Anyone familiar with the internet (and since you would have to have
lived under a rock to not be) will know that there is no shortage of
ads promoting products able to reshape and alter ones' body. Phony
diet pills, cheap exercise equipment, and a plethora of products
promising an increase of 1 to 3 inches are everywhere. To date, none
of them have proven to be worth the digital paper they are printed on.
However, all is not lost. For the truly discerning customer, there is
one product that delivers exactly as promised. Hidden in the deepest,
darkest parts of the internet is an ad that reads as follows:
NEW! From Spells R' Us and Industrial Body Magic, the Complete
Transformation Package! The only deal out there guaranteed to change
your life forever! For the first time in one place, Spell R' Us' Ring
of Three, Watch of Wonder, Medallion of Zullo, and Amorous Amulets
combined with IBM's Universal Remote, Everlasting Transformation Test
Tube, and Master PC. Now available for the low price of $19.95 plus
shipping and handling (normally a $100 value). Order today and receive
a free Gender Ring. Offer not available in Canada.
If you were to click on the link that said "details", you might find a
set instructions that looked a little like this:
The Everlasting Transformation Test Tube
The Everlasting Transformation Test Tube changes the user differently
depending on its color. The colors and their effects are as follows:
Blue- Transgender
Red- Age progression 5 years
Yellow- Age regression 5 years
Green- Anthro. Will change you to an anthro form of the first animal
you speak or hear
Pink- Beautification
Purple- Height growth 6 inches
Black- Height shrinkage 6 inches
White- Cancellation. Will revert you back to normal.
Orange- Weight increase of 30 pounds
Brown- Weight decrease of 30 pounds
White with Black dots- Random change
Drink the entire tube or serum may be ineffective. Vial automatically
refills after each use.
Ring of Three
The ring of three allows the wearer to make any change they desire,
mental or physical, to the target person using a three word
description. To use, place the ring on your right index finger, rub
the stone three times, point your finger at the target, then say the
three word command. Target will be forced to comply with the command,
be it a transformation, action, or alteration. Like all Spells R' Us
products, the Ring of Three is equipped with our patented reality
alteration spell. After a short period of time, reality will
automatically adjust so that none but the user remember the changes
made using the Ring of Three. This is done for the users protection.
Warning: Frequent use of the ring may temporarily overtax the spell,
leaving the wearer exposed to possible discovery and repercussions.
The Wonder Watch
The Wonder Watch is meant to allow its user to precisely control the
world around them through advanced hypnosis. Used in the same manner
as any other hypnosis aid, the user need only hypnotize any person to
gain complete control over both mind and body. To do so simply wave
the watch in front of the desired targets eyes to induce a trance like
state. After, that, exerting control over the targets mind and body is
simple. Just hypnotize them into repeating a hypnotic suggestion about
themselves. The statement should be in the first person i.e. "I am
...". As soon as the words are said, the changes will begin. Be warned
that hypnotizing more than one person at a time is not recommended.
Also, unless specifically ordered not to, the target will remember
both the changes made and who caused them for a short period of time
until the reality altering protection spells placed on all Spells R'
Us products have time to take effect. This can of course be very
inconvenient, so it is recommended that you plan your hypnotic
suggestions wisely.
The Universal Remote
The Universal Remote works in much the same way as any remote, except
that in this case, universal means universal. The Universal Remote
grants the user complete and precise control over the form of any
living thing. Simply capture the profile of the desired target by
pointing the remote and pressing "Select" then use the screen
interface and buttons to alter the target profile. Changes will occur
once "Apply" is pressed. Alternatively, changes can be made without
profile capture by pointing the remote at target and pressing the
various preset change buttons. However, this is not recommended as
record of changes will not be stored in memory making reversal
potentially difficult.
Warning: Universal Remote provides control mainly over physical
characteristics of target. Mental control over target through use of
the remote is somewhat limited. Plan accordingly.
The Amorous Amulets
The Amorous Amulets are a matched pair of necklaces meant to bring you
and your loved one(s) closer together in a manner never before
possible. To use, simply place the necklace around the neck of your
partner. This will link their body to your mind. After this, making
your desires come true is simply a matter of will. Concentrate on the
image of what you wish your partner to become and their body will
reshape into your fantasy.
Note: The Amorous Amulets allow for physical changes only. Mental
changes may be side effects of use, but the amulets cannot be used to
make specific mental changes.
The Master PC
The Master PC software is designed to give the user complete and
unlimited control over reality. Simply install on any computer,
desktop or laptop, and the user interface will appear. Type any
statement or command into the interface and click "Execute" or hit the
"enter" key and watch as your commands become reality. Make each
command as specific as possible. The program will try to interpret
each command as best it can, but mistakes are possible, if not likely,
with vague or incorrectly entered text. The Master PC can be installed
on any number of computers, but be warned the software comes with no
built in safeguards to prevent unauthorized use.
The Medallion of Zulo
The Medallion of Zullo allows the user to take on the appearance of
anyone he or she desires. In order to take on the appearance of a
specific person, place the Medallion around ones neck, then touch an
article of clothing belonging to the person to the Medallion. The body
wearer will then transform until it is an exact duplicate of the
person to whom the article of clothing belongs. The transformation
process takes approximately one half hour, however the process may be
sped up by prolonged contact with the article of clothing.
Alternatively, an article of clothing is used that has not been worn
by a specific person before, the wearer of the Medallion will be
transformed into someone who would fit, both in terms of physical
dimensions and personality, the article of clothing in question. After
the transformation is complete, at least twelve hours must elapse
before the Medallion can be used to return the user to their original
form or take on a new shape. It is prudent to remember this at all
times.
Gender Ring
As its name suggests the Gender Ring allows its wearer complete
control over their own gender, as well as that of those around them.
Now one may ask what is so special about an object that controls only
gender in a collection of much more versatile artifacts. The answer
lies in the unique way in which this control is exercised. Once the
ring is put on, the users body enters a state of flux. During this
period, the wearer possess the sexual organs of both male and female.
In all other ways, the wearer will remain unchanged until the first
time the wearer is sexually stimulated. At that point, the users
appearance will change according to the nature of the stimulation.
That is, the user will become progressively more male or female
depending on which set of organs is involved. Removing the ring will
not restore the users original appearance, but does allow for multiple
simultaneous users. The period of flux ends after 24 hours at which
time the user will be rendered completely male or female depending on
which gender the user most resembles at the time. The ring can be used
as many times as desired.
Sounds too good to be true? You'll just have to find out. So who will
be our first customer?