Caitlyn and Funzo sat in the living room with Alice. They had been talking for about an
hour about what Funzo and Caitlyn could do as clowns. And while there were differences,
there were a lot more similarities. Almost as if they had both been written about by a very
bad amateur author with a clown and fart fetish.
“So how did you become a clown?” Caitlyn asked as she juggled some household objects.
“I really don’t know,” Funzo replied. He too was also juggling as it had a way of relaxing
him. “One day, hyuck, I just started changing.”
“How long did it take?”
“About a week.”
“That’s how long it took me to change!” The 10-year-old clown yelled out excitedly.
“How did you become a clown?”
“My mom rubbed a magic cream into my feet while reading a list and I became a clown
after a week!”
“A magic cream?”
“Yeah! Clown Ointment!”
“And she rubbed it into your feet? That’s weird! My girlfriend gave me a foot massage the
night before I started to change!”
“I’m sorry,” Alice interjected, “But is her name Bridget?”
“Yeah! Yeah her name is Bridget!” Funzo responded.
“Oh my god! Bridget was the name of the girl in front of me who bought the Clown
Ointment before me!” Alice said putting her hands to her mouth in horror.
“What?” Funzo said sitting down, his butt making a whoopee cushion sound. “Bridget did
this to me, and on purpose?” Funzo put his hands to his face and began to cry, seltzer
shooting out from his eyes.
Caitlyn began to rub his back to comfort him. Clown or not she was only ten years old,
and it took her to just now to realize Funzo didn’t want to be a clown like her. “Hey, hey
it’ll be alright. Shhhh. It’ll be alright.” Caitlyn said as comfortingly as possible.
Alice watched her daughter and was quite proud of her at the moment.
“No! You don’t understand! Bridget is the one I’ve been relying on to get me through this,
and now I find out she did this to me on purpose. I don’t know what I’m gonna do! I’m all
alone!”
“No you’re not,” Caitlyn said caringly, “You have us now.”
“Exactly Funzo,” Alice said putting her hand on his shoulder, “You have us.”
Funzo looked up at the smiling Caitlyn and Alice. Funzo began to calm down and tell them
about how Bridget set him up in a cheap motel and handled his money. He explained how
she gave him a stipend to live off each week and worked incessantly.
“Don’t worry. For now on I’ll handle your money, and get you a debit card so you can have
complete access to it,” Alice assured her.
“Yeah! And on weekends we can clown together,” Caitlyn yelled excitedly. Funzo had to
admit the little girl’s love of being a clown was almost infectious.
Mike then walked in, “Hey Mom, hey Caitlyn Clown, what going on and whose this guy?”
“Mike,” Alice began, “This is Funzo he’ going to be staying with us from now on. He’s a
little down on his luck since his girlfriend turned him into a clown.”
Mike started to look at Funzo closer, who in turn began to recognize Mike. “Brian? Brian is
that you?”
“Yeah, Mike, it’s me,” Funzo/Brian replied.
“No way! Everyone at school has been wondering where you went!”
“You know Funzo?” Caitlyn asked.
“Yeah, he was that guy Brian who disappeared about a month ago. And you’re girlfriend
did this to you? Bridget did this to you?
“Yeah, Bridget did this to me.” Funzo said with heartbreak in his voice.
“Well let’s get this Bitch,” Caitlyn said slamming her four-fingered fist down into the other
with a pungent fart.
“Caitlyn!” Alice yelled, “Language! But, yes we need to get this bitch.”