"Now this student was a precocious shifter, we spent years tracking
him down. Unfortunately, he shifted into Chimpanzee-form as a toddler
after being read one of the Curious George books. He spent most of the
time in the Brooklyn Zoo. All those animal scents through us off the
track, it was only sheer luck that we found him, and reminded him how
to shift back. He's spent only 3 years as a human and over ten as an
ape, so it will take a while to indoctrinate him in our cultural
taboos, customs and mores. So if you see him naked - tell him to put
clothes on. Oh, and if he throws feces run. It has transformation
properties. Four of the bankers at Lehman Brothers used to be apes at
the zoo that got into a fight with George. He transformed them with
his magic poo. When we got wind that four apes were involved in
triggering the recession, well we backtracked and discovered George.
How many shapeshifters do you know that could shift at age three and
hold it for over ten years?"
"Uh, ia that him? I thought he'd look more like Tarzan. You know
George of the Jungle?"
"Hi, me am George,not of Jungle. I'm from Zoo! Wanna smell my ass?"
"Oh, man, I -uh don't know what to say," Dripo Malfee stood there with
his blonde hair askew and his blue eyes staring.
"I'll smell yours first if you like?" says George advancing on his
knuckles. He's mostly human but his arms seem unnaturally longer than
normal maybe even the same length as his legs.
Malfee shrugs, "A potential brown-noser like Crappe," he says.
"Now you smell mine," George says doing a handstand and thrusting his
butt right into Malfee's face.
"Ew!"
"Oh, but you must like, Drippo," teases Crappe, who was offended at
being called a brown-noser, even if it's true. "You're sporting major
wood."
George does a flip out of his handstand and lands crotch high to
Malfee. He licks his lips, and asks in perfect English, "Is that a
banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"
George grins leans in and sniffs Malfee's crotch. "Nope not a banana.
You must be happy to see me."
"Ah, well, then that's settled. While you will both probably be in
different houses, due to the roof leaks I'm afraid George you'll have
to bunk with Malfee over in the faculty wing."
"Bunk with me? But there's only one bed in my room!"
"It's a big bed, and it's temporary. Besides Crappe has a room, you
could bunk with him?"
"He's gassy and his gas reeks. That's why our room at Sparks House has
a separate clean room for Crappe to sleep in."
"Well, you could transform into something without a nose? Or maybe he
could transform into something less gassy?"
"We tried both before we got the special ventillator system. I can't
stay noseless long enough to get a good night's sleep, and he actually
smells worse when he farts as other creatures. The dragon fart was
worst. That's why our roof leaks!"
"Well, then George is definitely bunking with you. We can't have
George bunking with Crappe and you're the only one with a big empty
bed."
"It's not empty! I'm using it!"
"Hooray! Malfee and me are bunkees!" said George doing another
backflip, "OOK!" This time when he landed he was all chimp.
Malfee jumped back in -surprise? disgust? shame at his sudden wave of
lust?