“Oh boy ... how would I even be able to word how to be able to fix this?” I thought. I decided not to and I went up to the cashier.
When I got to the front I notice that my clerk was a man younger than me, looked like he probably just started college, but he was already bald save for a few short hairs on the top. “OK, that’s it,” I thought. “I am not going to let my curse affect the world anymore.”
With that I quickly composed myself and told the clerk, “Did you know that most men go through varying stages of balding depending on their genetics? However, most men who get male pattern baldness don’t get it severe until later on in life, like their late thirties earlier forties.”
The clerked looked at me like I was crazy, but his hair returned. As I looked around I noticed that every man seemed to return to the way it was before Jeff said that stupid statement. I then reached to take off my cap; I didn’t need it anymore.
Now, the clerk look at me a like he suddenly got an amazing revelation, “Well sir, you can say that to make me feel better, but you don’t seem to be most men.”
At first I wondered what he meant, then, in habit, I scratched the top of my head. I felt my bare scalp as I did that and then ‘scratched’ some more to feel the evidence. Sure enough I didn’t have any more hair left on the top; I didn’t even have a few short stubby hairs like this clerk had before. I had a thick horseshoe fringe for hair on my head now. “This evil curse,” you thought as you put your hat back on. “Oh well, at least men would have normal balding patterns now.”
I was sitting on the couch watching TV when I felt a tingle on my head. You felt as hair grew back, though your hair was a little higher than you remembered it. “That sick son of a bitch,” I thought as I munched on a chips I found on the table. “Sam is finally not being such a hardass. Boy, glad I didn’t say any of that out loud.”
I was absent mindedly scratching on the bottom of my belly when I heard the doorbell ring. Moaning, I struggling some getting off the couch, “Damn, being fat is exhausting.” I would have to get another snack after this. I opened to discover our neighbor across from us. Tom was his name, I think; he was around my age and pretty fit, though not as fit as I was before Sam decided to change that. He also looked kinda pissed.
“I can smell your lazy habits from my living room! Could you please take out your trash once in a while?” He practically yells at me.
“Geeze, loosen up man. I can just get Sam to do it when he gets back.”
“No, you need to change. Face man, you are a slob. I can see the bottom of your fat gut and you just smell nasty. Clean yourself up and be a good neighbor for once and clean your apartment.”
“Good neighbor! You certainly seem to be acting like a bad neighbor, Tom!”
“Yea well maybe you need so you can stop being such a fat ass!” He finishes and storms back to his apartment. Right before he does he yells, “and it’s Tim not Tom for the fifty millionith time!” and slams the door behind him.
I closed the door and entertained the thought that I could do something to Tom, or Tim. Maybe I could make him Tim. “Wait, what am I thinking,” I think, “I don’t have to deal with anything like that again.”
I declare, “Sam and I have no neighbors.”
Suddenly I am in a trailer. I remember that we now live in a trailer in a secluded area of a trailer park, where we didn’t have any neighbors. That’s nice, but the trailer really isn’t. It was messy and small for two people. Well, since I have gotten this far might as well go for it and Sam won’t know about this one anyway.
“Our trailer is a nice, big trailer,” I say out loud.
Suddenly the trailer began to shift and change. It became bigger and filled with nicer things. It was still messy, but I didn’t care about that. Suddenly I remembered that we were in a good bit of debt because of this trailer purchase. Well, better fix that too.
“Me and Sam did to get into debt buying this trailer.”
This made you remember that this trailer was given to you when your favorite uncle died. Well, guess I can’t get everything. I go back to the couch and continue watching the TV. “I won’t make another purposeful change without talking to Sam first,” I thought, “I didn’t mean to do that.”
On the way back home I went into autopilot, I was so focused on my new hair. Well, more like the lack there of. I was so bald. I felt my smooth scalp and felt the remaining horseshoe hairline on my head. It made me look older even though I knew I was only 25. It was hard to put my head around it: I am bald.
When I suddenly found myself next to a trailer in the middle of nowhere I got really confused. But then Jeff came out and then it all made sense. He must have said something to make this happen. I was almost mad at him, though I did the same thing. And his hair looked thicker too, lucky.
“Wow, what happened to you, baldy?” Jeff asked.
“You made like every man have balding hair and I had to fix it. I just had to take one for the team,” I said, more to myself that to Jeff, “that’s all. And I seemed to have fixed your hair some thank you very much.”
“Fine. I um, got into an argument with Tim …“ I coughed some to correct him ”Tim, whatever. And said we had no neighbors. So now we are here.”
“Well, nice you are now a slob trailer trash,” I said.
“Your welcome,” Jeff replied.
“Wait, this meant that I never talked to Emma. What are we going to do?”