The waiter arrives to take your orders. You look up at him, about to order the swill, when your girlfriend suddenly says, "I'd like to try the pork!"
"What?" you say, turning back to her. You notice a hungry gleam in her pig eyes as she stares at you, licking her snout.
"Excellent choice, madame," says the waiter, not missing a beat. "We have several options... tenderloin, roast pork, pork chops..."
You frown, not liking where this is going.
Your girlfriend, even though she can't tear her hungry eyes off you, doesn't seem to notice. "I'm not sure!" she says. "I was just thinking my boyfriend here is looking particularly delicious."
"Shall we roast him for you, madame?" the waiter asks, coolly.
"What?!" you cry, letting out something between and oink and a squeal.
Your girlfriend snorts with pleasure, and finally tears her eyes off of you to turn joyfully to the waiter. "Snork---oooooh!" she says, clapping her hooves together. "Could you?"
The waiter motions to the bus boys.
"Hey, what?" you oink, panicked, slamming your hooves on the table. "You're not serious?!"
Your girlfriend just eyes you hungrily again and wiggles her snout.
You're about to stand up and trot away, but suddenly two surprisingly burly busboys are grabbing you from behind.
"Help!" you squeal, oinking and snorting as you panic. "You can't do this to me!"
The commotion has attracted the attention of the other restaurant patrons. The lion and tigress couple at the table across from yours lick their fangs. A pack of wolves at another table pant hungrily as they watch you being dragged back to the kitchens.
"No! Stop! Help!" you oink, flailing with your hooves, but the busboys overpower you.
"It won't hurt, will it?" you hear your girlfriend ask.
"Not too much," replies the waiter.
You squeal in panic as the busboys drag you through the swinging doors to the kitchens, where a chef is waiting with what looks like a stun gun. He holds it right between your eyes and---CRACK!