…I spotted the woman I’d made naked waiting at the bottom of the steps. She had a knowing and condescending grin on her face. I walked slowly down the steps towards her. Once I was at speaking distance I said to her, “You bailed me out, didn’t you? You followed me the whole way here, didn’t you?”
“Mmm. Perhaps you are not as dumb as you look, young man,” she answered. “I know you still have more questions. Come with me and you will have them answered.”
“Fuck that!” I said. I’m getting as far away from you as possible.
“Young man, you really do not have a choice in this matter,” she said.
“The hell I don’t,” I shot back. “Look, I’m sorry what I did to you. It was an accident, a stupid mistake. I promise I won’t wish for anymore women to be naked in public. But you managed to get me arrested, so pardon me if I’m not grateful for you bailing me out of something you got me into in the first place!”
“Are you sure you were arrested?” she asked coyly.
I looked at her in disbelief. “You think I spent the last hour being questioned, fingerprinted and eyeballed by a large biker for the fun of it?” I asked.
“Why do we not ask somebody?” she said. “In fact, here comes the officer that arrested you. Why do you not ask him?”
I still couldn’t believe her. But if it meant I could get away from her faster, I was all for it. “Fine,” I said. I turned around and waited for the officer to descend the stairs. Once he did I said to him, “I’m sorry for any trouble I might have caused you today, officer.”
The policeman looked at me oddly. “I’m sorry, sir, but I don’t know what you mean,” he said.
“When you had to arrest me for public nudity about an hour ago,” I said.
“Are you sure that was me, sir?” he asked.
“Yes, of course,” I said.
He shook his head. “I haven’t arrested anyone for any reason today,” he said. He looked at my attire and said, “Please don’t tell me you’re about to make me do that.”
“I am so sorry, officer,” the woman interrupted and stepped in between us. “My nephew here has not been feeling too well today. I think he has a fever and I need to get him home.”
“That’s probably a good idea,” the policeman said as he still looked confused. Then he said to me, “I think you should go with your aunt here. Just stay out of trouble.” He walked off to his car without another word.
The woman turned around to me with that big grin on her face again. “How is that possible?” I asked. I reached into the pocket of the coat and said, “I’ve got the damned arrest report and…” My voice trailed off as I searched the pocket and found that nothing was there. “Well, where the hell is it?” I asked.
“It never existed, young man,” she said knowingly. “Now I really think you need to stop objecting to what I say and come with me.”
At this point I was at an absolute loss. I didn’t know what to do or think anymore, except for one thing. I knew that whatever was going on was this woman’s doing. I had to know why. So I caved in. “Fine,” I said. “But I really hope the mind games are over.”
“Unfortunately,” she said, “they are really just beginning.”