The meeting had thankfully come a couple of days into my training. Jinara didn't formally interrupt Lartara's training on the first day, or even the second. It gave me time to learn more on Lycothan protocol and the rules I was to carry out as a Warrior. I did my best to focus on the lessons and be ready to be a guard in the facility, though I was obviously still nervous over the situation and to whether or not I was truly ready. But, the meeting had come, and was one that wasn't completely unavoidable. It was bound to happen eventually, even if Jinara wasn't pulling tricks.
Though the situation was not without its issues that saddened me. I did remember being Haley and saw myself as both Haley and Harkaal. I personally wanted nothing more than to tell her that I remembered who I was, scoop her up in my arms, and tell her that everything would be okay, the way a mother would cradle a frightened child. But I couldn't do that. On one level it violated the rules I was supposed to follow regarding excessive contact with prisoners and on the other level it carried the risk of my remembering who I was getting me in trouble. Lartara had said that the Alphas didn't like that issue, which I assumed would mean they'd send me somewhere horrible if they found out. Now, I was sure my sisters wouldn't betray me and wouldn't mind. They might even be curious about how I compared being Human with being a Lycothan. However, if they let it slip inadvertently in front of someone like Jinara, her response likely wouldn't be as supportive. That was even proved in the private conversation that Jaxar and Nillara had with Lartara and I after I was presented to the Alphas for the first time. The two Alphas made completely sure that Jinara had left the room and that the doors were shut. If Alphas were that cautious regarding the issue of their memories, than I as a Warrior Recruit had even more reason to be cautious.
That said, I felt it was best to be honest. Protocol didn't forbid conversation between guards and prisoners and lying might only make things worse for Amanda or for the others. If I said I hated it, it might reveal that I did remember in an odd way, as why would a Lycothan who didn't remember their human past hate what they were? Even if didn't reveal my remembering, it might encourage further or fiercer resistance on Amanda's part, which could lead to further actions on Jinara's part that would cause trouble.
"Am I happy..." I said slowly, pondering how to answer her question. I figured it best to be honest, but was trying to think over how to present it.
"Yes," Amanda answered, "are you happy as you are?"
I looked to her, and in a way I could see the conflict in her. I didn't think Nillara had been able to directly talk with her sister, but it was clear that the Alphas wanted Amanda to join them. I knew that before I became Harkaal. It was only recently that I learned the reasons behind why they wanted to recruit Amanda. Jinara wanted to be promoted and Nillara and Jaxar sought to find a way revise the protocol in terms of how we were to deal with prisoners. The reasons, in a way, wouldn't save Amanda from being transformed, but then, if Jinara lost patience and decided to take more drastic action, she wasn't above such decisions. It was as Lartara had said to me why she had supported the overall plan. Since a human Earth was impossible and for the moment letting humans live alongside Lycothans under Lycothan rule was unlikely, the only thing that could save them from being killed was transformation. I had found myself coming to agree with that opinion now that I was a Lycothan, myself. And protocol would allow me "sell" accepting the change, which in Amanda's case stood to benefit the others, if things went well. I took a deep breath and then spoke honestly, settling on just coming out with it.
"Yes," I said slowly, "I am happy. I can protect you better as I am. I have my sisters in the barracks. It isn't so bad..."
Amanda looked at me with some tears in her eyes. In a way it saddened me to see her conflicted. A part of her wanted remain human and I guessed a part of her did wish to rejoin her sister, and another part was probably worn down by Jinara's actions to recruit her. Though Jinara was probably trying to force her to give in. My intention was to give Amanda some means of not only making a choice but being strong in it. It wasn't likely that she'd get out of the facility as a human, but I could put her at better ease with accepting the change, though I knew that Amanda could still reject even my attempts.
"Isn't so bad?" Amanda asked slowly.
"It's certainly better then being isolated in here," I pointed out.
"You could let me go..." Amanda retorted.
I then looked down and sighed, "I'm only a Warrior, 995403, what you're asking is beyond what they'd let me do."
There was a silence between us for a few moments.
"You could change that, however," I said after a few moments.
"Me?" Amanda snorted back, "if I give in... become like them..."
"We aren't all monsters," I answered.
"Uh-huh," Amanda commented, "and you're happy with what you are..."
It was more of a statement than a question.
"Yes," I nodded, "I am happy as I am. I am strong now. I actually feel beautiful, and I have my sisters in the barracks and they have accepted me. You could be just as happy as I am... and as an Alpha... you'd be able to do even more than I to protect the others."
"Your sisters..." Amanda said slowly, half disbelieving half curious.Some of this was probably in relation to her own issues with the fact that her sister was already an Alpha.
"The other Warriors," I told her, "we've all bonded together. They aren't related to me biologically... but I'd fight for them as if they were..."
Amanda only looked down for a moment, looking to be deep in thought, "at least you have sisters..."
That was hard to answer. I did have a biological sister, Katie, but she was not in the facility. Part of my training so far had included looking through the prisoner numbers, which fit in with the rules I'd have to follow as a warrior. I hadn't gotten through all of the prisoner numbers, but since the list did include their human names, at one point had been able to make a search for Katie. However, my search had not found her. That meant that either the lists available for Eira and I to study were limited to this facility and that if Katie had been captured, she hadn't been sent here, or, the list did include every prisoner and Katie was in hiding somewhere. And I did see my fellow Warriors as sisters. I was very honest in that regard, but Amanda was likely dealing with the fact that her situation was dealing with a biological sister.
"You could rejoin your sister," I told her, "I know you don't want to lose who you are... but you do have that option."
Amanda didn't answer but looked down for a few moments. Sensing that I wasn't going to get much more out of Amanda at the moment I began to head back to the door. I reached it and sighed.
"I have been assigned to work with you for the foreseeable future," I said softly to her, "feel free to talk with me... I can show you that not all Lycothans are monsters."
Amanda didn't answer slowly reached for the plate I had set down.
"I will be back for the plate in an hour," I finished before I left the cell, "you'd best eat and keep your strength."