flat
jocks and headed for the laundry room. He peeled off Josh's helmet,
and then the rest of his gear and lowered him to the sudsy washing
machine. Then he ran his soggy body through the wringer. All of Josh's
flat stiff gear followed. Reassembled Josh looked a bit wrinkled, but
he folded up nicely. It took over two hours to wash and wring the
entire Varsity team plus Rod and Jay.
Carl looked at the clock on the wall and grinned. He had finished two
hours earlier than he usually did when he washed up all the uniforms
after practice. He whistled as he thought, Things really do seem to
go faster, when you're doing something you really enjoy."
He loaded the flattened folded uniformed players into laundry bags and
then into the bin and he wheeled it out to Jay's pick up. Jay wasn't
going to need it any more. He reached in his pocket and pulled out
Jay's keys. Carl had already collected all of the players wallets,
watches, iPods and valuables. He wondered if Rod had planned anything
to explain the entire Varsity team's disappearance. He shrugged. It
didn't matter. No one would suspect the towel boy could've taken out
all those jocks and not have even one bruise on his body.
Carl drove home in Jay's pickup loaded with fresh towels for his
private use.