I didn't sleep much that night. For one, my increased weight and age of 42 had given me a sore back and ankles, and my modest income as a single dad who does nothing but YouTube videos didn't pay out enough to afford me a very comfortable mattress. Also, I couldn't keep from worrying that my roommate-turned-ten-year-old-son would try to change things and somehow make them worse. The entire night I tried to think of long specific phrases that would help improve things. But I knew that, no matter what I said, things would be worse somehow.
I must have drifted off at some point, because I awoke to my alarm blaring on my night stand. I reached out to shut it off, catching sight of my plump, hairy arm. I sat up, feeling my lower back already begin to ache. I sighed, and got ready to begin my new life.
As I made my way to the bathroom, I caught scent of something cooking. I quickly made my way to the cooking area and saw Jeff, still a chubby ten-year-old, standing on a step-stool by the stove and frying bacon. My fatherly instincts kicked in instantly.
"Jeff! What are you doing at the stove? You might hurt yourself!" I immediately bit my tongue, glad that I hadn't phrased my words in a way that would cause him to certainly get hurt.
Jeff looked up at me, surprised. "Uh, hey, Dad. I mean, Sam. I mean, Dad." His face scrunched up as he tried to figure out what to properly call me. He shook his head, tossing the mental question aside. "Hey. Uhm, I thought I might make us some breakfast. You know, it's the least I could do."
I forced myself to recall Jeff as he originally was, as my slightly out of shape, 25-year-old roommate that I had known since childhood. It wasn't easy. My fatherly instincts were kicking in, strong. I stepped toward him and gently took the spatula from his small hands.
"Is this your way of saying 'sorry I got us cursed by a crazy gypsy woman and turning you into a fat, middle-aged man?' It's a nice thought, but I'd feel better if I did the cooking."
Jeff nodded and stepped off of the stool. The bacon seemed pretty much done so I scooped it up onto a nearby plate. Both of us sat at the table and began munching on the bacon in silence.
"So..." said Jeff. "I heard you and Emma talking last night."
I nodded. "So you know all about her great aunt and that Emma might be able to fix things for us."
Jeff took another bite of bacon. "Yeah. I also know how awkward it probably is with us having this... relationship. I mean, I know you probably don't want to be my old dad."
"Jeff, I think I know where you're going with this, and the answer is no. We can't risk changing anything."
"Why not? Emma's going to fix everything anyway, and even if we do change things, she won't be affected by it."
I sighed, pushing my bacon aside. "We don't know that for sure. She might say no."
Jeff rolled his eyes. "She might not. All I know is that I'm not reliving being ten years old again. So, for starters..."
"Jeff!"
He smirked and stood up. "I'm 25 years old and your roommate, not your son."
I felt another chill and saw Jeff's form begin to rapidly grow and mature. He tore out of the PJs he was wearing as he launched straight through his teenage years into his twenties. He kept his hefty gut the whole way, and his body grew greasier and less kempt the whole way. A smattering of hair grew between his flabby "pecs" and upon his round belly. An unruly beard formed on his jaw, more from lack of shaving than anything deliberate. His hair grew longish and greasy. His tattered PJs reformed into a stained t-shirt and boxers a few days late for a wash. He looked just like he did when I had turned him into a fat slob on accident. The apartment became a mess once again, with food and drink containers strewn about, and the couch becoming a veritable pigsty, much like it had before.
Jeff looked himself up and down. He rubbed his hands along his stomach and ill-fitting shirt and ran his fingers through his greasy hair. "Not exactly what I was hoping for, but it's a start."
I felt my fatherly instincts wane. My memories of Jeff as my son faded. Now he was just a guy I shared an apartment with, much like before. Only now there was a good 17 years separating our ages. I noticed my own clothes became a tad grimier and my hair and beard grew out slightly. I wasn't a slob like Jeff, but I no longer had to care for a small child, and some of Jeff's slovenly tendencies had rubbed off on me. I was no longer a single father, but a bachelor in his 40's.
Jeff smiles. "See? Everything's fine."
I sighed. "Jeff, we have no idea what the downside of that could be."
Jeff shook his belly. "Believe me, Sam, this isn't exactly a great alternative. Come on, loosen up a little. Now let's do you."
I took another bite of bacon. A few bit of bacon crumbled off and tumbled down my own ample stomach. "I dunno, Jeff..."
He sat back in his seat across from me. "Just try it. It's not going to kill you. You'd much rather be younger, right?"
I knew he wouldn't stop pestering me until I went along with this. This was how Jeff was. I found it was generally easier to agree with him than to argue. "Fine. But you're responsible for what happens."
He grinned, pleased. "As long as we don't end up as a father and son again, fine by me."
I mentally braced myself. I had to start small, lest I throw reality for a loop. I cleared my throat and focused on exactly what I wanted to say. "I am 25 years old."
I felt a chill. I immediately got up and made my way to the bathroom mirror. I was in time to see the lines and wrinkles on my face smooth over. The grey vanished from my hair and beard. I also felt the aching in my back and ankles lessen drastically. Then it seemed to end. I didn't lose any weight, my beard and body hair were still in place, and my hairlines stayed fairly receded. I felt the back of my scalp to confirm my bald spot was also still in place. My shirt did shift, though, becoming the Pac-Man one I'd worn yesterday. My wardrobe had apparently youthened to suit my age.
I lumbered my way back to Jeff. I wasn't happy with my hairline, but at least I didn't have the aches and pains. He was eating the last of the bacon, and looked up when I reentered.
"Dude," he said. "I thought you were changing?"
I shrugged. "I did, sort of." My voice had lost some of its gravel as well.
He looked closer at me. "Oh, I see. Too bad about the..." And he put a hand to his own greasy hair. "At least you're not as old. I wouldn't worry too much. Lots of guys have lost that much hair by the time they're your age."
I felt another chill. I watched as Jeff's own hair began to recede as male pattern baldness took over. His hairline retracted halfway across his scalp before stopping, the hair on the leading edge thinner than the rest. The effect was amplified by the unwashed state of his hair. Curious I stepped behind him to see his hair was thinning at the back as well. In spite of the situation, I stifled a chuckle.
Jeff growled and mumbled. "Stupid curse. I was trying to make you feel better, Sam."
I nodded, suppressing a smirk. "Don't get mad at me. We've got to be careful with what we say. We're lucky this... experiment didn't have any more drastic results. We should probably resist the urge to try anything else."
He frowned and cupped his gut. "Aw, Sam, but I'm still fat." As if to confirm that the curse was still in effect, his gut distended another inch or so, his shirt riding just slightly higher. He glowered. "Fine, fine. Whatever."
I took the empty plates of bacon back into the kitchen area with a new spring in my step. Despite the situation, things were looking a little better. If nothing else, Jeff had proved the curse was something we could work with. Yes, its effects were unpredictable and possibly dangerous, but it was livable if we were careful. Also, I wasn't over 40 anymore, so there was that. As I put the dishes in the overflowing sink, I spied the shopping list on the front of the refrigerator. It was getting rather long, and there were necessities that we couldn't go long without.
I pulled the list off the fridge and turned to Jeff, who had sat himself down in front of the TV where he would stay for most of the day, as his new lifestyle demanded. "Jeff, we need some things. I'm going out."
"Really? Even with the curse?" His eyes never left the screen.
I shrugged. "Well, yeah. We can't just hole up in our apartment forever. Well, I guess we could, but it wouldn't be comfortable. Or healthy. And don't say that we could just use the curse to get groceries. I don't even want to think about all the ways that could go wrong. Just be careful, alright? Don't even talk, if you don't have to."
He took a swig from a liter bottle of soda. "Whatever, daaaaaauuude. Dude. I said dude. Don't look at me like that."
I sighed, trying to forget that Jeff had almost accidentally turned me into his dad again. I grabbed my coat and a hat to cover my balding scalp and left.
Shopping at the grocery store was a nice experience. It was a bit of normalcy in the middle of all the weirdness that had been happening. It was something in my life that hadn't been altered. Though, there was a lot more chips and soda on the list than there used to be.
After a while I began to notice something else. I wasn't even sure what it was for a while. But, the more I walked around, the more I thought something was different. It clicked when I was putting several bags of chips in the shopping cart. I looked up to see three guys picking out their own bags of chips. I guessed they were all my age or younger, judging by their faces and how they talked. I also noticed they all had receded hairlines. I left my cart and walked a few aisles over to the deli counter. There was a young man working it that I recognizes from previous visits. His hairline was also receded by several inches, and when he turned I could see the skin of his scalp through his thinning hair.
"No way..."
I walked around a bit more. I saw another man I recognized, one of the managers. He was a fair bit older than me, in his thirties. He had started out with a receded hairline, but now he was completely bald on top. The more I looked, the more I saw men in various stages of male pattern baldness. I recalled what Jeff had said earlier about lots of men going bald by the time they were my age, which was now 25. Had he inadvertently created a world in which many men are going bald by the time they hit their mid-twenties?
I payed more attention to the ads and pictures of men in the store. In the clothing department, there was a large picture of a handsome man wearing fashionable clothes over the men's section. It was the same picture that was always up. However, his once-full head of hair was now noticeable receded. The same went for almost all the pictures all over the store. Of course, there were still those men lucky enough to never have to worry about balding, or are only affected by it very late.
At first I was elated that I wouldn't stand out as a man who had started going bald prematurely. Thinking about it though, this was actually a little terrifying. I knew that what we said had ramifications in our own lives and the lives of our friends. What I had failed to realize before, though, was that what we said had the potential for wide-reaching consequences. Jeff may have very well changed many men across the entire planet.
I took of my cap and ran a hand through my receded hair, lingering a little at the bald spot in back. "Oh boy..."