... Sheila, my dad's fiancee. She wasn't younger than I was, but that was only by a few years. She'd begun having an affair with my dad when Mom had begun to
show in her pregnancy. I guess I'd find her cute with her little waist, unignorable breasts, buff body, and tan lines, if she hadn't taken my dad away from my mom.
"Hi, Sheila," I said, hoping she could see icicles dripping from my words. "Yes, this is Andrea."
"Well, isn't she just the cutest thing, Joey?" I could never tell when her southern accent was real or emphasized.
"Please call me 'Joe.'"
"I can't do THAT. You're just too cute, yourself to be anything BUT a 'Joey!'"
"My mother calls me 'Joe.'"
"Well, I'm gonna be your mother, too."
"No, you won't."
"But I will be!" she insisted. "And I'm gonna be the momma that calls you 'Joey!' Your dad likes it when I call you that."
"Another problem I have with him," I said.
"Now, don't go blamin' him because he wanted a new young heifer instead of a big ol' cow!"
That did it. Without thinking about it, I wished that Sheila ...
"