Kevin the Chair didn’t return to his room until later that night. As it had become quite a tradition these last few years, just when the wooden captain had finished his speech to welcome the new players of the soccer team they decided to play a practical joke on him. At least this year the joke had been quite tame, they just spilled the contents of a few beer cans into the mouth drawn in the fabric of his cushion. Just as the team intended, Kevin became drunk and considerably horny. They had a good laugh watching the tipsy-moving chair walking along the hallways pleading for anyone to sit on his face. Of course, much to his dismay, nobody wanted to sit on a drunk chair with a perverted face drawn on his cushion. When Kevin regained his senses it was nearly midnight. He decided to go back into his room quietly, as the Corgi and the new guy were probably sleeping already. However when he slowly opened the door the lights were still turned on, and a Corgi was wagging his tail happily at him.
“I see you’re happy to see me as always, Dylan.” Said the chair.
Dylan was repulsed. “I-I’m not happy! It’s just my canine instincts kicking in!” The Corgi tried to his tail from wagging. “It’s not like I was waiting for you or anything, you foul-smelling wooden piece of furniture! Have you been drinking again?”
The chair lifted one of his legs to his cushion to smell it. It’s true that as a wooden chair he didn’t take that many showers, but it wasn’t that bad!
“Well, you know how it is with the team...*hic!*”
“I knew it! You’re gonna get into trouble one of those days...Why the hell is my roommate such a reckless chair?! I can’t deal with this stress every day!”
“Heheh, if you’re so worried about me, then without doubt you’re really happy to see me.”
“Shut up or I’ll take a whizz in one of your wooden legs!” Said the angry dog.
Kevin just laughed at the threat. He was taking off his tie when he noticed something.
“Hey, where’s Connor?” Said the chair pointing to the empty bed.
“I have no idea.” Replied the dog. “I thought that he would be with you. Or maybe he got lost. This place is quite big...”
Kevin thought about it for a moment. “Hehehe, it’s midnight. He should be in his wereform right now. Maybe he’s just embarrassed.”
“Embarrassed? What could be more embarrassing that having a talking chair for a roommate?” The dog snarkly added. “Anyway, what do you think his other form is?”
“I’m really hoping he’s a piece of furniture like me, it’d be nice for him to have someone to relate to.”
The dog laughed. “You just want him to be a table so you can be a complete set. Connor and Kevin, sitting in a tree...”
The cushion on the chair turned red. “It’s not like that!”
“He’s probably just an animal, like most of the werepeople on here.” Dylan supposed. “But if he’s so embarrased about it, he must be a really tiny creature.”
While Kevin and Dylan were debating about what their roommate was, they had no idea Connor was in that same room right now, hearing their entire conversation. If only they knew how wrong they were in their assumptions...
That's when Kevin realized that someone had placed a note on the back of the door. It was stuck in place by two pieces of adhesive tape. Kevin took it to have a closer look at what was written on it, as he wasn’t wearing his glasses at that moment.
“Connor’s tie is in the package on the table. Remember, all students must wear their tie at all times during their stay on campus, regardless of form. Signed, the management.”
“What does it say?” Asked the dog.
“Nah, it’s just a note for Connor. Apparently his tie has been delivered.” Replied Kevin. “Nothing important.” The chair was about to turn the piece of paper into a ball with his legs to throw it into the trashcan when the flat piece of dead tree escaped the chair’s “hands” and fell into the floor.
“Argh! This is the downside of not having fingers!”
Then, to Kevin and Dylan’s amazement, the piece of paper incorporated itself and, using his two lower corners as feet, ran away from the two of them.
“What the hell?” Shouted the dog.
The paper tried to get on top of the table for some reason, but it could barely jump.
“I think it’s trying to tell us something!” Said Kevin. The chair used his legs to lift the piece of paper into the top of the table. The piece of paper then used his two upper corners as hands to pick up a blue pen.
“A paper that wants to write? What has the world come to?!” Said the Corgi incredulously.
The paper used the pen to draw a big circle on itself, the side of it that hadn’t been scribbled on.
“Pheeew! That was close!”
It was Connor’s voice! It came from the circle the paper had drawn on itself!
“Connor! You’re...a...” Said the dog.
“...Living piece of paper?” Continued the chair.
“...Yeah. Every night, I turn into a blank piece of paper. I can move around a little bit with my lightweight body, but I can’t talk unless a mouth is drawn on me.” Said Connor the Piece of Paper. “...Go on. Laugh. I know, it’s very embarrassing. Some guy from the management saw me taking a nap on my bed and thought I was just ordinary paper and scribbled that message on me and stuck me on the door. It was horrible, I felt so trapped...”
“Of course we won’t laugh!” Said the chair. “You’re just excepcional. Just like everyone else. Right, Dylan?”
“Yeah...” Said the dog. “You’re an exceptional...piece of blank paper...” It didn’t sound too convincing.
“I always feel so fragile! I’m always scared of being ripped apart...!” Connor seemed to be getting sad.
“No, no, no!” Said Kevin. “Connor, your form is great! For example, Dylan here is an expert making paper planes and other stuff like that with paper. Wanna be a paperplane sometime? You could fly!”
The piece of paper shuddered. “That sounds painful! Being crushed and thrown around like that!”
Kevin didn’t know what to do. He really wanted to cheer Connor up.
“Oh, I know!”
Kevin took the blue pen the paper had just used. With amazing dexterity considering his lack of fingers, Kevin drew a pair of eyes, ears, a nose, and hair imitating Connor’s human face. The drawn squared face started moving as if it were alive. The dog brought up a mirror so Connor could see himself.
“Incredible!” The paper said. “It’s like a cartoon version of my face! Thanks so much!”
“That’s right! Dylan and I will be turning ourselves to draw on you every night so you’ll never be blank and confused with actual paper!”
“I’m really grateful, you guys are the best...” The face drawn on the paper blushed. “But still, I’d like you not to tell anyone else on the school about my other form, if that’s all right? Not everybody is as comprehensive as you two...”
“No problem!” Said Kevin.
“Fine by me!” Said the dog as well. “I can’t draw as well as Kevin, I can only draw cartoon dicks. But if you need a penis drawn on you to play around on those lonely nights, or feel like letting me practice my origami skills, feel free to ask!”
Connor wasn’t sure if Dylan was joking around or not. But he was happy, he now had two trustful roommates with whom he could share his secret. Maybe turning into a fragile piece of paper every night wouldn’t feel as lonely any longer.