Eric’s mother, Rebecca, sat on the floor in a pile of clothes and felt confused. Something had just happened. She was sure of that. Something had happened. She just couldn’t figure out what it was. It was big, though. She knew that much. Something big had just happened. It was so frustrating that she couldn’t figure it out. Think, Rebecca, think.
The shirt on her was really making her hot. How did that get there, anyway? She started to pant, her long tongue lolling out of her muzzle, cooling her off.
“What did you do to my mom?!” said a female voice from high above her. Rebecca looked up and recognized her son, Eric. He was just the same as she remembered him: 7’ tall, dark hair, hermaphrodite, shapely female curves, crinoline dress. You know, the usual. And yet, there was something unusual about him too, but, again, she couldn’t quite figure out what was wrong. It was so frustrating.
“Well, she was acting like one so I made her one,” said the blonde girl next to Eric. She had the same build as Eric, and Rebecca recognized her as her son’s girlfriend, Lisa. “And here’s the best part…” Lisa said and coved her mouth with her hand as she leaned in to whisper into Eric’s ear. Rebecca’s ears perked up, but even with her sharp hearing, she couldn’t quite pick up what Lisa said. It was something about “Vacs” and “Wheres.”
“What do you mean ‘Unaware’?” said Eric.
Lisa whispered some more in his ear.
“No, she would notice. I mean, come on…”
Lisa stepped back and gestured towards Rebecca. “Fine then,” said Lisa at full volume. She seemed really confident about something. “Ask her. See if she noticed.”
Eric looked at Rebecca. He seemed uncertain about how to start. “Eh, Mom?” he said. Rebecca pulled her tongue back in to wet it again. She listened to him intently. “Do you understand me?”
“Well, of course I do, Honey,” said Rebecca, matter-of-factly. “What kind of question is that?” Eric’s eyes went wide, like he was stunned. “What is it?” said Rebecca.
“You don’t notice anything…” he hunted for a word. “…strange about this situation?”
“Not really,” said Rebecca. She looked around her, there were grocery bags lying on the floor. Some cans had rolled out of one of them, as if it had been dropped. Somehow, she seemed to remember holding these bags in her paws, but that couldn’t be true. After all, dogs can’t carry bags like that. Then, she examined the clothes around her. They were human clothes. She sniffed them. Lisa chuckled above her, but Rebecca ignored her. The clothes smelled like her for some reason. She couldn’t figure out why, though. And, why was she wearing a T-shirt? It just didn’t make any sense. None of it did.
“Why am I wearing a shirt?” she finally asked. That was the most “strange” thing about the situation, after all. She was dog. Why would she wear clothes?
“Eh,” said Eric, but once more, he seemed uncertain about what to say. He seemed to be in shock.
“And, why are all of these groceries lying on the floor here?” She stood up and tried to walk out of the pile of clothes, but her hind legs were tangled in a pair of jeans and panties.
“Let me help you with that,” said Lisa as she knelt down and helped Rebecca get free of the jeans and panties.
“Thank you, Dear” said Rebecca. A sock slipped off of one of her paws as she stepped clear of the clothes. She was much more comfortable standing with the cool tiles beneath her paws. “Could you get this silly T-shirt off of me while you’re at it.”
“Sure thing,” said Lisa, who smiled just a little too much. Lisa slipped the shirt up over Rebecca’s head and past her forelegs. Strangely, Rebecca noticed another article of clothing that was inside of it.
“Why was I wearing a bra under the shirt?” she asked and then shook out her furry back, happy to be free of all of those hot clothes at last. “Was this some kind of joke? Is that what’s going on here? Huh? Do these clothes belong to one of you? What are you up to?” She looked up at them both suspiciously.
“Unbelievable,” said Eric, apparently still in shock.
Lisa stifled a laugh, “Yep, you got me. They’re mine, some of my old ones from when I was smaller. You’re right. It’s supposed to be a joke. We just thought it might be funny if you dressed like a human.”
“I see,” said Rebecca, but she didn’t get the joke.
“We were even pretending that you had just come home with groceries,” said Lisa who couldn’t help but laugh this time.
“So that’s why they’re there,” said Rebecca. She furrowed her furry brow. Something was wrong. What was it? “I’m sorry,” she said. “It’s weird. Somehow, I must have forgotten what was going on. Maybe I need a nap.”
Lisa seemed to have gotten the laughs out of her system at last. She stood up and said, “It’s no problem. It was a disorienting little joke, after all.”
Rebecca still didn’t get the joke. “Well, make sure someone picks those cans up. We wouldn’t want someone to trip on them.”
Lisa nudged Eric. “Time to help out Mommy,” she said. “Better put away the groceries. The joke’s over now.” She winked at him.
Rebecca thought Lisa was acting weird, but, then again, there was always something a bit off about Lisa.
Eric moved slowly as if in a daze. After closing the front door (Why was that open?), he barely took his eyes off of Rebecca as he tried to kneel and bend to reach the cans. His dress and corset were making the whole operation very difficult, though.
“Oh, I just thought of something,” said Lisa. She started up the stairs, taking them two at a time with her long legs. “I’ll be right back.”
A minute later, Eric had collected all of the groceries and was putting them away in the kitchen. Rebecca had started to lick the fur straight on one of her forelegs. It’s important to keep clean, after all. Lisa came running down the stairs, and Rebecca stopped licking to look up at her. Lisa smiled as she held up a strip of brown leather. Something metallic was hanging from it. Rebecca thought she should recognize it for some reason. “Look what I have here,” Lisa said.
Eric joined them by the stairs. Seeing what she was holding, he said, “No, don’t.”
“What?” said Lisa.
“I mean, come on. Isn’t it bad enough that you did this to her?” he said. Was he talking about the joke with the clothes? Rebecca wondered. He sounded a bit upset for some reason. What was bothering him so much today?
“Eric,” she said. “Really, shouldn’t your Mom be wearing her collar? All dogs are supposed to have them.”
It was a collar. Of course, thought Rebecca. Lisa knelt down in front of Rebecca and showed her the collar. The metal ID tag had the word, “BECKY,” stamped into it in fancy lettering.
“It’s a gift for you, Becky,” Lisa said. Rebecca sniffed the collar. Its strong leather scent was a bit overwhelming. She wanted to reach for it with her paw, as if she would grab it with fingers, but that was a silly thought, that she would have fingers instead of a paw. “I thought you might like a shiny new collar, and, well, I know we haven’t always gotten along well. I thought that giving you a gift might help us patch up our relationship a bit. You know, as a gesture of friendship.”
“Please don’t put that on her,” said Eric, but he seemed to have all but given up on his objections.
Lisa ignored him and slipped the leather strap around Rebecca’s neck. Rebecca felt Lisa fumble with the buckle in the back, slightly choking her as she adjusted it. But, then, Lisa let go of it. The new collar fit her tightly, but comfortably. It seemed right to have it on. All dogs wear collars, after all. At the same time, there was that persistent sense that something was wrong about this whole situation.
“Thank you,” said Rebecca. She shook out her fur again to straighten out the collar. “It’s lovely.” Maybe Lisa isn’t so bad, after all. She thought.
“I’m glad you like it,” said Lisa. Eric sighed. Lisa stood up. “Well,” she said. “Are you feeling hungry? Does Becky want some din din?” That last question was asked as if Lisa were talking to a little baby. Rebecca didn’t seem to mind the tone, although she felt as though she should mind it. She knew that tone should be insulting, but it wasn’t. That’s how humans talk to dogs sometimes, after all. She felt her tail start to wag. “Do you?” asked Lisa, brightly. Rebecca realized that she really was excited to eat. That cutesy voice was making her excited.
“Uh huh,” said Rebecca. She was so excited that she could barely speak. Her tongue was flapping around too much as she panted.
The two humans walked into the kitchen, while Rebecca danced around Lisa’s heels. A little yap escaped her mouth. How could she ever have not liked Lisa? She must have been crazy. Lisa gives food! She has to be good.
They walked up to two empty metal bowls by the wall.
“Where did those come from?” asked Eric.
“From the store. You got them with the other groceries and the dog food.” Her eyes narrowed. “Remember? I told you to get her new bowls as another gift from me to her.”
“Wow!” said Rebecca between pants. “New collar!” Pant. “New bowls!” Pant, pant. “And food!” Pant. “You’re!” Pant. “The best!” Pant, pant. “Lisa!”
Lisa smiled. She opened a cabinet and pulled out a bag of dry dog food. “Right where it should be,” Lisa said.
Rebecca’s tail felt like it would fly off her backside; it was moving so fast.
“See,” said Lisa addressing Eric. “The bag was right where you put it.”
Eric sighed. “Fine,” he said. “Whatever. I’m going to go watch some TV. I can’t take watching this mess anymore.”
“Eric,” Lisa said as he walked off, but he didn’t stop. “Come on. It’s just for a day or two,” she shouted to him. “Loosen up a bit already.”
“Food!” Pant, pant, pant. What is the hold up? Rebecca thought. Feed the damn dog already!
Lisa tore open the bag, and the wonderful, delicious smell of the food filled the room. It was heaven. Rebecca felt a line of drool drip from her mouth. Lisa poured a heaping pile of brown kibble into one of the bowls. Even the tinkling sound of pouring the food was delicious. The instant the bag was lifted from the bowl, Rebecca’s mouth was buried in the kibble, chomping away at it. The taste! So wonderful! Even the way it crumbled in her mouth was delightful. What a perfect meal! She couldn’t eat it fast enough. The bowl slid a little with each chomp. Her muzzle was covered in her own drool mixed with bits of kibble, but she didn’t care.
“I gather that you like it then,” said Lisa. Rebecca didn’t even slow down to reply. She did manage a brief grunt.
She heard Lisa walk off and then return a short while later with a tall glass of water, which she poured into the other bowl. As soon as the water hit the other bowl, Rebecca realized that she was incredibly thirsty. The dry food had really dried out her mouth.
Reluctantly, she pulled her face out of the kibble, grunted something vaguely similar to “Thank you!” and began lapping up the water with her long tongue. Again, she felt like she couldn’t lap it up fast enough. As soon as her mouth felt wet enough to leave the water, she plunged back into the kibble again. Seconds later, she was licking the bowl clean of every last crumb. After a bit more water, she managed to grunt, “More.”
“Nope,” said Lisa. “That’s all you get for now. You don’t want a tummy ache do you, Becky? Hmm, Sweetums?” That cutesy voice again.
Rebecca licked her chops clearing away the last remnants of the food. “Oh, alright,” she said feeling dejected. Rebecca really wanted more, but Lisa was the human, after all. She knew best.
“Come on. Let’s go sit down with Eric for a while,” said Lisa. “I think we need to cheer up Old Grumpy Puss.”
“Okay,” said Rebecca. “Why’s he so down, anyway?”
“Well,” said Lisa. “I think we’re having a bit of a disagreement about our plans for the day. Let’s go check on him.” As Rebecca followed Lisa towards the den, Lisa stopped briefly to open the cabinet with the dog food in it and grabbed something from it. Rebecca didn’t get a good look at what it was, though, and Lisa immediately hid it away from her view.
“What’s that?” asked Rebecca as she tried to angle herself to get a good look at it.
“It’s a secret,” said Lisa, who kept the mystery object cupped in her hand.
“Another present?” she asked, hopefully. Her tail started to wag again.
“Maybe,” said a smirking Lisa.
Goody, another present! Rebecca thought. This was the best day ever!
As they walked to the den Rebecca said, “Lisa?”
“Yes?”
“I love you.”
Lisa stopped walking. She seemed a bit taken aback by that statement. Then, Lisa smiled down at her and said, “I love you, too, Becky.”
They walked into the den to see Eric trying and failing to get comfortable on the couch in his giant skirt as he watched TV. “Sounds like you two finally bonded,” he said as they came in. Obviously, he had overheard the conversation in the hall. “How long do you think that will last?” he asked.
“We’ll see,” said Lisa, but it sounded like she was saying “Shut up” instead. Lisa sat down on the recliner on the other side of the room.
Seeing her son all alone, Rebecca leaped up onto the couch and sat next to Eric. She sniffed his face affectionately and stuck out her tongue to lick his cheek, but he pulled away before she could touch him.
“What?” she said.
“Eh,” he said. “Your mouth kind of smells like dog food.”
“So?” she said. “Don’t you like it? It’s so delicious. I can’t believe you don’t eat it too. You should try some.”
He sighed. Why was he always sighing around her? “I’ll pass. Thank you.”
Eric finally managed to get somewhat comfortable on the couch, and they all quieted down to watch TV. Rebecca tried to follow what was happening, but she had a hard time understanding what all the lights on the screen meant. She could hear it, but that was a bit boring. From the sound of the TV, she gathered that they were watching some action flick. It wasn’t much to listen to, though, just explosions and screaming. After a few minutes, she lay out on the couch, tired of trying to make sense of the TV. Now, it was her turn to sigh.
“Are you alright, Becky?” asked Lisa.
“Don’t call her that,” said Eric.
“That’s her name.”
“It isn’t.”
“It is today, Okay?” she said with a tone that made it clear that the conversation was over.
Eric threw up his hands in surrender.
“So, Becky, is something wrong?” Lisa asked, sounding genuinely concerned.
Rebecca sat up. “Well,” she said. “I can’t seem to follow what’s happening on the screen. It’s weird. I don’t remember having this much trouble with TV before.”
“Isn’t that something?” said Eric. He gave Lisa a knowing glance. What is going on between them? Rebecca wondered.
“Becky, would you like to do something else then?” Lisa asked. “A game maybe?”
Rebecca’s tail started to wag. “What game?”
Finally, Lisa revealed the secret object from the cabinet. It was a red rubber ball. “Fetch.”
Rebecca leapt off the couch and pranced in front of Lisa, expectantly. “Yes!” she said. She even barked; she was so excited. “Thank you! I love it! Give it to me! Please! Please!”
“You want the ball?” said Lisa, waving the ball in front of her.
“YES!” There was nothing in the world that she wanted more. Her eyes were glued to its every move.
“You want the ball?” The cutesy voice!
“YESSS!”
“Go get it,” said Lisa as she tossed the ball down the hallway. Rebecca was scampering after it the moment the ball left Lisa’s fingers. She caught it in her mouth after only two bounces. She tasted the rubber. It tasted like dog food, just a little bit. Panting happily, she realized that she was having so much fun. She had to do it again right away. She ran up to Lisa and presented the ball to her, but she didn’t let it go. Lisa would have to take it from her. That was Rebecca’s part of the game, playing keep away.
“Good girl,” cooed Lisa. She tried to grab the ball, but Rebecca was too fast for her. She growled and jerked away from her hand. “Give it here,” Lisa said, holding out her palm. Rebecca shook her head and crouched down low on the floor, ready to evade Lisa’s next attempt to take her ball. “Fine,” said Lisa. “If you don’t want me to throw it again, I’ll go back to watching the movie.” Lisa crossed her arms under her giant breasts and looked away. Rebecca whined. Lisa wasn’t playing the game right. She was supposed to try to get the ball over and over. What’s wrong with her? Rebecca dropped the ball.
“Lisa,” she said, whining again. “Come on. You’re supposed to try to take it from me.”
Lisa looked at her. “I thought we were playing fetch, not keep away.”
Lisa just wasn’t getting it. “This IS fetch,” she explained. Why didn’t Lisa understand? “You throw it, and then I try to keep it from you. That’s how it goes.”
Lisa sighed. “Fine,” she said. “I’ll try to get it once, and then I’ll throw it one more time, but that’s it.”
Rebecca’s tail wagged as she picked up the ball again. In a few seconds, Lisa got a hold of the ball in her mouth. Rebecca tugged and tugged with all of her might, but Lisa wouldn’t let go. Finally, Rebecca gave it up. Lisa raised up the ball to throw it again as Rebecca crouched in anticipation, not taking her eyes off the ball. “Fetch,” Lisa said and threw it. Rebecca took off bounding down the hall after the ball. It only took a few seconds to realize something was wrong. There was no bouncing sound. She couldn’t see the ball anywhere. What was going on? Did it disappear?
“Becky,” said Lisa. Rebecca turned to see Lisa still holding the ball in her hand. “Fooled you!”
“Hey,” said Rebecca. “No fair! That’s cheating.”
“Here,” said Lisa and then she threw it for real. Rebecca leapt and caught it in mid-air. She ran back to Lisa with her tail wagging. After dropping the ball at Lisa’s feet, she sat down next to her. “Good girl,” said Lisa. She started to pet Rebecca’s head and back. Rebecca leaned in to Lisa’s hand, happily savoring her touch.
“Hmm,” Rebecca said. “That feels so good. Thank you, Lisa. You are amazing. Really amazing!”
“Better than any spa day, right?” said Lisa.
“What?” said Rebecca.
“Oh, nothing,” said Lisa. Again, the smirk.
After a minute of petting, Rebecca lay down and started chewing on the ball. Soon, she became aware of a pressure in her abdomen. She had to go.
“Lisa?”
“Yes.”
“I think I have to pee,” said Rebecca. “And, maybe something more, too.”
“Oh,” said Lisa. “One second. Wait right there.” She left the room and returned a minute later with a black nylon leash in her hand. She held it out to Eric. “It’s your turn with her.”
“What?” he said. “You’ve got to be kidding.”
Rebecca whined as the pressure started to build. “Someone hurry up and take me, please.”
“I just fed her and played with her. You take her out.”
“No way,” he said. “Tell her to use the toilet.”
“She’s too small. She’ll fall in,” said Lisa. “Do you want to clean her up after that?”
Eric stood up and straightened out his dress. “Do you really think I can go out anywhere wearing this?”
“Just walk her around the yard,” she said and handed him the leash. “Oh, and you might need one of these.” She handed him a little plastic bag.
“Hurry!” said Rebecca.
He groaned. “You better not need to go number two,” he said to Rebecca as he clipped the leash onto her collar. Seconds later, they were outside, and she was crouching and pissing on the nearest spot of grass.
“Oh, yes. That feels sooooo good,” she moaned.
“Shh,” said Eric. “I don’t want the neighbors to see us.”
She finished up her piss and took a few more steps. Then, she realized that she wasn’t done. “Eric,” she said. “I’m so sorry about this.”
“About what?” he asked, but he smelled his answer as soon as he asked the question. “Oh, gross!”
“I’m sorry,” she said as she finished and scrapped her claws in the grass. “I had to.”
Eric dropped the leash (“Why am I holding this at all?”), held his nose, and picked up after her, being careful not to get any of her mess on his dress. “Oh God, it’s so warm.” He gagged a bit. Rebecca felt so bad that he had to do that. Of course, that was his job as the human walking her, but, once more, she had a sense that something was wrong about the situation.
Eric opened the door for her and called for Lisa to help him dispose of the bag. He tied it up and went to put it in the trash in the garage. Rebecca, meanwhile, found a comfortable bit of carpet in the den, circled around it a few times, and lay down for a nap. She was pooped. Laying there with her eyes closed, she heard Lisa and Eric return to the den. She listened to the conversation between them that followed, but little of it made any sense to her.
“Is she sleeping?” she heard Eric ask.
“Looks like it,” Lisa replied.
“You have to change her back,” he said. “I’m not doing that again, ever.”
“I want to keep her like this until tomorrow.”
“What?” he said. “Are you kidding? This is so wrong. I don’t even know where to begin describing how wrong this is.”
“I know,” she said. “I know it’s wrong. It’s just…”
“What?”
“Well,” she said. “I like her this way. I don’t mean, like, I like her as a pet or anything like that.”
“You’d better not. That’s my mom.”
“No. I don’t. It’s just that she seems so much happier like this. She’s enjoying herself. I like to see her enjoying herself. When was the last time she enjoyed anything like she did today?”
A pause, Eric was silent for a few seconds. “I don’t know,” he said. “Probably, before Dad died.”
Another pause, then Rebecca heard the wet sound of a kiss. “I’m sorry that things have been that hard for her… and for you,” said Lisa.
“One more day,” he said. “Then, we’ll figure out what to do next.”
“Thank you,” said Lisa. “I love you.”
“I love you too, even if you are kind of crazy sometimes.”
Rebecca heard the sound of another kiss as she drifted off to sleep, forgetting most of what she’d just heard. The dream that followed was almost as fun as the day she’d had. Lisa was there with the red rubber ball. She kept throwing it and throwing it, and every time Rebecca brought it back, Lisa would try to wrestle it from her. But, Rebecca never let her have it until she felt that she’d kept it away long enough. It was pure bliss.
Unbeknownst to Rebecca, as she slept, her furry legs ran, scraping along the carpet next to her, keeping up with that endless game of fetch.