"You're Danny, right?" asked the crow clearly in English.
"Oink!" grunted the pig.
"Yes, good. Your sister Kat is a real witch, but you already know
that. What you may not know is that her magic has its limits, and
that because your mother is a witch, you have latent powers too."
"Oink, oink, oink, oink!" grunted Dan rapidly.
"Slower, my pig Latin isn't that good. I got that you didn't know you
had powers too, and no I didn't kill the farm girl. She's as much a
pawn of your sister's as you are, and as she thought I'd be."
"Oink?"
"See your sister has power to control females, and to change males.
If you were a boar, she couldn't have controlled you this way. You do
realize that with your snout, you could have opened the gate to the
pen easily as soon as she penned you up. But because you're a sow you
think you cannot get out. She's ignorant though about some of the
basic sciences. First off, I used to be a guy - Erik Andersen to be
precise."
"Oink?"
"Yeah, the guy who told her he wouldn't date her if she was the last
woman on earth! She caught me drinking a swig of Ol' Crow behind my
pa's shed, and next thing I know my dick's missing and I'm growing
breasts. She turned me into a girl, changing my Y chromosomes to X's.
Then she laughe, took a picture of me shirtless, and turned me into a
crow. What the girl didn't know was that crows- all birds in fact have
switched sex chromosomes. The homozygous pair (XX in human women)
makes males in birds. The heterozygous pair (XY in human men) makes
female birds. So after she turned me into a female human, and made me
pose for her camera, she turned me into a male crow. I was so shocked
I sat there when she told me to stay. Then she told me everything.
She's the classic comic book villain. She told me what she did to
you, and about Jen's bro, and about what she did to your buddy Keith,
and..."
"Oink, oink!"
"Oh, you didn't know about Keith. Well, let me tell my story and then
I'll bring you up to speed about him and the other guys she's
transformed. Anyway she told me about the limit of her powers and how
you were the only one who could break the curses and return me and the
others to normal. And how she had the power to control women's
thoughts. She then told me to forget everything I told her, and I'm
sure that's what she did to you. By the way, she was originally going
to have you turned into bacon, but was worried that your ghost might
break the spell she cast on her mother. You see your ghost would be a
human male and out of her control. She can change your body, but not
your spirit."
"Oink?"
"Hey, farm girl isn't going to stay asleep long, and I doubt she'll
let me perch on her shoulder again. So obey me, and we'll both be
human again," he said flying over to a gate, which Dan didn't recall
being there before. "Now just nudge this lever with your snout."